book excerpts Archives

In this excerpt from his book Pride Leadership, Dr. Steve Yacovelli tells us how to make 2020 “the year that being queer is your key to a courageous career.”

We all make New Year’s resolutions, from the daydreamingly ambitious to the practical to those that we only make subconsciously. For many, the start of a new year is a time to reflect on our priorities, quality of life, and the future, with our work life and career often taking center stage in our thoughts. And while those thoughts undoubtedly center on change, the snag is that worthwhile change requires courage.

Below, Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of their Jungle author Dr. Steve Yacovelli slays the top three “courage-inhibitors” and tells us how we all can tap into our inner LGBTQ+ superpower to harness the courage needed to make the changes we desire for a satisfying career life.

While Steve’s book is focused on LGBTQ+ leaders, to be clear, just being LGBTQ+ in the workplace makes us all leaders and examples. This advice is for all of us, from the C-suite to entrepreneurs, and freelancers.

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Remember in The Wizard of Oz how the Cowardly Lion — when he got to see the Wizard — was like, “What? I already had courage? WTH?” I mean, it was kinda poopy that the Wizard made the poor cat go through that drama, only to say, “That gift you want? You already got it!”

Well, leadership courage is a lot like that. When leaders ask me, “How can I get more courageous in my leadership?” I share that — like the Lion — you already got this, just tap into it (or click your heels a few times like Dorothy)!

At its core, it’s easiest to think of courage as that adrenaline-filled action hero that we see in the movies. Amazon warriors like Wonder Woman, death-facing young wizards like Harry Potter, countless soldiers and sailors entering the battle to win the war: we see these images and get an idea of what “courage” is supposed to be. But even if you’re not a Navy SEAL or a wand-wielding wizard or an immortal Amazonian princess, you’re still in luck: courageous leadership doesn’t require you to be any of those. By nature of who you are as an LGBTQ+ person, I’d argue that you already have a whole ton of courage up your sleeve.

First and foremost, if you’ve taken the steps to be your true, authentic self, then you’ve already exercised that special courage that typically goes against the norm. We can channel that power to help be a more effective leader in the workplace and beyond.

When we think about being courageous in the workplace, even if we’re living our authentic selves, there’s still a lot of factors that can prevent us from being our most courageous and effective leadership selves. Time and again, these are the top three “courage-inhibitors” that tend to come up for leaders, especially LGBTQ+ Leaders.

1. The Challenge of Fear. If you were to ask around, you’d likely find that a lack of courage and abundance of complacency in the workplace comes down to one simple thing: fear. When we think about this in the business context it can be broken down into two subtypes: fear of (perceived or actual) failure and fear of feeling like an outsider.

With the first, we tend to strive for perfectionism. Typically, most folks want to be seen as a rock star performer and anything less is deemed a failure. The latter comes from a more personal place, where challenging the status quo may make you feel like an outsider in your workplace. As LGBTQ+ people, we’ve most likely had that feeling before, or maybe still do. So, in a work context, this desire to avoid the feeling of being the “other” leads us to be compliant, even if we know the idea really needs to be challenged for the good of the organization. Having leadership courage here is to be OK with failing, being OK with being perceived as that outsider for the sake of doing better work, benefiting your team members or moving your organization forward.

2. The Challenge of Assumptions (or “Filling in The Blanks”). As humans, we often fill in the gaps when we’re presented with in situations where we don’t know all the data. It’s easy to connect the dots between one problem and the next, even when the two aren’t related, without taking the time to examine our own approach. When we think of this in the context of courage, we’re either avoiding truly understanding the situation or we’re scared to dive deeper into its truth. Having leadership courage means lifting up those rocks and seeing what’s underneath; lack of courage here is making assumptions about the situation without knowing all the information.

*Dr. Steve Yacovelli (in kilt) and friends at The Pride Chamber of Commerce Orlando Gala. Photo by Dylan Todd, courtesy Popular Publicity*

3. The Challenge of Being Locked into Current Behaviors. Let’s talk about change for a minute. I’ll tell you something you probably already know: most people don’t like change. On a fundamental level, change is a really fab idea; it’s fresh and new, it expands horizons, it allows us to be innovative and to have new experiences.

In the workplace context, we initiate change so that our organization can grow and prosper. But the truth is the vast majority of people hate change. Why? On one hand, humans unconsciously don’t like change because it hits a part of our brain that likes safety and security; engaging in something new could lead to a dangerous situation. When most people engage in change, it leads to an unsettling feeling of vulnerability.

On the other hand, most folks’ conscious selves don’t like change because it’s hard. We get used to situations and know how to act and adjust to them, even if the situation isn’t ideal. Some humans don’t like change so much that they’d sooner stay in a bad situation than make a move to newness. So, whether unconscious or conscious, for most people change is hard! It takes courage to try something new, something different, and individual resilience to keep at it when it doesn’t work perfectly the first time.

As LGBTQ+ people, courage is part of our foundation: the courage to be ourselves, to love who we love, to be our authentic selves in front of the world. It’s a superpower that every LGBTQ+ person I know has within them: it’s just a matter of avoiding the three “courage-inhibitors” and channeling that courage just like the not-so-Cowardly Lion did. ROAR!

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Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to be the King or Queen of their Jungle is available now in paperback and e-book from Amazon.

Top Photo: Dr. Steve Yacovelli (in kilt) and friends at The Pride Chamber of Commerce Orlando Gala. Photo by Dylan Todd, courtesy Popular Publicity

Dr. Steve Yacovelli is a leadership consultant who has worked with nonprofits, Fortune 500 companies, and large state universities. As owner of TopDog Learning Group, he is a member of The Pride Chamber, the LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce of Orlando, Florida and a certified member of the NGLCC’s LGBTBE.

In Yacovelli’s new book, Pride Leadership: Strategies for the LGBTQ+ Leader to Be the King Or Queen of Their Jungle, he lays out six leadership traits that can increase LGBTQ business leaders’ effectiveness, as well as strategies for dealing with LGBTQ bias in the workplace. In this excerpt from Chapter 9, Yacovelli lets you know how to tell when a business can be made more LGBTQ-inclusive, and when it’s smarter to cut your losses.

Hey LGBTQ+ Leader: Should You Even TRY to Change the Org Culture?

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

As an LGBTQ+ Leader, you have the skill and the passion to help facilitate change. But should you? That’s a wonderful and really thought-provoking question. And my first reaction: focus on that during your mindfulness exercises (covered in the following chapter). Seriously; if your organizational culture is really uninclusive to our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, that’s a lot of work in addition to your day job. Ask yourself: do you want to fight or fly from the challenge?

I — Steve — will absolutely not answer that one for you; that’s a very personal decision, weighing a lot of variables, ideas, and considerations. But I will share an idea to help you think through the situation as best as you can. This is in two parts: (1) understand what you have in relationship to an inclusive organizational culture; then (2) determine how/if you want to change it.

Part 1: How Inclusive Is Your Org Culture?

As a consultant, I have the opportunity to glimpse into many corporate cultures (I’m sort of like an organizational anthropologist — think Jane Goodall, but in cubicles instead of the jungle, and more smartly dressed, and maybe a little less butch). I’ve seen businesses with corporate values like, “We Promote Work/Life Balance!” yet expected employees to work 60+ hours a week. I’ve seen organizations say, “We celebrate diversity!” yet all senior leaders were middle-aged white dudes. And I’ve seen businesses say, “We want to make the world a better place!” and they do a lot of philanthropic efforts and promote employees’ volunteerism to truly make the world a better place.

For me, I like to look at a corporate culture and see how inclusive it is to all people, but especially to our LGBTQ+ Community. In my experience there are 5 Top Indicators of an Inclusive Business Culture to explore when seeing if an organization is inclusive and therefore embraces LGBTQ+ people being authentic and true to themselves at work:

Leadership … What does the leadership look like? What do they do (and not just say) to promote inclusivity? Is their language truly inclusive or is it more heterosexist? What’s the demographic makeup of the leadership team and does it fairly represent the rest of the org?
Corporate Policies … Does the organization include policies referring to same-sex couples (married or otherwise)? Does it include health care specific for trans employees? What’s the company’s Nondiscrimination Policy: does it include sexual orientation and gender identity and gender expression?
The “Real” Corporate Values at Play … Using the criteria above, what are the organization’s real values, the ones on display every day? Are they the ones listed on the organization’s website, or are they really different? Is there obvious alignment in what the organization says it does and what it promotes to the outside world?
Inclusion Support (HR, D&I, ERGs) … Is there a Head of Diversity & Inclusion in the organization? What do they do? Is it their full-time gig? Does diversity to them really mean, “Let’s celebrate _____ month!” or does it go deeper? Does the organization have an Employee Resource Group (ERG) dedicated to LGBTQ+ employees and their allies?
External Efforts … Does the organization market or communicate directly to the LGBTQ+ Community? When same-sex marriage became legal, what did your organization do to support or hinder its progress? When certain groups threaten the rights of LGBTQ+ people outside of the workplace (like at the state or federal level), does the organization (and its leadership) stand up or remain silent?

Through looking at the data of the above, you can get a really good sense as to how inclusive your organizational culture is. Now on to Part 2…

Part 2: Do You Fight or Flee for LGBTQ+ Inclusivity?

Define … Define what are YOUR personal values (see Chapter 4 on authenticity). Identify your top five-ish values.
Discover … Discover the true Corporate Values (step #3, above). … Do your own Nancy Drew-ing on what your organizational culture is really like.
Aligned? … Ask yourself, “How’s the alignment?” between your personal values and those of the organization. Are your values reflected in the real values of the business?
Is this OK? … Comparing the two data sets, can you live with this level of alignment?
What’s Next? … Now comes the big decision: fight or flight. If you aren’t as aligned as you’d like, make some choices. You can try and foster change within the organization and lobby for more inclusivity; or you can pack up your toys and find an employer who embraces the beautiful difference that is you. (And yes, it’s a job, but life’s too short to work at a place that won’t embrace your authentic self.) If you choose to facilitate change, use the strategies shared in this chapter to help. Also consider joining (or starting!) the Employee Resource Group (ERG) or other employee organization to be sure your LGBTQ+ voice is heard.

Pride Leadership is the Winner of the 2019 New York City Big Book Award for LGBT Non-Fiction and available on Amazon and at www.topdoglearning.biz/book.

At the heart of Pride Leadership, by Dr. Steve Yacovelli, which has been praised by workplace leaders and opens with an enthusiastic foreword by Pennsylvania State Representative Brian Sims, is Yacovelli’s firm conviction that our life experience as LGBTQ+ people is a unique advantage, the shiny X-factor, that can make us all great leaders.

Top Photo via ACLU.org

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Facing Inclusivity Pushback In The Workplace: Should You Fight Or Fly?