Dear Cafe Darkness 04/08/2010

by | Apr 8, 2010 | POLITICS

Dear Café Darkness ,
I just started a new job and I totally hate it! My coworkers are complete losers. All they want to talk about is American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. The women wear hose with sandals, and guys wear pants that are entirely too short. It’s so gross! The thought of coming into the office every day makes my skin crawl. How do I deal?

signed,
Hating my job in Oregon Hill

So you find your job to be a soul-sucking, tedious place, devoid of emotion and life? Alright, let us reach down real deep and see if we can relate. Our first tip is to listen to music. Constantly. Modest Mouse is great to listen to at work. Their sad is so epic that even when dealing with the most boring tasks, it ain’t that bad! Also, start a blog. It will take up hours of your day that you used to spend just staring at the mundane, gray walls of your cube. Just make sure it’s not funnier than ours, mmkay?

Dear Café Darkness ,
I just started a new job and I totally hate it! My coworkers are complete losers. All they want to talk about is American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. The women wear hose with sandals, and guys wear pants that are entirely too short. It’s so gross! The thought of coming into the office every day makes my skin crawl. How do I deal?

signed,
Hating my job in Oregon Hill

So you find your job to be a soul-sucking, tedious place, devoid of emotion and life? Alright, let us reach down real deep and see if we can relate. Our first tip is to listen to music. Constantly. Modest Mouse is great to listen to at work. Their sad is so epic that even when dealing with the most boring tasks, it ain’t that bad! Also, start a blog. It will take up hours of your day that you used to spend just staring at the mundane, gray walls of your cube. Just make sure it’s not funnier than ours, mmkay?

Dear Café Darkness,
Last weekend I got completely and totally hamboned before a friend’s cookout and, from what I can recall, was a total jackass. I’m too embarrassed to ask my friends to clarify if I actually river danced in their backyard or if that was just a dream. Do I simply pretend my drunken antics didn’t occur, or issue a mass e-mail apology for drinking all of their beer and continuing to change the music to “stuff that didn’t suck”?

signed,
Pregaming too hard in Church Hill

Are you living our life, dear reader? We also pregamed the party entirely too hardy last Friday and ended up being completely hammer timed when arriving at a seven PM cookout. Instead of having anxiety over our ridiculous behavior we took immediate comfort when friends assured us that our level of inebriation encouraged them to get their own party started, thus causing them to forget how ridiculous we were earlier on in the evening. As long as your friends aren’t total losers, you should be straight. Cheers and let us know when the next happy hour is, bitches!

Dear Café Darkness,
I’m sick and tired of my social scene. I go to the same bars all the time and can’t seem to mix things up. How do I convince my friends to go places besides TGI Fridays and The Cheesecake Factory?

signed,
Needing a Makeover in Short Pump

This is an easy one. Move. ASAP. The only things happening in Downtown Short Pump are SUVs and traffic. Once you get out that hellhole and into the city, ditch your friends and you’ll discover a wild, wonderful world filled with individually owned restaurants and bars. You will never have to drink a Mega-rita or eat jalapeño poppers ever again!

Agreed. – ed.

To have your questions answered by the lovely but doubly jaded Richmond ladies at Café Darkness , go to their city famous blog and ask them.

R. Anthony Harris

R. Anthony Harris

In 2005, I created RVA Magazine, and I'm still at the helm as its publisher. From day one, it’s been about pushing the “RVA” identity, celebrating the raw creativity and grit of this city. Along the way, we’ve hosted events, published stacks of issues, and, most importantly, connected with a hell of a lot of remarkable people who make this place what it is. Catch me at @majormajor____




more in politics

Opinion | It’s Time to Rethink Primaries

Editor's Note: The views expressed are those of the author. Lisa Vedernikova Khanna ran for Congress in Virginia's 1st Congressional District and previously served as Chief of Staff at the Democratic National Committee. This essay reflects her perspective and personal...

Far-Right “Remigration” Propaganda Targets Bhatti Campaign

Several campaign signs for Democratic congressional candidate Salaam Bhatti were vandalized over the weekend with professionally printed flyers telling him to "return to your homeland" in multiple languages. The flyers also featured the hashtag #Remigration, a term...

Virginia’s New Marijuana Law: Everything You Need to Know

After years of legislative battles, vetoes, compromise negotiations, and numerous articles, Virginia finally has a roadmap for legal recreational marijuana sales. The state budget signed into law earlier this week establishes a regulated cannabis marketplace beginning...

The Strange Afterlife of Virginia’s President Heads

Editor's Note: Reminder, the sculptures are located on private property and are not open for general visitation. Access is available only through scheduled guided tours, with Labor Day weekend currently expected to be the final tour on the calendar. Tour information...

Blöthar: “GWAR Didn’t Change. The World Freakin Changed.”

Richmond metal band GWAR says the Secret Service contacted the group following a recent performance at the Vans Warped Tour in Washington, D.C., that featured the mock execution of a Donald Trump effigy. Video of the performance, which showed band members...

Salon de Résistance | Lieutenant Governor Ghazala Hashmi

Join us for Salon de Résistance on June 26 at Black Iris for an unfiltered conversation with Lieutenant Governor Ghazala Hashmi on how Democratic leadership is shaping Virginia's future in a divided nation. This is a free event, open to the public. Doors at 6pm....

The Fight Over Who Gets to Sell Weed

A recent report by Radio IQ suggests Virginia lawmakers are once again inching toward a legal recreational marijuana market, this time through the state budget process. Following Governor Abigail Spanberger's veto, Senate Democrats have threatened to fold retail...

Topics: