Listen. It’s week 7. And the grasses are fine, but I’m gonna need them to start pulling their weight. All they do is sit there, use up our precious office resources, only to grow mere centimeters each week. They don’t have jobs, they don’t pay rent.
Not only does this make me look like a bad mother but it’s seriously impeding my chance in the running for Grass Queen. If this doesn’t fix climate change, I swear to god.
Maybe our office bamboo is intimidating them – perhaps stealing their magic grass energy?
Or! They sensed Jeff Sessions’ presence a few miles away and it stunted their growth much in the way our nation will if he continues to hold office.
This is all speculation, of course. Maybe I should play them some Mozart?
In any case, there isn’t a lot to see to today. Everything is actually looking pretty normal and healthy. This cold ass weather has sucked the energy out of everyone, plants included. Richmond’s plant life and my seasonal depression are as equally confused. Hopefully next week they’ll take their first steps or say their first words and we’ll have more to update you all on.
Until next time!
