We received this in an email to win the Medeski, Martin, & Wood tickets and thought it rang true. Richmond can be ridiculous.
Richmond is so scene
Seriously, Richmond has to be looked at. This girl from Lynchburg moved there. She lets me know that she has a shirt that says, ‘Richmond is so scene.’ She works in Carytown but lives in Fulton Hill.
Richmond is so scene.
She doesn’t use GRTC; she has one of those cutthroat bikes she made out of PBR cans.
Richmond is so scene.
She does all these things like bartending and dog walking in the Fan. Richmond is so scene. She, of course, is right. Richmond is so scene. My first night, I went to Gilpin Court; crack cocaine was going at two for one. And you betcha, I ran into Councilman Marty Jewell.
Richmond is so scene.
Hey, that local Jubilee Journal, RVA Mag, has insane parties at the 5 with free cigarettes. Guess who I saw there? A 17-year-old hanging out with a 45-year-old.
Richmond is so scene.
You walk down the street, people like shoot at u. Richmond is so scene. Shit, that section where they show folks out ‘n about in Brick Weekly… I’m in the last issue standing next to a white kid with long dreads and Tim Kaine.
Richmond is so scene.
You know my favorite restaurant in Richmond, this attitude-ridden Italian joint, Mama Zu’s… It’s across the street from Dirtwoman. You know who I saw with her? That guy from Avail.
Richmond is so scene.
You can really get bored out here; I mean, crazy bored. Hip kids are vigorously into reading books.
Richmond is so scene.
You gotta have a look, so my friend took me to Stony Point Mall. They have a Cold Stone Creamery as big as a Ukrops.
Richmond is so scene.
What was really hanis was this consignment where this dude totally sold me a black-on-black jacket and a wacky Virginia Tech football hat.
Richmond is so scene.
Then there was this crazy store; they only sold pink Stride Rites. I think it was called ‘Fan Thrift’ or something. That really hot girl from Channel 6 was there.
Richmond is so scene.
It’s so funny how far your dollar goes. It’s okay, though, cuz it usually leaves enough for the China Bus. This magazine called Style had this party with a bunch of free fresh-squeezed orange juice.
Richmond is so scene.
I had to go to the bathroom, so I went off to this alley, and I saw that actor guy with big hips from the Firehouse Theatre throwing up right next to me.
Richmond is so scene.
So all my friends, and their friends, have jobs… and work.
Richmond is so scene.
This one girl was so hot; her mom worked at VDOT, and her father did the artwork for Lamb of God’s third album.
Richmond is so scene.
Everyone in RVA is a musician; even the movie extras DJ at Europa. There, they play old-school cutting-edge music like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.
Richmond is so scene.
Everyone in Richmond is so attractive. I saw this hot couple… He had on khakis with a pink Izod, and she had on docksiders with a really spunky purse from Poesis.
Richmond is so scene.
My friend constantly complains about how her life in Richmond is so miserable. Her apartment is only $300 a month. She never has fun and has three jobs… she waits at Ipanema, gets tattoos, and goes to Belle Isle.
Richmond is so scene, Richmond is so scene!!!
I’m back home now, and it’s so funny. That super hip magazine Richmond Free Press comes, and I’m in it. I was stone sober. I’m in a picture in the back at this club. Standing next to me in the picture is NASCAR driver Denny Hamlin. I went up to him and said, ‘How fast can you do?’ And he had me kicked out. I kept saying, ‘Please don’t ever let me in this club again. Show me where it says on the list, Denny Hamlin?’
Dude, drunk Richmonders in Norfolk are so cool. I can’t wait to never go there again.
Richmond is so scene. Next time I’m going to Richmond, I’m going to remain celibate.
