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One Month After Bourdain’s Death, We Still Won’t Talk About Mental Health

Ash Griffith | July 10, 2018

Topics: Anthony Bourdain, Center for Disease Control and Prevention, depression, health care, mental health, restaurants, suicide

I could just barely reach our countertop when my father started teaching me how to cook. Chef celebrity culture quickly became a thing in the late 90s, and my father used it to his advantage to teach me how to cook what we saw on our television. We started working on proper knife skills after we read Anthony Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential for the first time in 2000.

Bourdain was forever brutally honest about his struggles with addiction, and never sugar coated his experiences. As a chef who worked with immigrants, he was vocal about their rights, and openly acknowledged that the Latinx community was the physical backbone of the service and hospitality industries. Kitchen Confidential not only made him a household name, but helped tear down what he coined “kitchen bro culture” and reformed kitchen procedures in restaurants.

In his later years he became an extremely vocal ally to the #MeToo movement by refusing to just stand idly by colleagues, such as Mario Batali, who were called out on their despicable behavior. He demanded other men be better allies to women, while simultaneously dissecting his own role and how he himself could be a better ally to women.

He was a man who grew up with privilege and was aware of it, but understood that he could and should use it to others’ advantage. He made it his mission to find the everyman and eat where he ate, while getting to know him better and ask about his life and how he saw the world. He was one of the few people who made it a point to intentionally go to Muslim communities with the purpose of tearing down stereotypes Americans kept. He knew that fear of the unknown was the most dangerous of all.

Bourdain lived to start conversations.

It’s darkly appropriate that as a final goodbye, Bourdain also started one last conversation. Will America ever take mental health seriously? I want to be positive and say maybe one day, but I’m also the pessimist in the room who vehemently and loudly argues otherwise, with a scowl etched across her face.

Like Bourdain, celebrated fashion designer Kate Spade passed the same week and the social media outreach contained the usual platitudes.

“Well, you know you can all talk to me! Just reach out!”

“Make sure you call a hotline!”

“If you only said something!”

It all regurgitates the same very dangerous and unhelpful trend of victim blaming that our culture has become disgustingly comfortable with. The blame is always shifted onto the victim instead of anywhere (not anyone) else. For years and years, it was focused on the rhetoric that demonized these people as selfish instead of clearly in need of help.

Mental health is a complicated, enigmatic concept. We’re told from the start that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to reach out for help or reassurance, but as soon as you do, you’re put down for being “weak” or “needy”.

Human beings need help sometimes. A lot of the time.

We struggle to accept that sometimes, horrible things happen. We’re quicker to cherry pick things that we think we can argue are more in our realm of control, like addictions or depression and anxiety. Any viral Facebook meme will tell you that the key to curing depression is a walk in the park and a baby corgi. Unfortunately it isn’t that simple nor easily wrapped up.

If someone tells you they have cancer, they are quicker to be supported and have people actively reach out to check on their well-being. If someone tells you they have depression, the reach out is a lot more sporadic, if at all, and sometimes met with a, “Well, I’m here if you need something.” We tend to look at things like depression as things we can control, so when people who supposedly “have it all” end their life, it is usually met with anger or confusion, whereas if they had cancer, it would have been nothing but sadness.

Bourdain was also proof that despite what we choose to believe, depression and addiction are not prejudiced. Mental illness doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, male or female, or where you are, it just grabs you. It just holds on like a demon on your back sinking its claws into your flesh. It just holds on.

The phrase that gets listlessly thrown around is, “We need to do better.” We need to stop saying it and just do it, because at this point, the phrase means nothing. We have to stop saying things and actively be better for our friends, family, and peers. And we have to do so much more than just obligatory check ins.

We live in a society where we refuse to allow people to be vulnerable. The gut reaction and answer when someone asks, “Hey, you doing okay?” is,“Yeah, I’m fine.” We’re not fine, though.

The only way to really support each other is by forming actual, meaningful relationships with the people around you. If we form these true connections with each other, we’ll find that we get actual, honest, bloody answers. The next time someone asks how we’re doing, we might actually respond with the phrase we so desperately want to use: “You know, not that great. Can we talk about it?”

It’s not enough anymore to be half-assed allies to each other in order to gain metaphorical gold stars and brownie points with each other. We’re losing each other and we have to make it stop. We have to shut down the stigma around mental illness, and we have to start doing it now.

In 2016, over 45,000 suicides occurred in the United States, was double the number of homicides that year. The number is significantly more staggering in rural states, such as North Dakota, where the number rose to 57 percent. Nevada, however, had record a decline of 1 percent.

Suicide is now the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

“I think this gets back to what do we need to be teaching people — how to manage breakups, job stresses,” said Christine Moutier, medical director of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in an interview with The Washington Post. “What are we doing as a nation to help people to manage these things? Because anybody can experience those stresses. Anybody.”

Moutier maintained that suicide can be addressed, if we can end the stigma around mental health. “If you think of [suicide] as other leading causes of death, like AIDS and cancer, with the public health approach, mortality rates decline,” Moutier said. “We know that same approach can work with suicide.”

With all that said, we may be at least on the right track. This past Sunday, New York and Virginia were the first two states to require mental health education in schools. Virginia’s law will require that mental health education be included in the ninth and tenth grade physical education and health curricula.

Virginia Senator Creigh Deeds is who we have to thank for sponsoring Virginia’s bill. He was inspired by listening to a presentation by Albemarle County high schoolers in 2017, and the death of his son, Gus Deeds. Gus died by suicide in 2013 after he was released by a hospital because there were no open psychiatric beds anywhere in the western part of the state.

“I was impressed by [the high schoolers’] thoughtfulness, because a lot of these young people had seen bullying. They had seen depression. They had seen classmates that had died by suicide,” Deeds said in an interview with CNN. “It’s part of tearing down the stigma and providing some equality with those that struggle with mental health.”

Deeds’ legislation is a good start, but it won’t be enough on its own. Talking about suicide and mental illness is difficult, but we can’t get past the stigma if we don’t. I don’t have all of the answers and I don’t know anyone who does, but what I do know is that we need to start doing better for ourselves, and for each other.

J. Cole’s Song “FRIENDS” is the Soundtrack For Life Right Now

Deandrea Chavis | June 25, 2018

Topics: depression, Drug addiction, hip hop, J Cole, mental health

J. Cole’s newest album KOD, meaning Kids on Drugs, King Overdosed or Kill Our Demons (however you decide to interpret it), touches on depression, anxiety, and addiction in today’s society – all topics we tend to sweep under the rug. Yet with this new album, Cole has introduced a conversation that we must talk about whether we want to or not.

FRIENDS is the standout track on the KOD album, which he performed on the BET Award Show last night. From the very beginning, he spit some real shit; there is something about the first 30 seconds that determines if you really gonna rock with it or not.

“But I’m aggravated without it
My saddest days are without it
My Saturdays are the loudest
I’m blowing strong
Some niggas graduated with powder
I dabble later, I doubt it”

These are the first few bars of the opening verse, one that many people overlook, because they don’t realize how closely related we are to the lyrics he is dropping.

Many people say they would never even think about taking harder drugs, but it becomes common than we think as music listeners become shaped by lyrics. Every day, we watch and listen to rappers brag about the money they have, they women they get, and the drugs they are abusing. We must be careful about what we ingest, literally in our bodies and through music, because although we want to say it doesn’t, these things influences us.

Think about it. No one was really ‘sippin lean’ (a cough syrup cocktail) until it became a trend in our music, and no one was into molly or pills until artists started talking about them in their songs.

College students become exposed to everything. We’ve all wandered around at that college party and accidentally ended up in a private room where the ‘real party’ is–kids hanging in a circle with their drug of choice. There are plenty of people who wake up and have to smoke weed–without it they’re hella moody and unproductive. They can’t go to class, work, or sleep without it.

Often times, society becomes content with its habits toward drugs, thinking they have it under control. It’s just good fun. But in reality, we are just a generation of functional drug addicts, no matter your vice, whether its weed, pills, or lean.

Then here we are watching our ‘friends’ fall into this trap. I think many people forget that college doesn’t last forever, and these habits just don’t disappear after graduation.

“But fuck that now I’m older I love you ’cause you my friend
Without the drugs I want you be comfortable in your skin
I know you so I know you still keep a lot of shit in
You running from yourself and you buying product again
I know you say it helps and no I’m not trying to offend
But I know depression and drug addiction don’t blend”

People on Twitter complain about how depression and mental illness are the major ignored problems in the black community, but those same people sit and watch the people around them suffer, not saying a word. Pointing the finger is useless, because we are all guilty. The topic of addiction and mental illness is something all generations may not know how to approach without offending someone, or being made to feel like we are invading their privacy. 

Real friends know when their friends are suffering whether they decide to speak up or not. Like J Cole says, we watch our friends wallow and move like robots, just going through the motions and as soon as class is dismissed, they smoke or drink their problems away.

We have to stop and speak up, because sooner or later mental health problems are going to catch up with all of us, consciously or not. It could be watching your friends ‘graduate to powder’ (cocaine), or becoming suicidal.

Let me be clear, I’m not blaming anyone, or suggesting that if you ‘spark the jay’ (marijuana), you’re wrong and will become an addict. If you want to smoke, do it, but recognize when the drugs become a problem and dependence is built.

Ask yourself: Is there a deeper problem? Am I running from something?

If you’re going to be a friend, then be a friend. Stop allowing your friends to enter this downward spiral of depression and drug addiction. Call your friends out on their shit before it’s too late.

Love,

An OG J. Cole fan

Music Sponsored By Graduate Richmond

Local pop punk band hopes to reach ‘damaged kids’ with new clothing line

Brad Kutner | January 26, 2015

Topics: Broadside, depression, kickstarter, RVA punk music

“I really wanted to be that bridge to the idea of hope,” said Oliver Bierman, lead singer of local pop-punk outfit Broadside, who described his own issues with depression and anxiety when he was growing up.

He remembered honing in on bands as a teenager and how their music helped him deal with his own emotional issues. Taking inspiration from these memories, Bierman hopes his work with Damaged Kids, his fledgling clothing line, will allow for more personal and direct communication with his fans.

“I am living proof that you can push through anything that you put your mind to,” said Bierman. Bierman is using Kickstarter to begin his new clothing line, Damaged Kids. The line will bring awareness and raise money for the causes of teen depression and anxiety.

The Kickstarter, which began a few weeks ago, is asking for $1200 to help begin the line. Designs are mocked up on the crowdfunding page and stickers have been ordered. Bierman said he turned to Kickstarter because he couldn’t get the money himself.

“Being someone who just works a daytime pizza job, I couldn’t just pull it out of pocket. I couldn’t make it really come alive,” said Bierman. “But if you stand behind something like Kickstarter, it really gives you the opportunity to reach out to people so that they can have a piece of something so they can build it with you.”

He also said he has looked into other ways of getting the money needed to begin the line if the Kickstarter fails to meet its goal. He also stressed that the line isn’t a front for anything.

“Every penny of the $1200 I ask will be used for the initial costs. This isn’t me being a broke band dude saying ‘give me money’!” Bierman laughed. “I just can’t do it all myself, it’s something I need a crowd to help me out in the best way that they can.”

Bierman is in contact with various charity groups to donate some of the money from the Kickstarer fund raising. But he said Kickstarter’s rules were unclear as to what he could list on the crowdfunding page.

Bierman said the concept behind Damaged Kids comes from the idea that those suffering aren’t totally broken, and can still get help. He believes those he reaches with his music can relate to the message and will hopefully throw some money behind his cause.

“I just really wanted to take the idea of [how] right now it feels like the end, but it’s not. You’re just damaged, not broken,” he said.

Bierman said that even when he is traveling the country on tour, the line won’t be neglected, because he is building a staff here of people he trusts.

He said he would keep up with the line’s social media, and that he balances his many projects because can’t sit still for very long. Bierman said that “if there was a way I could just open up my head and pour coffee in, I would.”

His central motivation here, however, is to give back: “I really wanted to take that word ‘damaged’ and say we are damaged and we are hurt and we are bruised and we are isolated and afraid and anxious but that’s what we as a collective are. I wanted to take that word and shine light on it.”

Check out Bierman’s kickstarter page here.

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