RVA Magazine’s Xmas 2k14 Last Minute Gift Guide!

by | Dec 17, 2014 | POLITICS

It’s December 17, and you have done absolutely zero [insert holiday you hate but celebrate anyway for familial purposes here] shopping. What’s wrong with you, you big dumb idiot? What are you gonna do?

It’s December 17, and you have done absolutely zero [insert holiday you hate but celebrate anyway for familial purposes here] shopping. What’s wrong with you, you big dumb idiot? What are you gonna do? Craft something? Yeah, why don’t you eat a box of cookies and scroll through your clogged up Pinterest board for the umpteenth time. Are you really gonna make those book planters for your mother?

No. No you are not.

Have no fear–RVA Mag is here! Peep our last minute gift guide for prezzies that’ll make you look thoughtful and sweet, and not like the selfish loser you really are.

Oontz Angle Portable Speaker

I know you have friends who still listen to music through their laptop speakers. Tell them to stop it with this lil guy! This speaker is cheap and good and uses the latest in wireless technology, aka Bluetooth. I can attest it’s good because I have it. And when I binge watch Sex And The City online, I use it. Let me tell you, Carrie Bradshaw’s incessant complaining comes across clear as crystal.

A Journal for Your Friend Who Won’t Ever Stop Talking about Her/Himself

What better way to coyly tell someone to SHUT UP ALREADY than to give him or her a book to write in every single night? Mongrel has a bunch. Go buy one. Then you won’t have to hear someone yapping about hangnails and moisturizer and, like, what they ate for breakfast four days ago. You still might, though. Maybe a journal will encourage more gabbing. Who knows.

Cynthia Rowley Bangle Flask

Holy freaking shit is this even real?? Cynthia Rowley, you’re a queen goddess person and deserve an award. I don’t know if you have 350 bucks to shell out for a freaking BANGLE FLASK, but if you do and you’re friends with a party girl (me. If you can afford this you are friends with me as of right now), SCOOP THIS BAD BOY UP. SERIOUSLY.

A Plush Cthulhu

This is for someone who has a baby. Or someone you know who acts like a baby. Or someone who needs cuddles.

Anywho, I was all up in World of Mirth the other day and grabbed the Cthulhu and wouldn’t let go for a solid five minutes. It is seriously sooo ka-yoot!! And soft. It’s like the softest thing ever. I don’t know how Squishable does it but they’re brilliant geniuses when it comes to stuffed animals. Plus this one is a freakin’ Cthulhu, so you’ll be forcibly turning the receiver of this present into a cool nerd.

A DIY Sassy Cross Stitch Kit

Because trendy folk really like these things. I found this particular kit on this website called Etsy. Have you heard of it? It’s like a GLOBAL MARKETPLACE; so cool. Anyway, this kit is on sale and features a bad word in a pretty font. Can you say ~*EdGy YeT cUtE **~~~

A Low Quality yet Oddly Expensive Film Camera Because Everybody’s a Hipster

“Oh my gaahhd, so retro!” (says a friend you should get rid of ASAP.)

If you feel like braving Hell on Earth (read: “Short Pump Town Center”) this holiday season, you can stroll your grouchy ass into Urban Outfitters and grab a Holga or a Fujifilm Instax. OR you can go to the thrift store and pick up a point and shoot film camera for ~3 dollars. Either way, with this gift you’ll have the power to turn all your friends into Terry Richardson. Just remember that none of the cool pix they take of you will end up on Instagram 🙁

Weed Socks

For the beloved stoner in your life. Tip: get multiple pairs because people tend to want to wear them all the time, resulting in stinky feet. Pretty sure you can find them at Venue but don’t quote me. You can also just ask any skater or hypebeast where they got theirs from.

Fine Leather Goods

If you’re mad in love with a super cool person who loves leather, hit up Addison Handmade & Vintage and grab something by Richmond-based Helm & Craft. Mmmmm so nice.


The only appropriate gift certificate is a gift certificate to the ABC store.

A Knitting Kit for Someone Who is Better at Crafts than You

This shit from Wool and the Gang is expensive, but it’s nice, it comes in a cool, trendy package, and you don’t have to do a damn thing! Just be all like, “Here ya go, nerd! Have fun making this gift I gave you. I’m so lazy hahahaha!” I saw some of these kits at Need Supply recently.

Adult Mad Libs

You are poor. Mad Libs are cheap and fun. Hooooorraaaaay!

Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate. Ack!

That is a 30 Rock reference. If you are a crap gift giver, hit up For the Love of Chocolate and get a box of yummy handmade chocolates. Just make sure the receiver likes chocolate. Be forewarned: For the Love of Chocolate is mad busy on Christmas Eve, as chocolate is the universal gift choice for people who are bad at gifts and know it. It’s ok, we forgive you, as chocolate is yummy.

Really Cute Locally Made Stuff!

It’s mad hard to single out local vendors, but check out the vendors on the Handmade Holiday 2014 page. The event already happened (after all, this is a LAST MINUTE!!!! post), but you can still purchase goods from these awesome people! My mother is a big fan of her With Lavender and Lace phone case, and The Daily Scrub makes, like, the most ballin’ soaps ever.

There you have it! The RVA Last Minute!!!! Gift Guide 2k14. We hope we helped. We probably did, actually. This list is good.

Anyway, Happy Holi-daze if you’re a stoner.
Happy Holi-blaze if you’re a stoner, pt. 2.
Happy LOL-idays if you’re funny.
Happy U-Haul-idays if you’re moving.
Happy Menthol-idays if you represent 30% of American smokers.
Happy Brawl-idays if you fight a lot with your family.

Marilyn Drew Necci

Marilyn Drew Necci

GayRVA editor-in-chief, RVA Magazine editor for print and web. Anxiety expert, proud trans woman, happily married.

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