Dear Cafe Darkness 04/08/2010

by | Apr 8, 2010 | POLITICS

Dear Café Darkness ,
I just started a new job and I totally hate it! My coworkers are complete losers. All they want to talk about is American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. The women wear hose with sandals, and guys wear pants that are entirely too short. It’s so gross! The thought of coming into the office every day makes my skin crawl. How do I deal?

signed,
Hating my job in Oregon Hill

So you find your job to be a soul-sucking, tedious place, devoid of emotion and life? Alright, let us reach down real deep and see if we can relate. Our first tip is to listen to music. Constantly. Modest Mouse is great to listen to at work. Their sad is so epic that even when dealing with the most boring tasks, it ain’t that bad! Also, start a blog. It will take up hours of your day that you used to spend just staring at the mundane, gray walls of your cube. Just make sure it’s not funnier than ours, mmkay?

Dear Café Darkness ,
I just started a new job and I totally hate it! My coworkers are complete losers. All they want to talk about is American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. The women wear hose with sandals, and guys wear pants that are entirely too short. It’s so gross! The thought of coming into the office every day makes my skin crawl. How do I deal?

signed,
Hating my job in Oregon Hill

So you find your job to be a soul-sucking, tedious place, devoid of emotion and life? Alright, let us reach down real deep and see if we can relate. Our first tip is to listen to music. Constantly. Modest Mouse is great to listen to at work. Their sad is so epic that even when dealing with the most boring tasks, it ain’t that bad! Also, start a blog. It will take up hours of your day that you used to spend just staring at the mundane, gray walls of your cube. Just make sure it’s not funnier than ours, mmkay?

Dear Café Darkness,
Last weekend I got completely and totally hamboned before a friend’s cookout and, from what I can recall, was a total jackass. I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends to clarify if I actually river danced in their backyard or if that was just a dream. Do I simply pretend my drunken antics didn’t occur, or issue a mass e-mail apology for drinking all of their beer and continuing to change the music to “stuff that didn’t suck”?

signed,
Pregaming too hard in Church Hill

Are you living our life, dear reader? We also pregamed the party entirely too hardy last Friday and ended up being completely hammer timed when arriving at a seven PM cookout. Instead of having anxiety over our ridiculous behavior we took immediate comfort when friends assured us that our level of inebriation encouraged them to get their own party started, thus causing them to forget how ridiculous we were earlier on in the evening. As long as your friends aren’t total losers, you should be straight. Cheers and let us know when the next happy hour is, bitches!

Dear Café Darkness,
I’m sick and tired of my social scene. I go to the same bars all the time and can’t seem to mix things up. How do I convince my friends to go places besides TGI Fridays and The Cheesecake Factory?

signed,
Needing a Makeover in Short Pump

This is an easy one. Move. ASAP. The only things happening in Downtown Short Pump are SUVs and traffic. Once you get out that hellhole and into the city, ditch your friends and you’ll discover a wild, wonderful world filled with individually owned restaurants and bars. You will never have to drink a Mega-rita or eat jalapeño poppers ever again!

Agreed. – ed.

To have your questions answered by the lovely but doubly jaded Richmond ladies at Café Darkness , go to their city famous blog and ask them.

R. Anthony Harris

R. Anthony Harris

I created Richmond, Virginia’s culture publication RVA Magazine and brought the first Richmond Mural Project to town. Designed the first brand for the Richmond’s First Fridays Artwalk and promoted the citywide “RVA” brand before the city adopted it as the official moniker. I threw a bunch of parties. Printed a lot of magazines. Met so many fantastic people in the process. Professional work: www.majormajor.me




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