\m/ Prepare yourselves, metal warriors! \m/ We gather here today to witness a showdown of epic proportions, where the gods of metal shall determine who possesses the mightiest shred! We wish we had a scientific “SHRED-O-METER” that could accurately gauge the power, speed, and precision of these riff masters, but alas, such a device remains a fantasy. Thus, we turn to the mortal realm, relying on these titans to crown the true champion, both in glory and in arrogance!
BUT FEAR NOT! These are not your ordinary mere mortals, my fellow headbangers (although one of them bears the name Joe). We’ve assembled a league of extraordinary badasses, who graciously accept free booze as payment for their ruthlessness in judging guitar solos. A deal worthy of the metal gods, I say! If you claim to possess a genuine passion for the symphony of chaos known as MUSIC and you dwell within the metal-laden realm of Richmond, you damn well better know these three hellraisers. However, in the unlikely event that you reside beneath a f**king rock, prepare to emerge and unite with us as we set the Border Chophouse ablaze THIS Thursday! It’s time to unleash the judgment!
CHRIS BOPST
Behold the name of Chris Bopst, heralded writer for the prestigious Brick Magazine and host of a legendary podcast, available for consumption every glorious Monday at rvanews.com. This man has perfected the art of being an unapologetic dick about music since time immemorial, dominating the airwaves with his massively popular AM radio show and appearing as a guest in every conceivable realm. Brace yourselves, for his acid-tongued critiques shall strike like lightning!
JOE BANKS
Behold Joe Banks, occupying the center stage in the back row, the prodigious guitarist of the band Avail! What? You haven’t heard of them? Well, then begone, you unworthy peasant! Joe, a virtuoso axe-wielder, plies his trade for one of RVAMAG’s most cherished bands. He has traversed the realms, witnessing more live performances and enduring countless tours than your feeble existence can comprehend. Not to boast, mind you, as Joe is genuinely a swell guy. But make no mistake, he’s keeping an unwavering eye on your every move!
JOHN CAMPBELL
Ah, John Campbell, the legendary founding member of Lamb of God! This fearsome beast, master of the bass guitar, strikes fear into the hearts of mortals with his awe-inspiring talent. A devout disciple of the metal arts, John’s demeanor may appear serene, but on this sacred Thursday, he will pass judgment on YOUR licks. Beware, for his discerning ear shall pierce through your feeble attempts, like a blade through flesh!
So, what flimsy excuse do you possess? Is your guitar buried beneath layers of dust, abandoned and forsaken? Do your fingers quiver in numbness, lacking the fire that fuels the true metal spirit? Or are you simply consumed by an all-encompassing fear?
Cast aside these feeble justifications, my brethren! Let not fear grip your soul! Stand tall and proud, for it is time to join our ranks and unleash the unbridled power of the SHRED!
\m/, RVA \m/
CHECK OUT PAST SHRED-A-Thon Photos WITH WINNER MIchael York AT empire
