Rosemary Rawlins’ memoir Learning By Accident is the story of a wife and mother whose life is changed in the blink of an eye when her husband Hugh is struck by a car while riding his bike and suffers a traumatic brain injury. Rosemary learns very quickly that while Hugh may have survived his crash, putting their lives back together is a journey of miles and not inches, as she tirelessly attends to his recovery efforts.
The book starts as a journal of events that Rosemary keeps in order to update Hugh when he wakes up form his coma and his memory returns. She chronicles every aspect of their story with the same level of dedication and perseverance that she showed in her care for Hugh after his injury. She writes in the present tense and it truly pulls you into every moment with her on this journey.
Rosemary Rawlins’ memoir Learning By Accident is the story of a wife and mother whose life is changed in the blink of an eye when her husband Hugh is struck by a car while riding his bike and suffers a traumatic brain injury. Rosemary learns very quickly that while Hugh may have survived his crash, putting their lives back together is a journey of miles and not inches, as she tirelessly attends to his recovery efforts.
The book starts as a journal of events that Rosemary keeps in order to update Hugh when he wakes up form his coma and his memory returns. She chronicles every aspect of their story with the same level of dedication and perseverance that she showed in her care for Hugh after his injury. She writes in the present tense and it truly pulls you into every moment with her on this journey.
The book is broken up into short, easily digested chapters that frequently begin with quotes from letters to Rosemary and Hugh from relatives and friends. It’s an easy read and one that Rawlins’ has set at a perfect pace to keep you from putting it down. I was up until past one o’clock in the morning the night I finished it because I couldn’t go to sleep until I had finished it.
One of the early titles for Learning By Accident was A Crash Course in Friendship, and it’s easy to see why. Gratitude pours off of the pages as Rawlins describes the endless help from friends and coworkers, and it becomes obvious that this is a story not just about family, but about friendship and the ways in which communities come together to care for their own. Every gesture of love — from Hugh’s friend who picks out a recliner for him to the dance teacher who drives their twin daughters to classes and teaches them for free — is enough to bring tears to your eyes.
Learning By Accident is intimate in a way that few books are, and because of that, the emotional range is wide. Of course, there is powerful sadness in a book about someone recovering from a traumatic brain injury, but it’s surprising how funny it can be at the same time. Anyone who has cared for a sick or injured loved one knows that there is always humor, but it’s the kind of humor that only you can laugh at. As Hugh recovers, he makes many confused and funny remarks, and you feel comfortable laughing because you’re viewing him through such a loving and supportive lens. Reading this story from Rosemary’s perspective makes you feel like a part of the family, and family is allowed to laugh because we’re trying to stave off the sorrow.
Beyond being emotionally engaging, the book is educational. Most people know nothing about the recovery process for a traumatic brain injury until they are helping someone through one. Rosemary asks all the questions for us on every page. How long will it be until Hugh is normal again? How long until he can drive again? Will he be able to return to his work as an executive? Will he still be an athlete? What kind of therapy is available and how long will he have to undergo it? How will their family afford to care for the man who was the primary income for the household?
Rosemary’s journey runs counter to Hugh’s for most of the story; as he progresses out of the cloudy darkness of confusion and struggle, she slips deeper into exhaustion and frustration and fatigue. You can feel her become more careworn on every page she she carries her family through this world-shattering event, but she never gives up. Her strength is more than simply impressive, it’s inspirational.
In the end, as she puts her family’s life back together and learns to live with the changes they’ve been through, Rosemary herself becomes a kind of advocate for those with traumatic brain injury. She has pledged part of the profits from the sale of her book to another Richmonder, Dan Duggins. Dan is a professional musician from Richmond who is probably best known as the drummer of Hot Rod Circuit. Dan had a stroke and is now paralyzed and unable to communicate except through eye movement.
Learning By Accident is an incredible story about an incredible family: the kind of family that holds each other up when things are as bad as they can be, the kind of family that doesn’t quit when the going gets tough. It’s a story about a man learning to let his family provide for him after so many years of providing for them. It’s a story about love and friendship and recovery. It’s a story about a family that you wish you were a part of, and by the end of the book, you feel like you’ve become a part of that family.
—
Rosemary Rawlins will be speaking at two upcoming events in the Richmond area: Wednesday, September 21 at 3:30 PM at HealthSouth Rehabilitation Hospital of Virginia (5700 Fitzhugh Ave), and Tuesday, September 27 at 7 PM at Church of the Epiphany (8000 Hermitage Rd). Copies of Learning By Accident will be available for purchase at these events, or can by obtained here.
