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Candyland RVA: Confessions of a former VCU sugar baby

Caley Sturgill | July 5, 2017

Topics: college students, escort, SeekingArrangment.com, Student debt, sugar babies, sugar daddies, vcu

Earlier this year, VCU students surprised many members of the Richmond community when the university was ranked seventh in the country for its number of students seeking sugar daddies. 

Rising tuition costs are often cited by students registered on SeekingArrangement.com, to offset debt. The dating website, which connects “sugar babies” with “sugar daddies,” was founded by MIT graduate Brandon Wade in California in 2006. 

VCU moved higher up the site’s annual list for the third year in a row in 2017, which documents the number of new sign-ups from various (dot) edu email addresses. 

To understand the dynamics behind these relationships, RVA Mag reached out to a former sugar baby in Richmond. “Ava” (whose name has been changed for privacy) had a four-month relationship with a man which began in the summer of 2015, while she was a sophomore at VCU. 

“He was a doctor in his 60s, and I was a waitress at 23,” she said. “I was barely making it in Richmond . . . I was working at a failing new restaurant and having a difficult time paying the bills. I was also in school and couldn’t afford my books, my classes. I was contemplating dropping out.”

In less than a day she received a response from “John,” among several others from younger men. She responded to John because she felt the others may expect more from her sexually — older men typically had more money, she said, and looked for emotional investments.

On the site, women can list their preferred income and discuss the sexual terms of their arrangements with potential suitors. For Ava, it started with a date.

“We sat next to each other at Secco {Wine Bar},” she said. “I was really anxious, but friends knew where I was and waited at a bar down the street in Carytown. When I met him, I realized he was more nervous than I was.”

Ava’s arrangement with John started under an “emotional-only” assumption. The relationship didn’t progress to physical involvement for several weeks.

“At first I wanted to use him,” she said. “For everything he was worth. I hated men. I found it creepy until I got to know him…then my perspective changed, I didn’t expect it to be an emotional investment. I thought I only needed my physical appearance.”

John paid Ava $100 for their first date.

Women typically receive anywhere from $50 to $300 for dinner dates according to Ava, often alongside presents or tips. Sugar babies can demand more based on escort experience and what they are or aren’t willing to do — in short: more fetishes, more money.

“These women are in control over their bodies,” Ava said. “She picks when and where to meet. I didn’t have a pimp or anything, I was on my own with this.”

Sugar daddy relationships are, by nature, set aside from other means of sex work by putting control in the woman’s hands. Some sugar babies are drawn to them as an alternative to prostitution. 

According to a 2014 New York Post article, Wade said that the site was created to “empower women”.

“A sugar baby is an empowered woman who is tired of dating losers that contribute nothing to her life,” Wade said in the statement. She has made a commitment to only date men who will help her to achieve her goals.”

And Ava shared that sentiment in her experience using the site.

“I felt empowered on these dates with John because I had the upper hand,” Ava said. “I think there is this stigma behind women getting paid for sexual or non-sexual favors. If we don’t have our reproductive rights, we don’t have freedom of sexual expression either.”

Ava believes legalizing prostitution would make sex work safer for women in all walks of the industry. Laws in Nevada, the only U.S. state so far to legalize it, set regulations that protect women from STDs and violence. Other arguments claim that decriminalization would reduce rapes among sex workers by making it safer for women to come forward or seek help.

The shift in beliefs toward legalization is a growing trend. Various studies cite increases in violent crimes against sex workers with higher discrimination. According to The New York Times, laws against prostitution unfairly victimize women.

“Prostitution laws in the United States were developed from confused and contradictory impulses, to punish and help sex workers at the same time, reflecting our society’s ambivalence and hypocrisy about sex, male desire, and women’s sexual anatomy,” said Carol Leigh, director of the Bay Area Sex Workers Advocacy Network. 

Sugar daddy relationships provide women the security of having control. The intimacy of long-term relationships (versus the transactional nature of prostituting) builds a level of trust and allows the woman to dictate her terms.

“I get to decide what I will and won’t do,” Ava said. “For me, being sex-positive also gives me a better view of my body. I feel strong when I’m able to tell men ‘no’ and ‘fuck off’ without feeling any threat from them.”

As her relationship progressed with John, Ava became more comfortable moving into a sexual arrangement.

“He took it slow,” she said. “I liked that about him the most. He never pushed me, and if I didn’t want to do anything he respected my wishes. Later he wanted to give me a full massage, and I was hesitant at first until he said he’d pay me $1,500 to let him do it.”

When she was still on the website, Ava saw many women charging $1,000 to $3,000 for sex each time.

“When it happened I felt a bit weird,” she said. “After thirty minutes he left and I saw the money on my living room table, counted it and felt glad that I did it. It was worth it.”

For Ava, the connection with John ran deeper than their arrangements. Together they developed a close friendship aside from their relationship.

“All John wanted was someone to pamper and provide for,” she said. “He would buy me books and leave money between the pages. I remember he bought me herbs for my garden once, he was very thoughtful. I had never been taken care of in that way before and it was exhilarating.”

“I enjoyed his conversations, and his empathy,” she said. “With John, I had no reservations. Not with him. It was a mutual relationship that was also built on trust, there was nothing unusual about it. I’m sure we looked strange as a couple, but we never felt like strangers.”

Ava, like many others, believes students are entering these relationships more often because of hikes in tuition and the burden that modern college costs put on her generation. This year, VCU is considering another tuition increase of 3 to 5 percent to make up for cuts from state funding.

Nationally, students have seen tuition fees increase while average wages lagged. Contrary to popular belief, poor work ethic is hardly a factor in the millennial struggle to afford higher education.

“A lot of students are in debt and don’t have anyone else to support them,” Ava said. “For a lot of them, this is really the only way that they can survive. There were times I did it just to buy groceries. This is the safest form of sex work.”

What equaled a summer’s work in the ’80s is a distant dream for most of today’s students. College tuition increased nearly 260 percent from 1980 to 2014, compared to only a 120 percent increase on all other commodities. On top of tuition hikes, minimum wage has failed to keep up with inflation while government funding to universities has been cut by 40 percent.

“Students will do anything for money at times like this,” Ava said. “I feel like there’s such a difference in classes that when you’re lower class you feel like there’s no way out of it. I really wanted to finish my degree but there was no way I could do it without a second income. Most men were more likely to help you out if you were in college, they wanted to be part of your success story.”

As far as safety precautions go, SeekingArrangement.com pretty much leaves it up to the user to make their best judgement. According to the site, it doesn’t perform background checks on every member, however it uses Optimum Screening, which screens for “sex crimes, registered sex offenders, warrants, felonies and domestic violence.”

It advises members to “do their own research”, warns of “sex and financial opportunists”, and gives some general safety tips here.

Ava said she felt safe and for other sugar babies she knew, very few had bad experiences.

“There were friends I had that were doing the same thing, and we looked out for each other,” she said. “That felt empowering. They didn’t all have good experiences, but the only truly “bad” experience they had was not getting paid on the first date.”

On the national list, Ava says she believes VCU ranks higher than other universities because of its culture.

“VCU is a lot more open about diversity and gender equality,” she said. “Students at VCU are a lot more aware of feminism…they know what it actually means. I think we see a lot of injustices around us here that cause us to have to be more aware of our rights. And I think it’s frowned upon at other schools as being risky, or rebellious, because they have a different view entirely.”

While Ava’s relationship ultimately came to an end when she found a monogamous partner, she doesn’t have any regrets over her time with John. The two ended their relationship on good terms.

“Looking back, I was doing all I could do at the time,” she said. “He made me realize that I am a worthy human being by making me realize that money was always the only thing holding me back. Nothing else was ever stopping me.”

To date, SeekingArrangment.com has 10 million active members, 8 million sugar babies, 2 million sugar daddies and mommas, and 139 countries using the site.

 

Sen. Warner submits two bipartisan bills aiming to curb student debt

Charlotte Woods | April 4, 2017

Topics: community, Marco Rubio, Mark Warner, Student debt

Virginia Senator Mark Warner hopes to help alleviate the burden of college debt with
bipartisan legislation that he is introducing to Congress.

The two bills are the Dynamic Repayment Act, co-sponsored by Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), and the Employer Participation in Repayment Act, co-sponsored by Sen. John Thune (R-SD). While the first bill aims to simplify paperwork and keep payments affordable, the second encourages employers to help their employees pay off student loan debt.

The average student loan debt from public universities nation-wide tops $37,000 per graduate. Nationwide, Americans currently owe more than $1.3 trillion in student loans. According to Warner, this surpasses credit cards and auto loans as the country’s top source of non-housing debt.

“As the first person in my family to graduate from college, if I had that much debt coming out college I’m not sure I would be sitting where I am right now,” Sen. Warner said in a group conference call Monday. “I got out of college and law school combined with a total of $15,000 in debt, and most of that was from law school debt, rather than college.”

He and his co-sponsors hope to simplify and improve loan payment methods in ways that can be beneficial to many.

The Dynamic Repayment Act states that “federal student loan programs include numerous protections for borrowers to avoid default, but most students don’t utilize them because the system is so complicated.”

The bill suggests that due to the paperwork required to prove income changes, adjusting payments is burdensome during times of unemployment, another issue facing recent college grads who are either unemployed (5.6 percent) or under employed (12.6 percent).

To remedy this, the act would keep payments affordable by allowing a borrower to pay a reasonable percentage of their income until the load is paid or the time limit is reached. A borrower who is earning more income would pay more during times of fiscal prosperity, but the bill would protect all borrowers during periods of unemployment or lower earnings. Interest would not compound during payment which allows borrowers to actually make progress on their payments.

There would also be tiers of loan forgiveness that could be helpful for borrowers who unexpectedly realize their loan balances may be permanently unaffordable. The tiered forgiveness would also, according to the bill, minimize incentives for people to “engage in unnecessarily risky borrowing.”

“As someone who once owed more than $100,000 in student loans, this issue is personal to me, and I will continue working to simplify this complex and bureaucratic student loan system,” Sen. Rubio said in a press release.

Meanwhile, the Employer Participation in Repayment Act aims to expand upon an existing federal program that could benefit both employers and student-debt-riddled employees.

Presently, the Employer-Provided Educational Assistance Program allows employers to contribute pre-tax earnings in order to help employees pay for continued education. However, it does not allow this for people who have already incurred student loan debt throughout the course of their undergraduate or graduate studies. That’s where the Warner-Thune bill comes in.

Through amending the Internal Revenue Code of 1986, the Warner-Thune bill would allow employers to contribute up to $5,250 pre-tax to their employees’ student loans, which would not only give those with student loan debt some relief, but may serve as a new tool to recruit and keep quality employees.

“We should be looking for creative opportunities, like the one Sen. Warner and I have proposed, that would help Americans capitalize on their investments in higher education, enter the workforce, and pursue a career,” Sen. Thune said in a press release. “Our bill would give graduates the flexibility they need to work with employers to secure lower interest rates and pay part of their student loans back tax free. This is an obvious win for graduates, but it also helps businesses attract and retain talented employees.”

Warner referred to the bill as a “no brainer.”

“It definitely, I think, would help students in those first few years coming out of college to give more freedom and flexibility,” Sen. Warner said.

Warner explained that he hopes the bill will encourage more companies to help students pay their debt. He feels this could also be beneficial for smaller companies because the tax advantage may increase participation.

“I think these are both important bills, but they’re not going to totally solve the problem,” Sen. Warner said. “The bigger problem exists of ‘how do we make sure that college inflation and higher education inflation doesn’t continue to go up at such a rapid rate?’ Everyone talks about health care inflation and the unfortunate thing is in the last 10 years, higher education inflation is even higher than health care inflation.”

Both pieces of legislation were introduced to Congress last year and failed. However, this year Warner feels more confident they may actually go forward successfully.

Sens. Kaine and Warner hold roundtable discussion on Higher Ed

Amy David | February 1, 2016

Topics: higher education, Student debt, student loans, tuition, VA universities

WASHINGTON – Constance Garner works two jobs while attending college, but her long hours aren’t to line her pockets with extra beer money.

[Read more…] about Sens. Kaine and Warner hold roundtable discussion on Higher Ed

College students protest at Capitol Square demanding help with loans

Amy David | January 20, 2016

Topics: General Assembly 2016, Student debt, student loans, VA colleges, Virginia college students, Virginia Student Power Network

RICHMOND – Students from colleges and universities across Virginia protested at Capital Square this week, seeking help with college loans.
[Read more…] about College students protest at Capitol Square demanding help with loans

Virginia lawmakers seek to ease ‘Student Debt Crisis’

Brad Kutner | December 8, 2015

Topics: Del. Marcus Simon, GA 2016, Sen. Janet Howell, Student debt

Two Democratic members of the Virginia General Assembly said they plan to sponsor legislation to address what they described as a “student debt crisis.”

[Read more…] about Virginia lawmakers seek to ease ‘Student Debt Crisis’

Buried in student debt? You’re not alone, and some Virginia legislators are trying to help

Brad Kutner | January 22, 2015

Topics: Giancarla Rojas, paying for college in Virginia, Student debt, undocumented immigrants

“In high school I told my counselor I was undocumented and I remember he told me ‘students like you don’t go to college,’” said Giancarla Rojas in a meeting to help fight the student debt crisis many face here in Virginia.

[Read more…] about Buried in student debt? You’re not alone, and some Virginia legislators are trying to help

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