It’s another week of quarantine here in the Missed Connections, and we’re missing just about everything at this point — some of this week’s posters are even missing those cheesy bikini car wash events that random cheerleading groups throw to raise funds for prom or whatever. I always thought they were a little degrading, myself, but hey, whatever puts a smile on your face in this trying time can’t be all bad.

Elsewhere in this week’s roundup of Missed Connections, we’ve got a strong showing from the Craigslist poets out there, people using their toilet paper hoards as inducement for hookups, and married folks at home with their partners who are still complaining of isolation and looking for strangers to meet up in secret places. Missed Connections: keeping it classy as always.

Y’all should probably chill with the invites for strangers to hang in your hot tub though. Those things are known incubators of disease even in non-plague times. At least, that’s what I’ve read on the internet.

Shout-out to the real ones this week who are still posting about actual encounters with specific people instead of just looking for hookup buddies. With all of us confined to our homes week after week, you folks are becoming an endangered species.

Stay safe and stay at home, Virginia.

Car wash

Looking for a woman willing to wash my car in a bikini. I can come to you. I’ll bring a lawn chair and payment. Let’s pick a sunny day. Send a pic and how much you want. We can social distance. I’m just bored

For you (Richmond)

For the days I seek to walk besides you
For the days I want your face to the first one I see
For the days I think about you and smile every minute of it
For those days I wait.

For Longing dream to be true
For my heart to know love again
For my hands to be held again
For my eyes to capture every moment of it
For my soul to be at peace with you

To know you and to live the every moment of it
To make you happy and to keep you warm
To treasure and protect what is yours already
would be the promise I make

Hot Tub Fun (Yorktown)

Couple guys here looking for a single LADY wanting to join us in the hot tub tonight for a drink and relax. Who knows what may POP up?

Quarantine and chill

Attractive swm with tons of toilet paper. I am listed as essential. Maybe you feel the same. I have this house all to myself with room for a quarantine partner when I’m not out doing “essential” stuff.Looking for a fun girl.40, athletic, funny, professional,big fun.

Isolation Sucks (Gloucester)

Since this covid thing started, it has only heightened the isolation I feel. I get flirted with, smiles and all, even approached every now and then, but I’m honest and let them know I’m attached…and Poof, they go away. But what they don’t understand is how it feels in a relationship that doesn’t , now you do. I am always hopeful that a cute young lady will overcome that hesitation and not let that stop what can be. I’m 50, 6ft, work full time, working from home now so I’m missing even the littlest of connections. Maybe you wanna get the hell out of the city and escape to the country for a while? there is an extra room in the house….if you get my drift, I’m starving for real passion. You pleasant looking, petite young no kids but open to all possibilities…..I’m not here for games, Real Women only!

To the cyclist on main street (Richmond)

I passed you, you sped up
We rode along each other for a while
Really enjoyed the stimulation to keep up but i had to turn onto another street.

We had the same brand of bike and you were carrying a backpack and rockin a full face helmet (in this heat??) And had a long ponytail hanging out the back. It would be nice to ride alongside you again. What were our bike brands?

The good ol’ college days & frat parties

I’m not sure about college kids today but I miss the social life of college parties. Hanging out, dancing, hooking up….especially the hooking up part. Wasn’t it exciting to meet someone new, find out you can have fun hanging out, then going back to a room for passion. I think the line was, “wanna leave here and I’ll walk you home”. Any ladies out there wanna revisit those days with me?

Corgi converses in Food Lion (Pantops)

I was standing in the produce section, talking on the phone and prepping for the quar, when you rounded the ethnic food aisle and caught my eye. Later I saw you in the checkout line and asked if you had little corgis embroidered on your chucks, and you said yes. I thumbs’d up then ran away. You’re hipster fabulous, your hair is bodacious. I salute you.

Miss the good ol’ days (Petersburg)

…when you could just ask, “wanna be my friend?” And it didn’t mean you had to have sex to enjoy each other’s company. I’m looking to try a make new friends with no pressure. What ever happened to just enjoying each other for who you are as a person? I’m a single 31 year old women who would love to make new friends with whoever that’s real and is looking for the same.

Specifically for the mature woman

Meh, life’s previously thrown much more intense knuckleballs in this direction than COVID-19.

At my advanced mortality of almost sixty, I’m not really stressing our pandemic too much.

Whether you’re enthusiastic about going out for lunch or dinner and possibly some enjoyable drinks or not (not a deal breaker), or merely the two of us just being alone, then please contact me.

I’m a white male, height and weight proportionate, obviously capable of eloquently engaging in conversation, incredibly well-traveled with all the myriad tall tales of these adventures, and possess an astutely acerbic wit which is deeply marinated with a wickedly comedic sarcasm.

Passions consist of avid gardening, culinary creativity, and especially, the love and presence of my family:

❤️ ‘If people had hearts like dogs, we would be better humans.’

Looking for a morning 420 girl (Richmond)

Looking for a morning girl to hook up with threw out the week 8 am until about 11 am Monday-fri if that u then I’m available for u hmu for pics

Joker (RVA)

Missing my connection with a fun woman. I saw (nearly walked into) you shopping with your mom at Famous Footwear in the Ville some time ago. Let’s chat and catch up. It’s been too long. Miss that joker.

Golds Gym Willow Lawn (Willow Lawn)

I wish I introduced myself to you so I can be all over you right now during quarantine. You work out in the morning, are tall (over 6 ft), have strawberry blonde hair and those muscles OMG. Everything about you is big and thick just how I like it.

Where are my Dancers (Chesapeake)

Where are my ladies, my VIP sweethearts, my laptop honeys who worked the poles…I miss you!!!

Aldi (Plank rd.) (Fredericksburg)

Hottie in Camo shirt. We talked about how good a certain spread was while you almost knocked down the Soy Sauce. We talked a little and then you walked away. I thought you were going to say something but you didn’t. I would like to continue our talk. Please name the best and sharp spread that we talked about so I know it is the true hottie I seek.

bunch of dead ends (amelia)

why bother emailing if youre not going to follow through? I understand that there are some obstacles but once you figure that you cant meet up then stop emailing lol. Lets enjoy this beautiful day. Email for details

Quarantine games (Chesapeake)

I’m a make, bored, and this staying home, quarantine situation is pretty dull. So if there’s any women who would like to have online banter, fun, flirting, etc. Then let’s talk.

Chit Chat

Looking for someone to chat with. Prefer a single male in case we hit it off. Single older plus size woman. Please be older than 40.

Not looking to meet up with anyone at the moment due to social distancing. Not looking for hook up either or FWB. Not on here for sex.

Quarantine Text Buddy

Hello 🙂 stuck in the house like everyone else with my roomies. Bored and could use a text buddy. Please nobody over 45 as I’m 22 and wouldn’t really have anything in common with you. Send pic in your reply 🙂

looking to talk with open minded people (rich23116mond)

tired of being alond and just want to say hi and see how everyone doing in this fun time were going though. open mind and willing to talk about what on your mind

Biker looking guy at home depot (Rva)

You were husky, bearded and tattooed in your mid thirties. We talked for a while and then you called me “a handsome young man” i got really nervous and left. Kinda regret it and can’t stop thinking about that day. Long shot but hey, hope you see this.

Blue hair at sheets

U with the blue hair in sheets. Waiting on ur shake. I saw u looking U can have some

Hi Ladies! (Roanoke)

Obviously life as we know has changed dramatically recently! I’m finding myself reflect on things from the past that I once really enjoyed, but I allowed the fast pace of life to carve away the time I needed for those activities. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had these thoughts.

I’ve always loved to get to know women. I’m looking for some to share things maybe by email. Our inner thoughts and desires. Maybe things you can’t tell your friends in fear of them judging you. I’m very open about things and without getting into too much detail here just send me a message. Worst that can happen is I’m not your cup of tea, but on the other hand maybe you really like me and we enjoy ourselves. I love to write stories and just interact with females. I have a type A personality, but I’ve always been drawn to females for real friendship.

I’m a 39, white, blonde and blue eyes about 210 and in good shape. I’m not locked into any age group but I’d say 20-50

Generous Guy (Roanoke)

all the missed opportunities!

You’re the pretty girl I flirted with downtown or maybe you were the gorgeous waitress that served me. Maybe I worked with you and secretly had a mad crush on you or we are friends, but I never acted on my urges.

I need a break from the craziness! Maybe just for a few hours or whatever we could pretend life is normal 😉 I promise I won’t bore you!

A plague is loose on the land, and any Missed Connections out there right now are just gonna have to stay missed for a while. But hey, we can still read about them, right? In this trying time, let’s get the little bits of joy where we can.

Like, for example, the guy who still fantasizes about his unrequited high school sweetheart kicking him in the balls — something I’ll bet she’d have enjoyed as much as he would. Or the guy trying to use the toilet paper he’s hoarded as inducement for a casual encounter. And of course, there’s the person who doesn’t want to make frequent Taco Bell visits awkward by confessing a crush on the drive thru guy.

There are plenty of grocery store flirts… and people who don’t seem to understand that quarantine means you can’t invite over random strangers from the internet. But seriously, unless the magician, cowboy, and redneck looking for companionship are all the same guy, you’re probably better off staying away from each other and anyone who’d answer your Missed Connection post — unless you’re trying to catch the coronavirus, and to be blunt, that seems like a really bad idea.

Stay smart, stay safe, and stay at home, Virginia.

Desperate at this point (Yorktown)

Looking for girls to party with a magician, a cowboy, and a redneck tonight. Sick of the virus crap. Looking to have conversation, drinks and fun. Yee-haw.

Help me help you!

Times are really rough right now and I know some ladies might need a helping hand. Whether you just need some 420, some food or some cash. Lend me a hand and I’ll give you a hand. No games. Im open to hanging out during this quarantine as well. Boredom kills lol. I’m as serious as you are!

When I was a kid …

I grew up in Richmond, right near Churchhill, and I used to have a crush on one of the girls in my class. I used to go to bed every night, thinking about her and as I’d fall asleep, I imagined she’d invite me over to her house because she needed help cleaning up. I let her know about the crush I had on her and like any teenage boy, my thoughts immediately went “there” if you know what I mean.

But the one thing that I often thought about was as I’d sit there, enjoying her giving me head (in the fantasy), she’d stand up and look me in the face and then kick me in the balls.

I wanted to live that out so bad. But I can’t now.

COVID 19

What’s everyone doing during this pandemic.

Men in thongs (Roanoke)

Any men who wear thong underwear. Would love to see some pics

Looking (RICHMOND)

For a devil
Want to be haunted
Fill me with a fear

Let’s get sociable!! (Prince george)

im a social butterfly I need to talk/ chat/ interact with people. This whole coronavirus has really fucked with my head. If you are like me. Hit me up I’m down to text.

Looking for special female friend (Willing to go the Highlands) (Chesterfield, VA)

To hang out… Nonessential travel is coming soon, but while we can hang out, go out to eat, or do things, it would be great to meet with someone special. Can host. Prefer fit, intelligent, and easy going. Reply back with photo and a bit about yourself.

Michaels (Fredericksburg)

You where in Michaels you paid for my moms items I just wanted to thank you with all this crazy in the world and the loss of my wife I just wanted to thank you for being so kind I’ve shut out any thought of dating and no this is not about that you renewed my thoughts of people again with your kindness like I told you you are one in a million thank you for that glimmer of hope hope you stay safe and you deserve a perfect life thank you

Let’s talk – house confinement chat (Bayside, Virginia Beach)

This mature male would enjoy chat with a female who may be working at home or perhaps home schooling children. The current situation leaves most of us desiring some way to make our days more interesting. Respond and I will provide means for our dialog.

Elevator (Norfolk)

These are always a longshot, but worth a try. This was probably in January this year. I was in a different time in my life so this is why did not respond to the comment in the elevator. There were 2 women Having a conversation and one of them asked the other “Are you married?” “No, I’m engaged”.

As they walked off the elevator, you turned to me and waved your hand at me and said I’m not, and I just smiled. Please tell me which building we were in when you saw me, I wanna start that moment over again. You were female, I was male.

blond at Kroger with large breast (Mechanicsville)

Wow, you look great shopping this weekend! I love big boobs. I would love to meet up and play. I am hung and discreet. I have tp if you need it..lol

Twisted Pig, Austin, Server, Bar Tender (Port Norfolk Portsmouth)

I’ve been to the restaurant a couple of times but you weren’t there. Maybe it’s the cut backs due to the virus. Anyway, my roommate who comes in with me will be deployed to a clinic or hospital for the virus. He is a medic with the Army Reserves and was called up. This leaves me at the house alone and my reason for this ad, I am looking for a daily companion who can spend a few daytime hours with me. I thought of you first because you are such a friendly and personable young man. If you can do this and are interested, please reply.

Missing a Friend(s) – (SWF)

Finding like minded people shouldn’t be this hard, lol. Being a non-local, I don’t have a group of HS friends where we all hang out and BBQ every weekend (pre-COVID-19). So, what am I looking for – just ADULTS who are sassy, sarcastic, witty, and fun to be around. Optimism is huge too – not into negativity/meanness/selfish/whiny people, sorry! I like to live life and be happy, sue me, lol.

Prefer males over females unless you’re a badass chick like myself (not into cattiness, don’t play the games some females play).

For you dudes, don’t respond asking me to f**k or have sex — that’s NOT what I am seeking. I am over 40, but age isn’t what matters to me, character is what I seek in a person, truly –

I just want a new group of friends to chill with – I like fishing, shooting pool, board games, parks, hiking, concerts, all kinds of things. I rarely drink so if your idea of hanging out is getting hammered; by all means, just keep it moving. ( No, I am not a prude, lol ).

So, if you think you’re pretty cool, message me.

Thank you, peace, and stay safe!

My Zee (Norfolk)

It’s been so long, and I still miss you. I know you can’t, but I wish you could come back to me, my zee. My heart will forever love you, please be happy.

So Bored…. (Roanoke)

Going nuts alone in my air conditioned apartment. Is there a female out there that just wants to hang watch Netflix and eat? Previous hospital worker and tested negative.Im male 6 ft 2 188 lbs

Ocean front playground (Virginia Beach)

She was playing on the monkey bars on the beach. It was cold and windy but you took off your sweatshirt so you could hang upside down,
by the time I got out of my room from the hotel you were gone.

Missed connection hope I see you again

You were the gorgeous blonde in aldi (Williamsburg and laburnum)

You were shopping in Aldi’s around 2 today 5 ft 6 blonde gorgeous woman, you looked scared to be out.
We spoke briefly you said you hadn’t been out in 3 weeks.
I’d love to know more if you’re available and interested tell me what I gave you in the parking lot.

Taco Bell, Hull Street.

You were the guy working the window day before yesterday.
I’m not gonna put my info cause you are way out of my league and this is my go to taco bell 😂
I just wanted to say you were so cute & made me laugh after a bad day!

Platinum blonde in Publix (Mechanicsville Tpk)

The deli clerk asked if we were together. I should have said “not yet!” I’d love to get together.

Looking to find Guy from Country Store (Roanoke)

Trying to find the young married guy from the country store that I helped with fuel and food when you left your wallet at home.
You asked about additional help with rent and utilities, if you are still ready to discuss the work you proposed.
Reach out to me, I am available to help you and your family out and work with you.
Hope to hear from you soon…

It’s surprising to see just how strongly the Missed Connections roll on regardless of the fact that we’re all quarantined in our homes. Personally, I’ve only been around other people once in the past week — I was at the grocery store, frantically trying to grab some toilet paper. How is it still out of stock everywhere? Do some of you have entire spare rooms filled to the ceiling with toilet paper? Were you hoping to buy enough to last the rest of your life?

Anyway, there are apparently still other ways to interact with people besides fighting with them over the last pack of crappy generic TP, and the people in Missed Connections are finding them this week. From checkout lines to hospital waiting rooms to broken down on the side of the road, people in the most desperate of circumstances are still checking each other out. And of course, people spending way more time alone than they’re used to are delving into the back of their minds to obsess over unrequited crushes of the past. Don’t do that, y’all — social distancing is difficult enough without emotionally torturing yourself.

On a lighter note, there’s at least one guy out there who sees a glory hole as a proper way to get around the quarantine guidelines we’re all under. Message to that dude: this is a bad idea. You can’t socially distance with a stranger’s junk in your mouth. But no one ever said you couldn’t make plans…

Save it for later, Virginia.

I wish… (Richmond)

We could have been quarantined together. Maybe the next pandemic.

Quarantined Artist

Bored?, going stir crazy, always wanted to try it, then Let me draw you like one of my French girls….

Okay.

I want you too. I asked for signs. And now no reason to ignore them anymore.
This couldn’t be a weirder time.
But when this thing is over. We’ll go from there.
See you around…

Snow

You were in my dreams last night. It’s been five years, so I’ve no clue why. Maybe because your birthday is mere weeks away. Maybe this IS the apocalypse. If not, have a Happy Birthday, Doc.

-Fox

Looking for Her (Roanoke)

Looking to make a connection now so that we can have fun after all the madness is over. Are you stuck at home looking forward to things getting back to normal? I would love to form a relationship with a likeminded woman, build the tension, share fantasies and then see where it goes. Discretion is very important. I am in my mid thirties, 6 foot and in good shape. Age is not important to me, confidence is!

WALMART— Sunday 3/15 (FRANKLIN)

W/F who spoke of consumer spending & I was talking about the lack of deer park water

Dunkin donuts beautiful blond in suv (Rt 3)

Saw you this morning and have seen you in the past on Saturday’s. Would love the chance to get to know you. I see you’re in a new SUV, let me know the color so I know it’s really you. Hope this finds you in this terrible time we are in. Would love to occupy both our times with some interesting chat. Thanks

Mature tall guy at Chippenham hospital waiting room Friday night. (Richmond)

Hey young wm here I was waiting in the waiting room and saw you wearing some shorts and a tea shirt. You were on the right of me sitting maybe 4 chairs down. I wanted to try and speak to you but I don’t know if you’d be interested. If you are and you noticed me in my red hat let me know.

Missing a hole in the wall (Ashland)

Havnt expiersnced it yet but maybe we could get a few people involved and one g hole setup and end up all having a good time plan across the days or tomorrow some that can host am 20 m

Pen Pal Needed!!!!!

Male inmate at Central Virginia Regional Jail (CVRJ) needs female pen pal, all responses welcome!!!
Please write to
D. Anderson
inmate # 040305

Foot friends

Guy,slim, 27, looking for other guys that like feet for hanging out. Let me know!

Girl at the canal walk

Looking for the girl at the canal walk yesterday afternoon in richmond. I am a Male. I helped you find your keys. Was willing to be the best sugar daddy you could ask for but didn’t get to ask your number.

Coast guard shirt brunette (Mech)

Grey coast guard shirt. Boobs unbelievably big. Just wild big. I’d love to see them

Netflix and chill partner (Chesapeake)

Looking for a female partner to hang out with me today. I’m a short, chubby, middle aged white guy. Come over, relax, watch some tv and see how it goes.

No judgement zone here. 

Red Tow truck driver (Southside)

Wow when did all these tow truck drivers get so hot. You were driving a big red tow truck that you owned. Sure would love to see you again. All you have to do is tell me what the name starts with on the truck and you definitely can get it again. 

Car broke down and your last name starts with G (Near the Dairy Queen)

You had car trouble and I stopped to help. I think you mr last name starts with a G, if I heard you correctly. Anyway, hit me up if you see this. I know it’s a long shot. This was Saturday in the afternoon around 2 or so.

Glad you liked the cookies (Richmond va)

M., I’m sorry if i came off as rude. I was a little distracted. I’m glad you liked the cookies. I just realized you were getting off work. Maybe next time you can come over and watch a movie.

Watching ducks

Bearded guy in light blue grand marquis, made eye contact a few times while I was walking by with my dog and you were sitting in your car looking towards the fountain. You looked comfortable and I wouldn’t have minded getti comfy with you. By the off chance you see this, tell me something about me and maybe we can connect

You got tires today… (Dinwiddie)

You probably wont see this, but, if you do… let me know it’s you! I was the one with the “good taste in music”… what was the band?? Just tryin to say hi… 

It’s an interesting week in the world of Missed Connections, because right now, all any of us can think about is how much we want to miss a connection with COVID-19. That’s a thought some Missed Connections posters had this week, but as others prove, we can’t all sit alone in our houses forever without longing for companionship. And that’s an understandable feeling, but if you’re gonna be quarantined with someone, you better be sure you won’t be sick of them in a week.

Did you remember it’s St. Patrick’s Day today? We almost forgot. But who can blame us? Without thousands of idiots running the streets in kelly green facepaint, it’s really just not the same. Though maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.

People are still checking each other out, though, rest assured. In that convenience store line while stocking up on supplies. In Walmart, waiting in an endless checkout line to buy multiple 12 packs. Across gas pumps at a proper social distance of at least six feet. At bars after massively busy shifts… by the way, why are all of you still going out to bars?

Essential personnel only, Virginia.

Lets just stay in

As much as we all would love to find the sexual partner of our dreams….
RIGHT NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!

We are in the middle of a health crisis and pandemic and all of you nasty horny gross men can think of is getting it in?
Netflix and chill is going to be quarantine and chill.
Half of you posting have STDs up here anyway.

Is your Mattress Certified? (Roanoke)

Are you a woman between the ages of 40-70? Have you had your mattress tested and inspected recently? If not, a local Roanoke Mattress Inspector will work with you to make sure it’s properly certified for many of your favorite activities FREE OF CHARGE!

With your assistance, we’ll go though many of the basics maneuvers and assure that your mattress is ready for use for years to come. And we won’t stop until we’re both totally satisfied with the results.

BUT WAIT!!! If you’re one of the first 100 women to answer this ad, you may be entitled to free follow up inspections as often as needed! Just mention code 6969 when ordering! But order quickly as supplies are limited!

Patterson Market (Richmond)

You have great curly hair. We were both out supporting local businesses during the end times and we smiled at each other.

Quarantine buddy! F4m

College kid stranded in rva bored. I’m 19 f and in shape. Please be under 50 hwp and have good hygiene. Not trying to be chillin with a stinky dude. 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Blaine A. Fields (Glen Allen, VA)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to the one and only…Blaine Fields…wherever you may be!

Stay safe because the corona-virus is a global pandemic now!

~moiet51

Caught me looking at Walmart (Virginia beach)

You asked if I I was looking at your ass.I was!!

Fuck off (Fredericksburg)

Was the last thing you said to me a week ago.

Need Answers

Why don’t guys want relationships anymore. I’m not a hot chick by no means. But I’m a ride or die one. I’ll be faithful honest and there for you 100%. Why are these not qualities a man wants anymore. Just because a girl is beautiful on the outside doesn’t mean she is on the inside.

Advice? (Richmond)

There is a guy I work with that I’m interested and I think he is too. But honestly I think everyone is scared since the “me too movement”! We are both in management but dont work in the same department, so no conflict there.

Just curious if anyone has any subtle ideas to see if he is interested without jeopardizing my job 😉

I am a woman in case that matters with the advice lol 

Waxing my guy friend (Westend)

I waxed you at your place 

Bought you a beer

Male here. You’re a beautiful female bartender, and I bought you a beer as you ended your shift. I had to go for something…. tell me what it was for. Would love to have that beer with you next time, and then some. 😉

Girl blowing bubbles on Mercury Boulevard (Norfolk)

You were riding in your friends white SUV stopped at the light just before 64. You were blowing bubbles out the window. I was in the black Jetta laughing with you as you did (I watched one float all the way back to the Semi and pop on its windshield) We waved goodbye as you went East and I West. I’d like to meet you and your bubbly personality again.

Walmart Chesapeake Sq. Walking boot! (Chesapeake)

I was working filling the beer display, you and me looked eyes over top of the display, I could tell you likes what you saw. You came.back with two 12 packs of Corona and we locked eyes again. I wanted to give you my number, but I wasn’t sure if the girl in the walking boat was a friend or a lover. But I figured if it is meant to be I had to try something, so here we go! 

Gas station (Keysville)

Saturday evening after 6 I was sitting in my car at the pumps and you pulled up (in a light green car) with an older lady I’m guessing your mom. As soon as you opened the door to get out our eyes locked and we both just started smiling at each other. I couldn’t stop looking at you. You’re handsome!

Well I’m kicking myself in the ass now for not speaking to you.

To weed out spam put what type of vehicle I was driving in the subject line.

Looking for a special chick (Roanoke)

Hello

I am looking for a woman that not only has an interest in the esoteric but one who has had experiences from meditation such as clairvoyance and or clairaudience and is comfortable and knowledgeable in her path, whether it is esoteric astrology,shamanism,the ancient Egyptian religion or otherwise for friendship.If this does not apply to you but you know someone it does apply to which is rare,please show them this post TY.

Thank You Brian 

Krogers on Woodbrook, Thursday around 3:00 (charlottesville)

This is a long shot, but I’ll give it a try. Thursday afternoon, and the place was packed. You were wearing a black dress with a sheer wrap over it, stunningly attractive. We commented about how the corona virus was causing people to hoard products, and how Albemarle schools were going to be closed on Monday. We both used the self checkout line, and continued to chat. We swapped names, but as I left I kicked myself for not having asked for more information, and whether you’d have time for a coffee, a drink or a lunch one day. If you see this, and if you do have the time and desire, please be in touch. I enjoyed our few minutes together, and would like to spend more.

Cabin fever fun (Cave spring)

White male here with cabin fever it seems. Just seeing if anyone out there is missing some discreet adult fun while everything around seems to be shutting down

Dreads at target (Shortpump)

I have dreads and so do you. You were walking in target as I was walking out. You are gorgeous and your dreads look great. I came back in the store after I drop my bags in the car but I couldn’t find you. I would love to talk to you. If you see this and your intrested send me a picture so that I know that it’s you And if you can, tell me what I was wearing

Costco run – west broad (Richmond)

We exchanged glances today.. it was a busy day at Costco. both of us had glasses on. Tell me what you were wearing and the color of your top and your gorgeous highlighted hair style…so i know its you. I was wearing the same color mens quarter neck as ur top color.
you glanced at me a couple of times while I was deciding which wine to buy..wish i walked to you and said hello..
Hopefully we will meet again. Loved your style, especially those glass frames.

If the universe wants us to meet, we will bump into each other gain.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (kik me… mariabowa)

I survived because inside me burned brighter than the fire around me. Im a very stong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate towards you, regardless how far they wander. Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. And I know you can perfectly see, so let’s talk. kik me… mariabowa 

This week’s Missed Connections asks a burning question — do you like to shave? Not yourself, but… other people? If so, there’s someone out there looking for you. Don’t worry, you’re not gonna get paid, so it’ll have to be for the love. And you better bring your own clippers. Sounds great, right?

That’s not all we’ve got for ya this week, though — we’ve also got a missed connection from Chuck Norris himself, who, for an 80 year old man, is both more active and more timid than I’d ever expect. Meanwhile, at least one person out there remembers the classic Spencer Tracy/Katharine Hepburn movies of the World War II era. I never thought Missed Connections were the province of old people, but considering all the cheesy crap that gets posted every week and never makes it to this column, I guess I can’t be surprised.

Of course, the usual assortment of underwear-purchasing freaks, maniacal interstate speeders, and grocery store stalkers are representing this week, as well as a whole bunch of people pouring their hearts out about their truly… unique romantic interests and situations. One thing I will say about that: people will surprise you. Which is, of course, why you come to this column every week in the first place.

Let your freak flag fly, Virginia.

Manscaper needed (Roanoke)

Average guy here in need of manscaping. I’m not overly hairy, but I’m unable to reach all the nooks and crannies easily. Can you help? Ideally, here’s what I’m hoping to find.

– a man with clippers who has done this before

– a warm location so my bits and pieces don’t freeze or hide

– someone willing to help another guy out (no monetary compensation) and is kind enough to host.

And to think (Stafford)

I almost ruined a new relationship by entertaining bullshit texts from a fuckboy. Lesson learned. 

Brunnette Girl at Goodwill in Shortpump

I saw you from afar. In instances like this, I usually just be bold and approach. Sometimes you half to let things go as they may, and relax. That is as I did. It was today, around 1:15 p.m., EST. You were oh so strong in your energy. I could feel it across the room. Well, if you see this please respond. Never again will I let such opportunity pass me by.

“Chuck Norris”

Who (Richmond)

Who else is tired of dating sites?

Improbable friendship (Northside)

We have an improbable friendship. I love when you text. There is something else there I want to explore. Let me know if you think so, too. Please reply with our former shared work location if you think this is you.

My Crush LA

Only YOU could wear a simple, white sweater, a longish green skirt, and basic pumps and look like a Girl Friday from a Spencer Tracy movie. Dang, you were burn in the wrong decade!

girl in chspk

Missed a connection with a girl in chspk who sold me her underwear hmu lets do it again..

Fun race (Mechanicsville)

To the girl in the white nissan. I was racing you in a work truck around mechanicsville area down to 64 and your so beautiful if you see this message me! 

I Wish I Could Give Money To Salem, Virginia Kroger Teresa/Blondie (Roanoke, Virginia)

I wish I could give money to the Salem, Virginia Spartan Square Kroger Teresa/Blondie. Last time I heard she was still an overnight stocker at that Kroger. If I gave her money it would definitely be for forgiveness. I wish for her to be my friend again.

To the solo dude on a bike down boulevard

You were riding in a 3 pack of bikes with what I assume to be, two couples. Around 6 PM. Going down arthur ashe boulevard. You were jammin out and rocking out on your bike. Swervin and feelin’ it.You had a brown backpack on. I assume riding alone means you are not taken. Dude, female, idc. I’m intrigued. I wanna get to know your vibe.

Let me know which street you took off boulevard so I know it’s you.

Longwood University

I am a boring male. I would like to meet a boring and nerdy female. We would be like two peas in a pod

Still bored….new nerdy geeky cool friend? (The Near Westend or Fan Area)

So I put a classified out back in Jan. and it got a lot of messages, but by in large went no where. So people just replied that they liked what I wrote, but when I asked for more info, I got nothing back. So I am going to try again.

Here it goes. My best bud is a younger dude who is geeky, nerdy, skinny younger guy. He’s 24. The problem is that he lives in NC. We talk all the time, but I still miss having a “partner in crime” so to speak. We both have cool humor and talk about the world at large. He’s gone all MGTOW and I am more pro-fellowship/fraternal male and not anti-women. Not sure if everyone gets that. So I am looking for someone that has his humor and even look. Tall lanky skinny nerdy, geeky smart and not a typical millennial looking at a smartphone sort. Maybe you’re also a lover of coffee. I think the Starbuck’s on Robinson St. in the Fan is the best. Maybe you’re just different the typical variant of Richmond, VA. Maybe you’re friends don’t get you or you feel you were born at the wrong time in history. My bud (Will) feels this way. I am just looking for that unique guy that I can just chill with and have a laugh and see where it goes.

So here it goes. If you do reply, tell me about yourself and why this post interested you and we’ll go from there.

Cheers!

Kitten with Claws (Mechanicsville)

I heard you are still a wild cat who knows how to use her claws. I would love to find a way of taming you. Me, SWM, 40, d/d free. Will send pic.

U had an egg plant (Chesapeake)

You had an egg plant when at the auto store. You commented on the car. 

The Village Shopping Center (Starbuck’s) (Tuckahoe/UofR)

To the dude sitting outside of Starbuck’s today. You are super cute nerdy type, young with cool glasses. You were sitting with a much older guy, probably in his late 60’s or ever 70. You have red hair (Princeton haircut style) short parted on the side. I just thought you were so cute and liked your vibe although I was sitting inside Starbuck’s. I really didn’t get why you were talking to the much older man, because he didn’t seem like he was related to you or even if it were sexual. Basically just liked your look and not necessarily sexually. Just like cool nerds I guess. I am a guy and you remind me of one of my guy friend who now lives in NC. I doubt you will see this, but if you do let’s talk. You were at Starbuck’s around 6 PM Sunday, March 8.

If any other guy reads this and is nerdy, geeky, shy, skinny cool and looking for a friend who is older, but not old that’s cool too. Best if you’re in The Fan or Near West End area.

Cheers.

Alone Again (Richmond)

I guess I’m typing this out on Craigslist because I need to pour my heart out

After four years of dating and another year of on again and off again casual love you’ve found someone or at least someone to break the cycle we were in for the past year.

I don’t know how to feel. I jump from extremely sad to somewhat relieved. I told you there were going to be some big changes in my life this year (school, new living situation, new job) and I guess that sealed the fate on whatever we had. I’m scared but like you’ve been telling me I need to change, I’m only getting older and I need a career.

We did have a lot of fun. Trips to New York, fancy resturants, seeing and participating in events every week. I really loved taking care of you and making sure you were ok. Having you over and cooking for you/rubbing your feet after a long day made me happy. You repeatedly told me other boyfriends wouldn’t do this. I think what I liked the most about you was how intelligent and witty you are, very sharp. I enjoy our conversations and debates.

However I know were it went wrong. I was dragging my feet in life and this only frustrated you. I was in a deep depression and I refused to get help. This only made you verbally abusive to me (well, you were like that before) and you just seemed you wanted me to lash out and be horrible, like in your last relationships. I didn’t want to do that. You saw me as weak, I made myself too available emotionally. I think you’re also self conscious about your looks and what people would say to you hence why you were so frigid 50% of the time.

All in all it’s over. Our last encounter was horrible, when you told me you were talking to someone else I couldn’t hold back my rage. Sorry for scaring you.

I don’t know how to round this off but if anyone is going through the same thing you aren’t alone and you’ll get better over time.

Valentine’s Day is less than a month in the rearview, and already the Missed Connections are full of regret. In particular, there’s apparently a turtle out there looking to form a mutual Cupid’s-arrow-removal pact. This is one time I think y’all might be extending the metaphor a bit too far. But at least it’s entertaining, right?

Sometimes you have to take those moments of entertainment when you can get them, even when they are kind of a bummer. A truth rarely acknowledged: Missed Connections were better before SESTA/FOSTA passed and all the posts that used to be in Casual Encounters got thrown in here willy-nilly. Listen, guys: EVERY thinly-veiled metaphor for no-strings-attached sex is played out and tired at this point. Stop talking to me about your clogged pipes, please.

That said, there are still some gems in there if you’re willing to look… and that’s what you come to us for, right? So this week, enjoy talk of tongue-tied crushes at Fort Lee, silver foxes at estate sales, helpful Food Lion shoppers… and a couple foot fetishists just to see if you’re still paying attention.

Plus, a special shout-out to the long-winded weirdo who could win a lifetime achievement award for overthinking it. You’re the reason for the season, sunshine.

Put on a happy face, Virginia.

Cupid’s misfire

I’ll pull your arrow out, if you’ll pull mine. Then we can learn how to heal the wounds we’ve fought for so long.
Guidelines. Trust. Set the target. Give me a clear shot and I won’t blink. 

-Masked Turtle

Why (Chesterfield)

I’ve been called ugly, fat and the list goes on. I’ve been told to settle for less and to not be so picky. I am not perfect but neither are you. If you are shallow why should I lower my standards. If we are talking and I tell you in a polite way….you are not my type, why do you then become disrespectful calling me names. Does this make you feel better, more like a man?? I post questions for conversation and they get flagged. I post wanting a hook up FWB and it stays up for weeks while my inbox gets slammed with naked pictures of men. Why??? 

Estate sale guy (Henrico)

Young silver fox, I couldn’t look at you for too long because something inside me was screaming, and it was scaring the hell out of me. It was such a high. Thank you.

Planet Fitness hottie (West End)

I see you working hard in the gym multiple nights a week. You’re bearded, tattooed and in impeccable shape. I’m the woman who wears the long-sleeved tops and jewel-tone leggings.

It thrills me when we make eye contact. I want to know you! 

Missing my car girl (Cave spring)

Car guy looking for a car girl. Someone that can enjoy the car show season with and enjoy the passion for cars with. I know it’s rare but I know it’s out there

You Called Me “The Zipper Man” (Roanoke)

Because of how quickly I get in there and go to work. HMU

Re: Why? (Dinwiddie)

Because it’s easier to tear down than is to build up.

restrained (carver)

you were never very good at tying knots but you were sure dedicated to holding me back 

Fort lee

I was on base today for work (young de male) you were so sexy in your uniform. We passed eachother and gahhhhh but yeah. Hope this finds you. (Please don’t respond if you’re old and just trying to be a creep) 

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (kik me… alvertac)

I survived because inside me burned brighter than the fire around me. Im a very stong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate towards you, regardless how far they wander. Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. And I know you can perfectly see, so let’s talk. kik me… alvertac

I miss those toes.. (Chesterfield)

We would meet up after you got off work or cane from the gym then you would get in the car with me and I would suck your toes and massage your feet.. I miss our talks an your toes lol I even miss the smell after you left the gym.. I’m still willing to pay for pedicures again I just miss our time together… hope you see this or if any other females with pretty toes wanna meet up let me know no sex just wanna suck on some toes serious injuries only.. 

Looking to find female friend with nice feet (Hampton Roads)

I am searching for a mature woman who I can be friends with and also massage and admire her feet. I know, it’s a little out of left field and some are thinking “One of those guys who likes feet.”. I am being honest as I work a lot and would love to find someone who is doesn’t mind being friends with a guy who likes feet. Feet don’t have to be all done up and perfect, race doesn’t matter, and size doesn’t matter. So if interested, and yes their are perks to this friendship, please email me. I am not looking for anything more than that, I wish there was a proper channel to post an ad like this, but I do believe that their is someone who understands what I’m looking for.If interested please email me, if you have constructive criticism please email me, if you have questions than please email me.

Food Lion (Chesapeake)

Hi, I wanted to thank the man who helped me with my groceries yesterday at Food Lion. I was loading groceries in the trunk of my car and had groceries falling out of the bags into the street. You were sitting in your car next to me and got out and helped me. We talked a few minutes then you left. I wanted to say something but I was to shy. I am a white woman, late 50’s, you looked about the same age. If you would like to talk send me a message. 

Montpelier Food Lion

You were attractive middle aged woman, I a younger man. We kept bumping into each other in the store. We chatted on our way out of the store. I told you to have a good day, wish I would have said more. Doubt you’ll see this, but by some chance you do, please respond! 

Whole Foods – woman with gigantic water (Richmond)

Nearly 10pm. You smiled at me in the produce section. You were looking at cheeses. I know…why do they have cheese in the produce section? I got this bag of oranges…who has time to hunt through the oranges for good ones at the store when you can do it at home? You made your way to the freezers in the produce section — again…why do they have freezers in the produce section? — as I got off a call with my mom so I could check my alexa-generated shopping list. You were near enough to hear, and I’m thinking, if I say ‘I love you’ she might think I’m taken, but also, you’ve gotta tell your mom you love her. That’s a thing. So I told her I’d be in touch and that I love her. See, if I had someone at home at 10pm, why the hell would I say I’d be in touch? I wouldn’t. Maybe I’m having an affair. Well, I’m not, I definitely went home alone. And so did you — because you bought a small thing of toilet paper, and some organic toilet cleaner, and some other cleaning spray…and I’m like wtf, who goes out at 10pm, to Whole Foods no less, and buys all their cleaning products? Is someone sick…or dying of coronavirus? If they were, wouldn’t she need more toilet paper than that? Did she see that article in the New York Times about how in Hong Kong they buy TONS of toilet paper and use it to build makeshift coffee tables? But seriously…there’s still a week before the end of the month, and it’s February, so you’re not moving…I mean, did you just run out of all your household essentials at once? And then, we just keep crossing paths, you, me, and ten guys that all look like if NSYNC mated with lumberjacks. But then you got stuck in one aisle. I thought maybe she’s getting sports drinks or something. But you never left that aisle, as I zipped around the store trying to find that Japanese ginger dressing that you have to keep refrigerated…you know, it’s the stuff that looks like cat puke they use at all the sushi joints, but it tastes so damn good and I’m trying so hard to get my leafy greens, what am I gonna do? Spoiler: they don’t have it there, of course. That’s okay, I found some other dressing for $7 that…whatever. It’s probably fine. But there you are in the water aisle like it’s going out of style…and here’s the climax: you know what’s in there also? The cookies. Well, shit, I deserve 2-3 cookies after dinner, don’t I? After my orange. But you walked right past them, right past me. Punch in the gut. Realization that I’m the worst person in the world because I eat cookies now. Only since Christmas. I stopped eating dessert in, like, college — but then Christmas happened this year and someone introduced me to these flat cookies they make with rice. I know, right? We end up in line together. So many magazines about gut flora. I like your glasses and how you wear your hair. They ask for your ID because you bought a bottle of wine. And I wonder if you’re going home with your one bottle of wine and I’m-single toilet paper to spend the evening drinking and I guess washing your apartment with vinegar spray. And you pull out of your cart the largest bottle of water I’ve ever seen — like, enough to keep a corporate office hydrated for a couple weeks. Why do you have so much water–and actually, how do you even open the gigantic bottle? They pull me to another line. I’m dying inside because you’re such a thoughtful person, saving the planet one spritz at a time, and I don’t even own a reusable bag. And then I see you’re taking home paper bags too. They’re great, right? We grew up with them, but they’re still kind of okay, because you can fill them with old socks and donate them to charity. You rolled out your cart. We left together. I couldn’t find my car, because that’s my lot in life, always misplacing the things I need most. I wanted to tell you that you make me want to be a better person…to waste less plastic, to clean with organic products, to spend more on unique cheeses and less on feel-good foods, to take only what I need. I needed your smile — I wanted to return it, but I guess I didn’t quite remember how.