HEY. Guys. Remember in my last post when I said that sometimes I won’t make fun of anyone at all? This is not one of those days. Remember how I said that if I ever make fun of you, I’m only joking? Well, I lied. At least in this case. Because if I ever, EVER catch any of my male friends, or any male stranger, for that matter, in the horrifying joke of a jumpsuit pictured above, I will personally mock him publicly and wholeheartedly for the rest of my able existence.
Now, I know that was a bit harsh. So let’s give the designer, Chelsea Bravo, a chance to explain away this “creative” garment.
HEY. Guys. Remember in my last post when I said that sometimes I won’t make fun of anyone at all? This is not one of those days. Remember how I said that if I ever make fun of you, I’m only joking? Well, I lied. At least in this case. Because if I ever, EVER catch any of my male friends, or any male stranger, for that matter, in the horrifying joke of a jumpsuit pictured above, I will personally mock him publicly and wholeheartedly for the rest of my able existence.
Now, I know that was a bit harsh. So let’s give the designer, Chelsea Bravo, a chance to explain away this “creative” garment.
Of the $287 viscose/cotton jersey men’s jumpsuit, the designer says, “In line with the concept and inspiration for the collection, the jumpsuits represented love beginning to take over the body and therefore the ego is beginning to disappear as the two elements become one” [sic]. Wait. WHAT? I can’t even address that statement. Next, “It’s not often you find jumpsuits for men… This piece has been complimented for its easiness in putting on and taking off and its comfortability.” That is to say, this piece has not been complimented for its aesthetic appeal. Because it has none. And also, there is a reason that men’s jumpsuits are not often found. That reason being, jumpsuits for men are typically reserved for mechanics and incarcerated people. So in that sense, there actually are plenty of men’s jumpsuits around. But I digress…
Chelsea, your jumpsuit is f*$#ing ugly. However, it does look really comfortable and really stretchy, and at least you’re offering free shipping. I’m also rather interested in the originality at play here. I, personally, have never seen anything like this, and even though I think it’s absolutely offensive, apparently it was constructed by way of “creative cutting using an altered and inspired muscle shape.” Soooo, yeah. Good job with that.
On a more serious note, Chelsea Bravo is a young, independent designer based in London. So besides the fact that I’m glad she lives an ocean away and therefore can’t violently attack me because of this rant, I also really am impressed by her unique vision for menswear and her willingness to stick by it. On her blog, Bravo quotes Rei Kawakubo, the designer of innovative brand Comme des Garçons, who recently said:
“I don’t feel too excited about fashion today, more fearful that people don’t necessarily want or need strong new clothes, that there are not enough of us believing in the same thing, that there is a kind of burnout, that people just want cheap fast clothes and are happy to look like everyone else, that the flame of creation has gone a bit cold, that enthusiasm and passionate anger for change and rattling the status quo is weakening.”
If anything, Rei would be proud of Chelsea for creating something challenging, to put it euphemistically, and yet completely functional. Contemporary street wear reflects contemporary cultural values, and Chelsea Bravo’s “Soft Armour” collection of jersey menswear is definitely a product of our zeitgeist’s obsession with both individuality and practicality (which are not necessarily mutually exclusive). The fabric and construction offer comfort and mobility; while the silhouettes practically guarantee that no one else is gonna look like you, or share that “great layered draped effect at the legs” [sic] that this particular jumpsuit allegedly provides. Like, seriously. No one.
If you’re interested in purchasing this oversized wrestling uniform that makes you appear to have balls down to your knees, no discernable ass, and unusually droopy kneecaps, you can visit Chelsea Bravo’s online shop here. At least the proceeds will go to some (definitely) poor, independent designer and not, like, Urban Outfitters or some shit. While you’re there, check out her other intellectualized explanations of the “Soft Armour” collection and the rest of the collection itself, which… doesn’t completely suck…?
For instance, I actually kind of like this look. Then again, maybe it’s just the strategically angled pose that’s hiding all the “rough spots.”
Now this, I could actually get down with. And thank God, because I was getting a little worried about Miss Chelsea’s career for a minute there. But at $272, I still don’t think I’ll be helping out with her rent anytime soon.
