Sammi Lanzetta, lead singer of Venus Guy Trap and her self-titled project, has a pretty interesting view on relationships so we decided to give her a chance to answer some questions from fans. If you’ve got a question for Sammi, email her at luridlanzetta@rvamag.com.
And you can check Sammi with her self-titled project his weekend, as part of her birthday bash, at Sound of Music Studios – more info can be found here.
Dear Sammi, Well, my BF and I finally did it. We had a three way. I had so much fun getting all that attention and watching the two of them have a good time – It’s kind of all I can think about these days. It’s so bad that sex with my BF alone just isn’t doing for me anymore. I don’t want to leave him, but I don’t know what do to.
Help!
-Double-dipped in Woodland Heights
Dear Double-dipped in Woodland Heights,
Have you ever asked your boyfriend if he has any interest in doing porn? You may see this as a rift in your relationship, but I see this as an excellent business opportunity.
One day, while you are sitting on his face, say “hey baby this is really great. I’m proud of you and all of your cl*t licking glory. In fact that dick of yours is so swell that I want to share it with the rest of the world!”
Honestly if you like watching your man have a good time with other people, plenty of others are willing to pay a monthly subscription to do so will as well. Market yourself as a couple that works in threesomes. Monetize that dick while getting yours.
It will really be a wild ride… if you know what I mean. If you’re looking for a manager I’m available to work with you for a large cut of the profits. I myself don’t really exercise enough to be naked on camera per say, but I would love to support someone who does!
Technically since this was my idea you kind of owe me anyway. Let me know. I’m trying to pay my electricity bill ASAP.
Love Sammi
Hey Sammi, I went home for the holidays and spent the last few weeks with my old high school boyfriend – it was pretty good, but I feel like we might be growing apart or maybe I’ve changed or he’s changed. We’ve been together for 4 years and I don’t want to give that up, but maybe we should go our separate ways? What would you suggest?
Thanks, Forlorned in Fulton Hill
Dear Forlorned in Fulton Hill,
Your partner’s dumb ass ideas have not gotten any better with age and neither have yours.
The first time you fell in love at the Mindless Self Indulgence concert at age 15 is not a good indicator for how the rest of your life will be. Please explore other genitals.
Like honestly you don’t even know how to bone REALLY when you’re in high school so what are you holding on to? Their awesome Hot Topic aesthetic can’t hold up in the real world. I am telling this to you as a distant friend; don’t lock yourself down to the person you went to prom with.
Shit’s just different and you won’t be the same person in 10 years that you are now, just like you aren’t the same person you were 10 years ago when you went to a rave for $15 to do ketamine in a grungy graffiti bathroom “for fun.”
Do yourself and everyone else a favor and find a husband/wife who loves cooking dinners they saw recipes for in their Facebook newsfeed and move to the west end and buy an expensive dog named Biscuit…. or don’t date anyone and do you for a while… Get a tattoo of a hibiscus flower on your left ass cheek and move to Philadelphia if ya want.
Point is: the world is your oyster. Don’t feel attached to a time where you were still learning how to flat iron your hair in its entirety. Shit’s dynamic.
Love Sammi
Words by Sammi Lanzetta
