It’s the season of ghouls and frights, and who better to help us get in the mood than Vulvatron? A sultry alien-metal crackhead-vixen from the future, Vulvatron appeared on stage with GWAR for the first time earlier this year at Riot Fest Chicago.
It’s the season of ghouls and frights, and who better to help us get in the mood than Vulvatron? A sultry alien-metal crackhead-vixen from the future, Vulvatron appeared on stage with GWAR for the first time earlier this year at Riot Fest Chicago. But don’t be fooled by her overtly domineering sexuality (and name)–her arrival in the band is integral to their survival.
A great impending doom awaits GWAR, and Vulvatron, who has “summoned Planck quantities of energy to navigate the fabric of space-time back to this primitive era on Earth” is the band’s only hope. With her high-tech armor, cybernetic implants, and boobs which spew blood, she’s taken on a role as a secondary vocalist for the band.
Vulvatron is currently splitting vocal duties with The Berserker Blóthar, a Scumdog warrior from the distant past who was sucked forward through a hole in the space/time continuum and deposited onstage before thousands of fans at this year’s GWAR-B-Q.
Unlike Blóthar, high-ranking Scumdog assassin Vulvatron comes from the distant future–she has arrived in our current time from the year 69000 to battle futuro-fascist forces. And with her mastery of quantum mechanics and the art of war, she’s a force to be reckoned with… when she’s not hung over, or high on crack.
Vulvatron was nice enough to let us in on her home planet Scumdogia’s own Halloween traditions, the key to having a good Halloween here on Earth, and her new role in the band.
What skills make you great for the GWAR team?
My skills are highly advanced compared to GWAR’s existing functions, and my armor is much more suited for the type of battle they will be needing to engage in. Also, the human slaves seem to go crazy over my mammary glands, perhaps because in the last 67000 years, armor has become more flattering to the female form.
Were your mammaries surgically altered?
All of the creatures from my time are genetically engineered to optimum proportions.
What exactly spews from your boobs?
Plasma platelets, I believe they are called on earth – hematocytes, also known as blood.
Where does this blood come from?
The blood of the groupies we sacrifice after the show the night before keeps the blood supply flowing.
How do you and The Berserker Blóthar divide singing responsibilities?
We start with a few fat chicks, and then we slay a few less-savory humans and, depending which way the head rolls, and who’s more hung over and who does more crack, then we throw things musically in a certain direction.
Halloween is coming up; do they celebrate the holiday on Scumdogia?
Halloween on Scumdogia is quite terrifying- All the Scumdogs don giant fleshy costumes. They are pink and covered in hair. They are really primitive and hideously ugly… resembling humans, actually.
So, you dress like normal people?
Normal people? I don’t bother myself with your human customs enough to quantify your classification of normality.
What traditions happen on a Scumdogia halloween?
There’s a proud tradition in which GWAR gets in a large white van with no windows and “free candy” signs on the side. Usually the candy isn’t actually sucrose as much as it is crack.
So you give crack to children for Halloween? Do you do that here on Earth now?
We started the tradition on Scumdogia, but we brought it here to Earth for you feeble humans.
We have stories about razor blades in candy apples here in the US. Do they have similar urban legends where you’re from?
They aren’t urban legends, they are good fun!
Any specifics that stand out?
In the year 68720, My armor was malfunctioning and one of the capacitors fell off into the cookie batter. A child consumed it and was electrocuted form the digestive system out. It was quite amusing to watch.
Do you have a favorite halloween costume?
The costume of that large, dark man in the suite with the large ears… he’s quite terrifying. I’m not sure who he is, but I see a lot of it.
I believe he’s the President of the United States.
Any advice for children trick-or-treating this year?
If you see a large white van with ‘free candy’ painted on the side, have a good time!
Do you guys provide crack pipes and lighters, or should the kids bring their own?
It’s always a good deal to take pipes from strangers–then you don’t have to pay for them, and you have money for more crack.
Any advice for college kids partying this Halloween?
Be sure to make sure your crack is not sub-par. A lot of colleges don’t know what they’re talking about when it comes to crack. I’ve seen a lot of educated, pathetic human creatures engaging in sub-par crack consumption and it causes my blood flow to malfunction.
Anything else you wanna say about the upcoming tour?
Please come to any of the cities on the GWAR Eternal tour and be prepared to be covered in boob blood.
GWAR’s Eternal Tour launched October 15 at The NorVa in Norfolk and finishes up on December 13 at Baltimore SoundStage in Baltimore MD.
Go to GWAR.net for a full list of tour dates.
This article is taken from the latest print issue of RVA Magazine, out now. To read a digital version of the full issue, click here.