Haha OMG OK let’s just get this out there right now–Traitors is kind of a ridiculous band. I’m not saying I don’t love them, because I kind of can’t help but love them in the same way I’m super stoked on Sworn In or Xibalba, but it must be admitted that they are ridiculous. Deathcore was bound to reach this extreme, though, in which bands broke through some sort of fourth wall into the nether reaches of slam death metal by deciding that breakdowns were so sick they just weren’t gonna play anything else. It’s true–Traitors songs start with breakdowns. Brutal ones. Then at a certain point, after that riff has started to seem relatively normal-speed, they break it down farther. Eventually they land at the sort of insane slow-motion breakdown pioneered by Shattered Realm and On Broken Wings a decade or so ago. Then the song ends, and another one starts. With another breakdown.

What I’m saying is, if you hate it when there are random mediocre two-step parts in the middle of mosh songs just to break them up, if you get sick of waiting around for the breakdown, Traitors are the band for you. They’ll keep you spinkicking and windmilling all night. You’ll need to do some exercise so you’re not tired out after two songs, of course, but that just means you should listen to Traitors records while you work out, in order to get more stoked and become more familiar with the changes so you can time your mosh moves perfectly. I admit that I will be way back in the anonymous crowd during all of this–after all, when was the last time you saw a 40-year-old woman throwing down hard in the pit? But don’t let my intrusive awareness of my own mortality stop you–be young, be wild, be free, be the kids wrecking the pit during the Traitors show at The Canal Club this Monday night. Your elders are watching–don’t let us down.