VA Beach Named One Of The World’s Most Dangerous Beaches Because of… Wild Foxes

by | Feb 25, 2014 | POLITICS

“When you think about beaches, you think about relaxation. Yet you can not completely relax in Virginia at Virginia Beach.” – Zoover World

“When you think about beaches, you think about relaxation. Yet you can not completely relax in Virginia at Virginia Beach.” – Zoover World

Because of the jet noise? Because life is too f’ing stressful without cursing? Because it’s bro mating season and no one is safe?

The article explains: “With wild foxes around you aren’t able to relax completely. Always make sure you do not fall asleep on the beach.”

Okay, so there are wild foxes in Virginia Beach. Attacks were reported in 2010. They even bit a man in the foot once. But apparently The Farmer’s Almanac is predicting that come Summer of 2014–which is, as the article points out, approaching–it’s about to go fox wild up around here.

Insane, blood thirsty, America-hating, juggalo foxes might be the least of our worries. This Fox News article talks about the “hairy, snorting hogs” of Virginia Beach “tearing up sensitive beach lands with their tusks.” Yikes! The City of Virginia Beach’s website warns of a number of wild animals to be afraid of, including “otter, snakes, seals, bats, deer, opossum, raccoons and other wildlife, including a rare black bear.”

Foxes, and bros and bears, oh my!

This Pilot article tells us that we are starting to see more foxes in the daylight. And then Virginia Beach Critter Control warns us that, “It is uncommon for foxes to enter homes, HOWEVER…” (Emphasis added, maybe.)

So basically we’re screwed. We should all resign ourselves to death by fox at the Oceanfront this summer. Personally I am going to spend tonight working on the mercy speech I’m going to give my new fox overlord as he tears into my apartment, demanding fielty to the skulk, or death. Thank you, Zoover World. You might have just saved all our lives.

Brad Kutner

Brad Kutner

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