It’s been raining in Richmond for what feels like 40 days and 40 nights. People are taking that to heart and desperately trying to get paired up so they can go two-by-two onto the fucking arc.
It’s been raining in Richmond for what feels like 40 days and 40 nights. People are taking that to heart and desperately trying to get paired up so they can go two-by-two onto the fucking arc.
That pure desperation shines through in this week’s best of missed connections:
Fell asleep in your bathroom – w4m – 23 (Richmond)
We met at Society/ Chachas Saturday evening. I was at least very drunk. We made out a bit and couldn’t get in the taxi with my friends. On Sunday morning, I woke up in a bathroom, which I had to assume was yours. I left no trace as I walked out the door, very confused.
I regret leaving no trace, but I had no pen.
You say Potato…I say Salami – m4w – 58 (Kroger)
You: Were looking incredibly hot in your tight yoga pants and North Face jacket, perusing the salami’s
I: Was reading the gluten content on a bag of Natural Fritos…with my monocle
When: We held a powerful glance, that I never wanted to end
I wish i’d had the courage to talk to you about your salami…
Hopefully, there is a chance that you read these types of things and would be interested in getting a drink sometime, because you simply took my breath away. If so, please respond with the type of salami you purchased.
MAC SAUNA – m4m
Today I had the privilege of sitting beside an Adonis at MAC sauna. He had dark hair, hairy chest and legs. I was so overcome, that I had to leave and calm myself. Then I walked in the showe to cool off and he was there, showering with me. There, I saw his nice body from the back side, awesome tatoo on his left shoulder blade and his thick manhood. After my shower, it turned out my locker was right beside yours and we got dressed at the same time, as I had to work around you to get my belongings out of my locker. I just want to tell you that you look good with and without clothes and yours glasses makes you look even sexier. I would like to get to know you.
Reply to post here
[I’m gonna reply and critique this guy’s grammar. Augh, he’s killing me! -ed.]
The List – m4w – 21 (richmond)
Shot down in flames
Degrade
Fingertips
Not in Richmond
Heart ALWAYS leads you back
You’d better know the whole thing was about you
Five years this summer
Blocked you
Only to become vulnerable and confused
Young
you drive a blue is300 – m4w (richmond)
I made you onions and sausage for dinner. You got upset because I didnt want to watch a show with you. I haven’t smoked all day and my booty accusation rate is at an all time low. My mood is shitty because of me not you. I wouldn’t trade you for all the tacos in new Mexico. You are my baby boo boo and I’ll try to get in a better mood.
-that dude that got you pregnant
Xoxo
15 Items or Less – m4w (Lombardy St. Kroger)
You were working the register yesterday as I came through the line and definitely weren’t enjoying it, but that didn’t keep me from noticing you. I still remember your name after reading your name tag.
You asked if it was supposed to rain today since you had the day off, and I made terrible jokes about memorizing the vegetable codes.
Aaanyway, you made my trip to the store that much better even with the littlest smile you could muster at my awful attempts at doing so. I kicked myself after leaving for not saying more thinking I could do so much more to get you to smile on days like that.
Last night… – w4m – 23 (Richmond)
After I spent most of my day avoiding your messages, trying to find something to do with my time other than talk to you, I finally gave up. I know that you knew that I would eventually, and I don’t know why I even try. Talking to you is like being sucked into a giant black hole; unavoidable.
You asked what my plans were, and I told you that I was getting ready to go to dinner with my new boyfriend. The one that you have never met, will never meet, and who you still loathe. I call it jealousy, you call it ‘I-know-a-douche-when-I-see-one’. I ask why you want to know what my plans are, because depending on the answer, I’d cancel my dinner plans in a heart beat. All you said was, “just wondering”.
An hour later, I’m sitting in a booth across from my new boyfriend and he’s rambling on about cars; a subject I couldn’t care less about. I’m thinking about you, and how you never talked about cars, and wished that you were him, but only for a brief second. That’s when I look up, and I see you and your girlfriend being seated at a table that is too close for my liking. You look around with a smile on your face, a shit-eating grin that you can’t hold back. I send you a text, “what are you doing” followed by a million emoji’s. You replied a few minutes later, “Man, you weren’t kidding when you said this is where you bring all your new boyfriends”.
I can feel my cheeks begin to heat up. My oblivious boyfriend either hasn’t noticed that I’ve been texting for the past five minutes, or doesn’t care. Either way, at this point, I’ve already decided that it isn’t going to work out. “This is going to be fun”, was your next message and then, “Meet me in the alley out back after you’ve finished your meal. Bonehead is probably going to want dessert”. I stare at my salad throughout the next twenty minutes as “bonehead” still talks about cars. Eventually I look down at my phone and say, “I’ll be right back, it’s my mom”. My phone wasn’t even ringing, but he didn’t notice. I have to pass by your table on the way to the exit, your girlfriend smiles at me. Poor girl, if only she knew.
The cold air hits me in the face immediately, and I curse myself for not grabbing my scarf. This dress wasn’t meant to be worn in the winter. As my warm breath makes a cloud around me, I see you round the corner. It’s dark in the alley, and you’re barely illuminated by dim streetlights. “What excuse did you use,” you ask. I started to answer, but you cut me off; forcing me to turn around so that my back was to you.
You kiss my neck, not my lips, to avoid messing up my lipstick. Your hands, cold to the touch, slide up my thighs and pull the lace fabric of my underwear down. You wrap and arm around my shoulders as you thrust inside of me, panting in my ear as your movements quicken. I can hear laughter at the end of the alleyway, but you don’t care at all as your hips smash into mine.
When you’re finished, you place a kiss on my cheek, and apologize for being selfish. I laugh, because you are and always have been, and it’s nice to know that you at least admit to it. With your hands still on my hips, you say “God damn you, woman”. As if it’s my fault. I push you gently, and make my way back to restaurant. When I sit down at my table again, my date has informed me that he has ordered cheesecake, and has also asked if I could pay the bill. A few moments later, I see you taking seat at your own table, and I see you mouth the words ‘I’m sorry’ to your girlfriend.
You don’t text me again for the rest of the night. You don’t even glance in my direction. But I know this isn’t the last time. You can’t stay away, and neither can I. It’s a never ending cycle that we both will give in to until we finally find someone better than each other.
Car wash on parham – m4m (West end)
Ok here goes haha. You were in silver Audi I was next to you in red Mazda. You are one good looking guy. Saw u bending over to vacumn I was like bet that taste as good as it looks haha
Cougars at the bar – m4w (Shortpump)
You were both sexy as fuck, I told you I was into cougars and you were both clearly into me. You were drinking cosmos and dirty martinis, I’m pretty sure you’ll know who this is, hmu when you both have some free time.
Italian stallion #2
Rikki – m4w – 21 (Vcu)
Wanted you to know you actually kinda suck. You aren’t that great looking. Your lack of confidence is so blaring obvious, nearly everything about you is not “real”. Even though you keep it “real”. You treat your friends like shit, you treat men like shit. Good thing 99% of the friends you have are lame guys who shower you with artificial praise on hopes you might sleep with them. Also, your car sucks. No one cares about the prelude. It’s a pile of shit. Advice? Lay off the drugs, pretend to be an adult for a change. You are getting awfully old after all your looks will stop carrying you through life eventually and your shitty personality will shine through.
