It is not often that a man of superhuman strength and stamina, nay, indomitable will originates in the Commonwealth, let alone Richmond. Yet here we are, forced to share city space with a man simply known as The Progressive Liberal Daniel Richards; a man, who in the age of Trump, has given us the hope and strength to persevere. And where would we be without our heroes, especially the ones who can defend us from our worst impulses and provide us with the counsel needed to make the best life decisions in these complex times?
Which is why the advice brought to Virginia by The Progressive Liberal Daniel Richards is sage, and should be taken with the utmost seriousness; much like that of a doctor – a doctor that could physically destroy your very existence.
Dear Progressive Liberal,
My fiancée has gotten really into conservative politics lately, even though she was a feminist all throughout college. She even has an “all lives matter” bumper sticker on our fridge. I tried to take it down and tempers flared. How do I get through to her? She recently called Elizabeth Warren “Satan,” which is weird because she’s Jewish.
Signed,
Tempers Flaring in the Fan
Dear Flaring,
Do you still have the receipt for that ring? I suggest you pawn it for the time being. Nonetheless, I have plenty of friends that are right-wingers, and that’s just fine. But dare I say marrying into the alt-right is an entirely different ballgame. Bigly.
But let’s take the politics out of this scenario for a second…
Seriously? All Lives Matter? That is such a ridiculous, thoughtless retort to the Black Lives Matter movement, which only comes from a certain kind of person, in this case your fiancée. Sorry dude. #realtalk. Listen, I’m not going to go to a breast cancer fundraiser and say, “Hey, what about colon cancer; asshole?! All cancers matter!” That would be insensitive and stupid. Putting an “All Lives Matter” sticker on the fridge isn’t much better. Man up and tear that down!
As far as your hopefully-soon-to-be ex-fiancée referring to Elizabeth Warren as “Satan”, that’s just SAD. Disagree with her politics if you want to, but at the end of the day she is just a kind, older lady who in no way resembles a mythical ruler of hell.
Dear Progressive Liberal,
I’m a sensitive, intelligent, and mostly hetero emo dude who tries his best not to be in any way creepy or overbearing towards women. This can go too far and sometimes comes off as tongue-tied shyness, which I realize is not ideal. Even when I do get dates, they never seem to go anywhere. I might have a really great conversation with the person and feel like we made a connection, but I end up home early with no goodnight kiss or second date. Do I need to be more aggressive and worry a little less about being sexist or overbearing?
Signed,
MCR Haircut
Dear MCR Haircuit,
First, kudos on the efforts not to be super creepy. No one likes creepy dudes. That kind of behavior from our fellow men makes the dating world much more challenging for nice guys like you and me. Understandably women keep their guard up and should question our intentions.
But, BUT, reading between the lines of your question, I have two thoughts:
Firstly, it sounds like you are more worried about what your date thinks of you, rather than if you actually like her. Focus on the latter and stop second guessing yourself. Secondly, if the former is true, then you are probably being too agreeable. Women don’t respect that shit – toughen up and learn some better moves.
In terms of moves I would start with a press slam, which is a great way to show off how strong and manly you are. If you can’t press your lady above your head, it’s time to hit the fucking gym.
Dear Progressive Liberal,
I have a friend of 20 years that lives in Virginia Beach and voted for Trump. He thinks the president is doing a really good job and has even said that he’ll donate some money or time to help build the border wall. Should I stay friends with him? I’m starting to feel like I need to build a wall around him.
Signed,
Build Bridges, Not Walls
Dear Bridges,
Hopefully your friendship is not based solely around political conversations. Even if it comes up, I think there’s a way to talk from opposing sides and still be friends. Wait…I just re-read the part where you said he would like to contribute to the stupid wall and he’s from Virginia Beach. Forget it. Forget him. Forget Virginia Beach. Although maybe visit VA Beach for the ocean and the restaurants, but definitely leave your friend behind.
*Progressive Liberal wants to answer your question, email us at hello@rvamag.com and put Progressive Liberal in the subject line. Or drop a comment on Facebook.
