ARTICLES

Keep Marijuana Illegal! (the prison system is counting on it.)

Posted by: ian – Apr 20, 2009

Above: DEA agents & LAPD join forces to steal cash & medicine from a legal clinic in Los Angeles.

As a married woman and mother of four, you'd probably expect me to support the current state of marijuana laws. It may surprise you to learn that I'm a regular marijuana smoker. Knowing that, you may expect me to be pro-legalization. Once again, you'd be wrong. I'm firmly against the legalization of marijuana. But unlike most folks on my side of the argument, I have solid reasons for taking this stance.

For one thing, my cousins are prison guards. Their job security depends on constant prison overcrowding. They also make good money supplying marijuana to certain prisoners. And it's understood that most drug convicts make excellent prison bitches for the truly violent offenders. Simply put, legalization would put our nation's fragile prison economy at risk!

That's just the start. Think about how illegal drugs give our law enforcement a valuable tool in arresting minorities when need be. Additionally, legalizing marijuana would strip our state police departments of their ability to seize and auction off the homes and cars of anyone carrying more than a half ounce of marijuana. You think taxes on decriminalized marijuana could make up the loss? Think again!

Another drawback of legalization is that everyone who is now drug free will probably start smoking the day it's all legalized. This is particularly troublesome because these newbs will start freaking out. School buses will be crashing left and right, companies will fold under a weight of too many sick days, and folks will stop taking themselves so seriously. That's pretty much what happened before the fall of Rome!

Even if we can look past the threat to our adult population, we must consider the children. Once legally regulated, marijuana will be as hard for kids to buy as alcohol is now. So you've got to wonder about what they'll go for next. Freon huffing? Suppository abuse? Free-based jenkem? By the time we know what the next thing is they'll already be hooked!

Of course our more enterprising young people won't be able to focus on their studies, because that $200 per night profit from dealing drugs will be gone. Rather than just selling a few bags on a Friday night, these once promising young students would be forced to spend 12-16 of their best hours per week in low paying fast food or grocery bagging jobs. Parents can kiss those straight "A" report cards goodbye!

So as you compose that letter to your representatives in congress, begging them to legalize pot, prepare yourself for the bleak future that follows. Today's drug mafia leaders will become tomorrows high-paid consultants for major corporations. They'll be deliberately tainting our marijuana supplies with addictive carcinogens, much the same way tobacco and soft drinks are tainted today. Sure, you're laughing now. You won't be laughing when the blood's flying, and you're screaming!

Jocelyn Testes-Harder lives in Richmond, VA, and maintains her blog, Filthy Richmond.

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9 Comment(s)

You greedy little bitch you want the to keep marijuana for your own reasons like the fact your cousins are making money from selling it themselves.
and your a racest little cunt you ewant them to use it to lock up all the minorites and any one carrying a little weed what if you got cought see hhow you like it then bitch even better e-mail me your address ill call the cops for you

— Posted by: paul on May 5, 2009 - 9:55pm

well,
i totally agree with paul
fucking hypocrit
you use weed for your own good, but you stand tall to the reasons of keeping it banned.

cause if it won't
your and your cousins little business falls appart.
bitch
fuck you
i hope the cops catch you so your cousins can sell you the weed in prison & i hope they get caught with it.

fuckin whore

— Posted by: FUCK YOU on July 15, 2009 - 1:04pm

"For one thing, my cousins are prison guards. Their job security depends on constant prison overcrowding. They also make good money supplying marijuana to certain prisoners.!"

You typed way too fucking much! This is some ignorant shit that can get you and your people in serious trouble.

"Another drawback of legalization is that everyone who is now drug free will probably start smoking the day it's all legalized"

You've got to be fucking kidding me?! What evidence do you have to support this? Cigarettes and Alcohol are legal, but EVERYONE doesn't support nor use them. Alcohol obviously impairs judgement, but most people won't drink when they have a job to do. What would make you think that they'd smoke weed prior to work? With the legalization, sure there would be an increase in people who smoke, but it's not as deep as you've mentioned. If it's a problem for others to smoke, why the hell can you? This is hypocritical and takes any ounce of credibility away from you.

There are so many flaws in your argument, and I hope that no vulnerable eyes come across this bullshit. Get it Together please, America does not need this type of ignorance.

— Posted by: DisgruntledBlogger on August 2, 2009 - 3:23am

I am hoping Mrs. Testes-Harder will recognize that the Democratic Party supports her views.

For those of us who are for the decriminalization of marijuana, please support the Green Party.

— Posted by: Scott Burger on August 16, 2009 - 1:13pm

To all who think that this article is actually supporting the drug war, please see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire
kthx.

— Posted by: ian on August 17, 2009 - 2:28pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm

— Posted by: ZeroXYU on September 10, 2009 - 2:42am

This is hilarious! I'm sorry people are taking you so seriously. Great work :D

— Posted by: Ama on September 14, 2009 - 3:00pm

wow.. its shit like this that make you realize how stupid people are.. i wouldnt even bother explaining how the author is shittin in the face of all those "keep it illegal" enthusiast by using that thing.. wats it called?? o yea.. SARCASM!!!!

— Posted by: Antonio José on April 18, 2010 - 6:38pm

your a discusting fuck who beleievs that people should be arested for doing nothing wrong to uphold a corrupt fascist system

— Posted by: Anonymous on April 19, 2010 - 1:42pm