Who wants blazing fast, oh-dip-your-movie-is-DONE internet?
Who wants blazing fast, oh-dip-your-movie-is-DONE internet? The fine people at Giga RVA, a website dedicated to bringing Gigabit Intertubes to RVA, that’s who, and we’re completely with them. Why? Perhaps you’ve forgotten about a wonderful concept from the wayback baby years of the internet called the INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY, bitch.
HOW WILL GOOGLE MAKE OUR INTERNET FASTER?
The internet is a series of tubes, as certified internet expert Ted Stevens explained so eloquently. Google’s plan, in a nutshell, is to polish the insides of our internet tubes, likely using a brass cleaner of some kind. Internet tubes are made out of brass, or copper, it’s some kind of shiny metal. Their plan also includes fiber of some kind, I can only assume this means a breakfast with a lot of roughage, which certainly makes my tubes work faster in the morning.
WHY IS FASTER INTERNET BETTER?
If you really need to ask this question you’re not really an American. Faster = better. Name one American who’s gotten an edge on competition by being SLOWER. Didn’t think so! Google will make our internets faster. How much faster? Google’s fiber network will be around 100 times faster than the average American’s connection. Gigabit internet will be a major business attraction, simply if it’s available; we’d have the fastest ‘tubes for miles upon miles. This is going to help everyone in RVA, but the two biggest winners are clearly schools and hospitals. All kidding aside, if you’re not in favor of better education or medicine, you really are a terrible person.
HOW WILL GOING TO GIGARVA’s WEBSITE AND DOING TWO MINUTES OF WORK HELP?
Google is letting communities propose their own reasons for bringing gigabit internet. People are making videos, writing proposals, doing whatever they can, all from Google’s Nominate Your Community page. Please, go do this now. Now. Now.
