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RVA Magazine 2005-2011 : The Paul Lazio Era
Posted by: Tony – Apr 08, 2011
Paul Lazio was an alter ego that would cause trouble in the name of gonzo. Essentially, the guy was a loose cannon that made "helpful" suggestions to the authorities and get us in trouble. We couldn't control him and his antics just took the whole magazine on a ride into the bizarro. Nothing encapsulates this better than when the Queen of England came to town. There is a ton more from this guy but that would take all day to sort through. Enjoy.
RVA Interviews: The Queen Of England* by Paul Lazio
What Americans don’t know about Queen Elizabeth II could (and does) fill many, many books. The smooth-talking 81 year-old who recently visited our little corner of the globe has been just about everywhere and seen just about everything, with the thankful exception of a Tijuana donkey show. The only other significant item on the Queen’s shortlist of things not done is that, until just recently meeting me at a small studio apartment in the Fan, she had never given an official interview to the press.
How did I, Paul Lazio, succeed where so many have failed? The answer is long and complex, much like the Queen’s own reign. Without giving away too much I can say this: I have yet to meet an elderly English woman who can resist a man with a captain’s hat and the offer of a free glue-on beard. It’s more or less their kryptonite. One more thing—I don’t care how many more taserings I get from the British secret service, because once you strip away the brick wall that is her highnesses chilly exterior, Queen Elizabeth is one stone cold fox.
Let’s get some basics out of the way. Favorite album of all time?
Meatloaf’s “Bat Out Of Hell”. Hands down.
I understand completely. Favorite word in the English language?
Jubilee.
Least favorite?
Magna Carta. I’m repulsed by the very sound of it.
Gotcha. Why only two days in Virginia? The next weekend is the official anniversary weekend.
Honestly, I only came for two things: racing, and to see what the younger Bush has done with the White House. I heard that they have thoroughly updated the dungeon.
Dungeon?
I’ve said too much.
Uh huh. And the racing?
I have always harbored the desire to witness two of America’s greatest sporting spectacles: the Kentucky Derby and NASCAR. Phillip and I were quite disappointed to learn that the “Jamestown 400” is not in fact a NASCAR race. I’ve got a few Euros on Dale Earnhardt Jr. to win the cup this year.
You’re a hardcore gambler, aren’t you?
How did you know?
The shape of your head—square in front and pointy in back. It’s the mark of a heavy bettor. What’s something else the general public doesn’t know about you?
Quite a lot actually, considering that I’ve never given a proper interview before. Let me see… I stopped shaving my legs in 1966. Oh, and I keep the skull of Oscar Wilde on my bedside table. Phillip hates it when I make Oscar sing.
Thank you very much. I’m going to try and forget I ever asked that question.
It’s probably for the best.
Any thoughts on the terror?
Young man, until you’ve watched your own children mix a thousand years of pure royal blood with that of mean-faced commoners, you don’t know the meaning of terror.
Point taken. Last question: final thoughts on America?
Please put downs your guns and behave more like your little brother Canada.
* May not be the real queen!
Then there was the time he tried to buy the Richmond Times Dispatch. That was awesome.
photos by Kim Frost
Paul Lazio and Brandon Peck
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