As Halloween time comes circling in around us, the leaves fallen and brown, local rock band Roughshod has released “I Can’t Be Your Girl” with an aptly timed horror-themed music video.
The video starts in a desolate, misty wood, the four instrumentalists of the band in a semi-circle, all wearing some sort of 80s horror-inspired garb, all outfitted in sunglasses. A rising wave of synthesizer feeds back until the band jumps into a rhythmic Viagra Boys-esque beat. An underlying tension drives the song like a stolen car down a desert highway. The rhythm section of Ian Marburger and Bram Crowe-Getty stays steady as a helicopter, while the guitar of Austin Ruhf and keys of Ian Atchison add all sorts of flair on top.
As we seem to descend into the song, the camera pans into the previously untouched greenery centered between the band. Here we find a cavern with singer Cel bringing in the first words of the track:
take off this dress i’ve made a mess
take off these heels heed the warning
every part of me is screaming
His words echo out in a cool and calculated voice before tearing into the words, “start it all over and make me a man.” Before you even realize what’s happened, you’re back with the band, back in that same deep groove.
pick up the bottle im depressed
what a cruel way to make me this
every part of me is screaming
Here we start getting the full story of the song. Vocalist Cel is mapping out the situation, his life as a gay transgender man. He writes it out as calmly as possible, but eventually, the emotion of wanting to be seen takes over, and he erupts into the line: “start it all over and make me look like him.”
As Cel emerges from the floral cocoon, we enter the chorus, where he repeats the line “No, I can’t be her,” as the band responds, “I can’t be your girl, I can’t be a girl.” The call-and-response vocals establish a sort of internal conversation. We drop back into the verse, that bass-driven speed wagon, while the band searches the woods with flashlights.
Diving further into the lyrics of this song, I think it is easy to see that this is some of Roughshod’s, and specifically Cel’s, best work. He provides us with every angle of internal conflict, facing societal expectations to be something that he truly is not. The swirling camera adds to the emotional spiral as Cel twists and writhes on the ground, pulling at their suit jacket.
Though much of this song feels like an internal monologue, I think broadly it is a cry to the world, a line in the sand saying, “take me as I am, not as who you want me to be.” It grabs the passerby on the street and states that no matter how hard you try, you can’t change me. We’ve all been dealt our cards, and I am playing mine straight out.
Gender is truly a wide spectrum, and this song appeals to every different form. Cel themself is a trans man, but also non-binary and transmasculine, and all of those qualities are still applicable to the search for gender euphoria that this song conveys.
As the song enters a bit of a breakdown, I think we get some of the rawest lyrics:
I could be your brother, I could be your son, I could be a friend, I could be the one, I could be your secret, I could be some fun, I could be a friend, I could be the one.
It is an honest explanation of who Cel is, while also a cheeky and romantic wink toward the men who have trouble being honest with themselves. Being open about who you are is often a hard thing. Cel shows his strength and bravery by bearing it all on this song, opening up about struggles as a transgender gay man, but letting that anger and frustration fuel the truth.
I find that this song actually inspires a lot of hope. Though it describes the struggles and hardships of life, it shows you can be honest and move forward, not letting the roadblocks stop you from believing in the future you want to see.
You can find that in the vocals alone. Cel has one of the best voices in Richmond, with incredible range and tone quality. He can easily switch between a more theatrical and clean vocal to a brutal and blood-curdling scream. As he goes into the outro, he begins to belt and riff on the line “one son, one son, one son.”
“I Can’t Be Your Girl” is a beautifully written song about the struggles that trans people face in finding authentic dating experiences but I find it to be hopeful. Cel perseveres through the pain seen in the chorus scenes, rolling around on the ground looking strained, and continues to declare his intentions with more and more confidence in every line.
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