Last night, streetlights on both the Monroe Park and Medical Campuses of Virginia Commonwealth University were shut off for the first annual VCU Purge.
Last night, streetlights on both the Monroe Park and Medical Campuses of Virginia Commonwealth University were shut off for the first annual VCU Purge.
“The first purge night in Central Richmond was a rousing success,” said VCU Police Chief John Vanuti. “The excitement and involvement for the one night of consequence-free crime should create a uniquely peaceful environment for the rest of the year.”
In anticipation of the night of endless killing and no public services, the crime rate fell dramatically over the past few months. The idea of shutting down the streetlights as well as the public services was called a stroke of genius by the chief himself.
“Yes, it was my idea to shut off the streetlights,” said Vanuti, laughing. “Of course, we don’t want to encourage crime, we just want one night to sit back and do nothing about it.” He went on to explain that a simple cost-saving measure, like turning off the streetlights, can help remove some weaker-willed students from the mix.
“I had a lot of fun last night,” said VCU freshman Izla Burkholder. “I got my ex-girlfriend back pretty good for cheating on me.” Burkholder smiled as she recounted the tale of murdering her ex-girlfriend and her ex-girlfriend’s new partner in cold blood.
Other students didn’t fare so well, however. “I spent the whole night curled up with my boyfriend and best friend hoping not to be hurt,” said Audri Bareikis, a VCU junior. “I can’t believe this is allowed by law and written into our constitution.”
The news, however, was not all bad. Local security firms and weapons dealers were delighted with the increase in sales in anticipation of one night of consequence-free murder and burglary.
The chief did recall some rule violations that he hoped would not occur again next year, when the area is more familiar with the regulations surrounding the Purge.
“There were a few reports of people using Class 4 Weapons, or extreme explosives,” said Vanuti. “Of course, those reports are unconfirmed, because there’s no fucking way I’m going out in the middle of that.”
