“Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up!” – Ash Williams, a guy with a chainsaw for a hand and more brains than most of us.
In 1992, Army of Darkness hit theaters, and civilization has been on the decline ever since. Why? Because people still haven’t figured out that this is, without question, one of the greatest movies ever made. You got your fantasy, you got your horror, you got your comedy, and you’ve got a guy with a boomstick. What more do you people want? An Oscar? Well, guess what—Bruce Campbell hasn’t won one of those yet, and frankly, that tells you everything you need to know about the system.
But I digress. We’re not here to fix the Oscars (though someone sure as hell should). No, we’re here to talk about a screening of Army of Darkness at the Byrd Theatre on Monday, October 28th, 2024. And yes, it’s a fundraiser to help the Byrd Theatre stay alive, because, just like Bruce Campbell’s career, this place deserves to go on forever.
Now, if you’ve never seen Army of Darkness, I don’t know what the hell you’ve been doing with your life, but it probably hasn’t been productive. This is the Halloween movie. It’s like shoving all the good parts of Halloween—costumes, candy, and the smell of burning pumpkins—right into your brain while you laugh your ass off. Watching this movie is the equivalent of drinking 57 cups of coffee and then trying to outrun the Halloween Parade in Oregon Hill. You’re gonna be hyped, confused, and somehow still totally satisfied.
Now let me break it down for you. Army of Darkness isn’t just your typical, “Oh no, there’s a killer in the woods” horror movie. No. Ash Williams isn’t running from some guy in a mask. He’s been thrown into medieval England, fighting an army of Deadites, trying to get back to the present. And of course, he screws it all up, because that’s what heroes do—just ask any politician. But unlike the so-called leaders of today, Ash actually solves his problems, with nothing but a shotgun and the world’s worst battle cry: “Klaatu Barada Nikto” (or something like that).
On October 28th, at 7 PM, RVA Magazine is celebrating this masterpiece in the best way possible—by screening it in one of the last true Grand Cinema Palaces in the U.S., the Byrd Theatre. And we’re raising money to keep this place looking sharp because, let’s face it, once the Byrd Theatre is gone, they’re just gonna build another Starbucks there, and the world doesn’t need more pumpkin spice anything. So get your ass in a seat, buy some popcorn, and let’s keep this place alive.
And for those of you who like to “pre-game” Halloween, we’re having a special happy hour at NY Deli starting at 6 PM, with some spooky drink specials. Because nothing says “Halloween spirit” like getting half-sloshed before watching Bruce Campbell chop off his own hand.
So here’s the deal, Richmond. Whether you’re a Sam Raimi nerd, a Bruce Campbell cultist, or you just like to watch skeletons get their asses handed to them by a guy with a shotgun, this is your night. Come out, watch Army of Darkness, support the Byrd Theatre, and celebrate Halloween the right way—with some laughs, some blood, and Bruce Campbell.
See you there, Richmond. Or not. But if you don’t show up, you’re missing out on the greatest cult movie experience of all time. No pressure.
