Richmond is officially locked in to its annual sauna season and dammit, we need to cool off. Take some cold showers, hijack a condo pool, go to any of the public pools around town, go to the beach – but please, and I ask you this with all sincerity, don’t swim in the poo. If you could magically shrink down to the size of an action figure, would you dive into your toilet? No? That’s what I thought. Because you, a fine gentle person, I am sure, doesn’t SWIM. IN. POO. You wouldn’t take your friends to a poo party. You wouldn’t trudge through the woods and hop over rocks just to splash around in poo, right? Don’t swim in the poo.
According to James River Watch, the river is poo water right now at 14th Street Takeout Steps and near Rockett’s Landing. I repeat. The James River is gross and full of e-coli.
Just know that that tiny bit of river water that makes it past your lips when you come up from dunking your head beneath a rapid, was partially made by a constipated uncle in Oregon Hill. That bead of water that drips from your hair onto your face? Bobby in Jackson Ward cooked a little of that up for you. Don’t swim in the poo.
Find another option for the time being. We are so lucky to have this majestic waterway in the middle of our incredible mini-city. I love it too. But I will not be visiting the river this week.
Photo by Katherine Auguste
