I don’t usually put myself in things (maybe my opinions, but thats kind of my gig). But as I was editing this week’s local ‘best of missed connections’ post farmed by intrepid intern Victoria Zawitkowski, I was so taken back by one post it almost ruined my day.
The post in question stood out more than any MC I have ever read (and I’ve been reading 10 of these a week for almost a year).
It stood out so much, in fact, that I felt the need to share it with the world in full video.
So below is said video of me reading this post. The text of the missed connection can be read further down the page.
Feel free to read along, because it is outstanding.
Riki, if you’re out there, please hit Baby Cakes up.
Riki from da rouge club – m4w – 28 (richmond) 3/31
age : 28 body : fit height : 6’0″ (182cm) status : single
hi, my name is rusty but my friends call me baby cakes. dont no y they just do and at first i was like “da fuk?” but now i’m all like “whatever”
Anyways me and my dude friends gordo and wolfman (thats not his real name, kinda like baby cakes) went to this bitchin strip club in the great river city so we could see some gazongas and booty-things bounce around under some weird redish lights (wats up wit dat anyways?).
So we got to da club and made sure we tipped the lady taking the money cuz she was hella nice and didnt make a fat joke at my boy gordo. anyways I had to take a shit like it was nobodyz business so I hit the john and layed a couple of potatoes in the magic porsalen (sp?) wirlpool. But when I got out da bathroom I see like this angel pass by me and I was like “da fuk?” she was this magical mistress with black hair and a resting bitch face and not the kinda resting bitch face that makes you want to call a priest and carry yo ass to church but the kinda resting bitch face that makes you want to get to know it when it is not actively bitchifying everything its lookin at because it would probably be really pretty and make every one and everything around it smile like little babies gettin the shit tickled out of em.
So I meet up wit gordo who is trying to hard to not let the dancer hes talkin to see his obvius boner and wolfman is nowere to be found but fuck him ‘cuz I’m tryna holla at this beautiful girl with the black hair. So she starts to dance (and boy can she ever) and I notice she gotta bunch of tattoos like stars goin down her arm and shit and I find myself staring at them then I seem to get lost in space like actual space by looking at da stars on her arm and shit and I ask da dancer who has now noticed that gordos dong is bein a loser what dat dancers name is and she all like “Ricky” and I’m kinda pissed cuz I’m like “Ricky’s my dad’s name liaing ass bitch” (I didnt say the bitch part) and she was like naw r-i-k-k-i and I was like “Oh, like some porn stars do.” and she was like “Yeah and walked off.”
So Rikki if you reading this, hit me up. I think your special and we can have some good talks about love an lizards (I have 11 lizards at my house an theyd probably be stoked to meet you). Im a cool guy and hope your cool too. Hmu.
