In Footloose-like scenario, Front Royal, VA just made ‘magic arts’ and Gypsies legal … but some people are pissed

by | Aug 21, 2014 | POLITICS

In what has to be a joke but sadly isn’t, the people of Front Royal, VA have just removed a ban on witchcraft, gypsies, and fortune telling and some members of the community are not taking it well.

In what has to be a joke but sadly isn’t, the people of Front Royal, VA have just removed a ban on witchcraft, gypsies, and fortune telling and some members of the community are not taking it well.

The funniest part – besides the public comment which we’ll get to shortly – is the three members of town council who voted AGAINST removing the ban.

Sadly, the members of council who did not want to remove the ban didn’t make any comments – but damn I wish they had tried to justify their thoughts on the issue.

“I feel like we’re in the movie Footloose but reversed where kids wanted to dance but the state said they couldn’t and here we are, the folks in the community saying ‘please impose our moral viewpoint on everyone else,'” said Councilmen Bret Hrbek, who supported ending the ban and is evidently one of the few reasonable people in Front Royal.

Either way, I finally get to use a footloose reference in a story – this is what my years at journalism school lead up to.

Yes, much like the Kevin Bacon classic, the youth of Front Royal who were legally bound to not perform witchcraft are now free to worship the dark lord as they see fit.

But for every Kevin Bacon-character, there is a John-Lithgow counterpoint. That’s where Front Royal citizen Elizabeth Poel comes in – here’s how NVDaily broke down Poel’s comments:

Elizabeth Poel asked council why it would take the action to benefit pagans — a small part of the population. Poel suggested the town adjust the license fee for inflation to $2,987 by her calculations and include more questions on the business license application, she added. Poel also linked the thrift store on Main Street and the tarot-card reading operation to the Center for Workforce Development and its efforts to provide opportunities to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth. Poel said she surmised the center plans to recruit youth to increase the number of homosexuals in Front Royal.

“We do not advocate abuse or harm to any homosexuals,” Poel said. “Such would be contrary to the virtue of charity. However, homosexuals do not usually extend such charity much less tolerance toward homosexuals who do not agree with them. You need to understand that most parents want neither pagan practitioners nor homosexuals to have access to the minds, bodies and souls of their children.”

Poel told council a “strong connection” exists between homosexuality and paganism.

Man, you can’t buy that kind of crazy anymore. That is just impressive.

Sandra O’Goreman, a local business owner in town, also harped on the fear of witches indoctrinating our children in schools “with jaw-dropping immunity”… because most teachers are lesbian or gay… and witches now make up a large portion of teachers and administrators.

She also called witchcraft “silly and stupid.”

So much for “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone…”

Alright, the rest of this story is bonkers. Head on over to NVDaily for more bat-shittery, or watch of the council meeting below:

Brad Kutner

Brad Kutner

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