Welcome to this week’s Missed Connections, where love is in the air and the creeps come out of their caves. Whether you’re farting on your coworkers or drawn to them like magnets, rest assured you’ll find a match (or please light one, if you’re the former).
From falling for patients who fell on hospital floors, to strangers at bars in Carytown, “hardware watchers” at hardware stores, and our fair share of feet-lovers, Virginians are looking for love wherever they can find it — and they’re not holding back, though sometimes we wish they would.
If the amount of Lowe’s-related Missed Connections is any indication, there are a lot of us taking advantage of the warm spring weather to start on home improvement projects. [By the way, there’s a Lowe’s in Ruckersville now? I really have been gone a long time. –WMHS-alumna ed.] Enjoy working on your deck, but don’t let the old country tapes you play on that ancient boombox you dragged out of the attic get you down.
And please — don’t look up the bottoms of girls bending over in their cars. We promise, they’re not into that.
Dive in, Virginia!
We work together and I snarted (sneezed+farted). I honestly couldn’t help myself. All this pollen! I tried ever so hard to keep my raging flatus inside but the force of my sneeze had a lot of power. Anywho, the absolute horror that came over me when I smelt what had to have been the utmost worst most nauseating smell! I can’t even believe that came out of me! It was like something you’d expect from a Clydesdale.
But you just looked at me and smiled. Your smile is amazing. And if you can get past my fart smell and overlook that pure moment of hell on earth, and still smile at me, I want you so bad! I love how you played it off as if it was the floor making the noise as well. We both know that came from my anal sphincter cannon. Any woman who can sniff my riff and come out alive & smiling-and even joke about to boot! Winner winner chicken dinner!
Please I hope you’re reading this right now! Tell me where we work, and what I was wearing. 😘
Gorgeous Male On Hospital Floor
You were walking around and wearing a hospital gown. You, longish dark hair, medium build, tall, wish I had gotten your attention but you never looked my way. You are one handsome devil. Can I be your Doctor?. I could make you feel so much better. Please give me a chance. You won’t be sorry.
When Somebody Loves You (Chester)
When your heart is all alone every second
Seems so long
When it’s just you, you can’t see through
Those ol’ clouds that rain so blue
But when somebody loves you
There’s nothing you can’t do
When somebody loves you
It’s easy to get through
When somebody loves you
The way I love you
When it’s late, the sun hangs low
By yourself, nowhere to go
Sing a song, you dance alone
Play solitaire and stare at the phone
But when somebody loves you
There’s nothing you can’t do
When somebody loves you
It’s easy to get through
When somebody loves you
The way I love you
So let’s put aside our foolish pride
And let our hearts say hello
We both agree we’re just no good
At bein’ on our own
Cause when somebody loves you
There’s nothing you can’t do
When somebody loves you
It’s easy to get through
When somebody loves you
The way I love you
The way I love you
The way I love you
Songwriters: Alan Eugene Jackson
Met at a bar in the fan (The fan)
We talked for a bit, you had just moved here from DC and sat next to me, you were beautiful and articulate and you definitely have my interest. I hope you see this, message me your name (it started with an N) and the bar we met at. I hope I see you again
You were working our table last night and a waitress tried to take our table. You are so hot with a great smile. You asked a couple of times if we wanted anything else, but I couldn’t find you on the menu. Doubt you ever see this, but I’d love to show you a good time.
Im sure youll never see this, but you were my server today. So nice, great smile, funny, and handsome. Ill be back soon:)
The Girl I Work With (Chesterfield)
You’re funny, smart, driven and beautiful. I feel a magnetism between us whenever I’m near you and I’m pretty sure you feel it too. Tell me what we talked about today.
I realize there is no chance you would see this but figured I would put this out into the universe.
I just wanted to put it out there how amazing you were and how much I miss our time together even though it didn’t work out. We just had such great physical chemistry. Maybe I was afraid of you being older or maybe I was just too much of a pussy to put you above my social circle st the time. Regardless I just want you to know how amazing you are and let you know you still cross my mind all the time.
I used to call you hot holly and you have a birthday on a holiday.
If this is you tell me where we met or you major at Vcu.
Maybe you’ll see this out there!
Powdered Catfish Dorsal Fin – LOL (A brewery)
You – Radford Alumna attended in the early 90’s
Your guy friend – crazy as hell talking about powdered dorsal fins in China.
Hit me up I like your style. Respond with your friends last name since I dont know yours 🙂
I came in to inquire about care for my dogs since I just moved to the area. You were extremely helpful and gorgeous with your sleeve and piercing. I can’t wait to make an appointment just to see you again. Unless we can make that happen sooner with a beverage?
Respond with your first name if you remember me.
looking for those with connections to the spiegler family with the two hot college daughters
Afternoon. I highly doubt a lady of your kind would read these but who knows. You have some new neighbors and while delivering something to them you gave me quite the show while searching for something in your car. Amazing legs and the view made my day. I’d love to chat as I’m sure your not getting the attention you deserve. What were you searching for in your car?
I saw you going in as I was leaving today. You have blonde hair and wearing dark sweats.
Very cute guy.
Older man lowes (Colonial heights Area)
I saw you in the lumber section at Lowe’s Prince George. Probably in your 50’s brown hair blue jeans, solid black shirt. Nice bulge wish I knew if you was into guys cause I would of loved to investigate that bulge.
Lowe’s return desk (Ruckersville)
We were both returning something. You made a comment to me. I thought you were cute 🙂 Sadly, I’m married. But still wouldn’t mind knowing you
Norfolk lowes lunch time today (norfolk)
Today at or around 12 pm lunch time u were parked one space over. I was having a quick 20min lunch in my car we both looked over at each other a few times I thank u wanted me to watch u but u were lad back low in car did see something in u r mirror that I liked!!!!!
If u see this? put in the color of my car and model in title line so I know it is you also tell me what st tags u had on ur car thanks
ps u had me very worked up seeing u in ur mirror wow let talk let meet
While at the mall Friday watching live music I could not help but continue to glance at your sexy heels and your beautiful feet. You caught me more than once and had a sly smile several times .
Love to see more of you.
Tell me the color of your polish or better yet and a pic of those heels.
Real and no drama here.
K
You gave me flip flops and didn’t say good bye or give me your information . Said I was your son and I looked like I was going to shit a brick. Safe to say we can all use our names now.
In My Opinion It Was Meant To Be.. (Charlottesville Walmart)
I bumped into your cart accidently.. well I said I did lol from there we chatted briefly in reference to life long companionship.
You were a caramel complexion smaller plus sized woman who had been through relationships with infedelity, had never married but said you were definitely ready.
I would never ask a woman her age but I’m guessing you were between 45 and 50.
We never got to point where we exchanged numbers, me being a true gentleman I never want to come off as being too pushy.
You said you barely visted the store and neither do I so I looked at our meeting as more than coincidental.
Just wondering if you remember me hope you see this..
Peircing Eyes in the pacifica beer line (friday cheers)
You kept look looking through my soul almost all 45 minutes of that beer queue. Brown hair, blue shirt, green eyes. Wish I would have fought through that massive crowd to ask for your number.
I was the sweaty guy with the stupid jacket xD
NAPA om Southlake Blvd today. May 4 about noon (Southlake Blvd/Midlo Tpk)
You were at NAPA with an electrical issue; very attractive,tallish, dark haired girl, jeans and sandals driving, I think, a 4th gen Mustang. another customer sent you to another store to fix your problem. I thought you were outstanding. Being somewhat reserved, I did not make any attempt to offer assistance…big, I think, mistake. If you would be interested in speaking further (I would), please respond with the color of your car and to where you were referred. I realize this a long shot, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Birthday suit, still around? (Chesterfield)
We actually emailed a few times on New Years Eve then all went silent. I am enjoying the day and all of a sudden this popped back in my head.
Doubt you will see this but in case you do and want to talk reply back.
Woman at Gayton Crossing (Parking Lot)
I was making my way through the parking lot, just hanging out…. We made eye contact, and you smiled when you saw me as I drove by. I wasn’t embarrassed. I would have parked and shown more, but there was too much traffic. You were gone when I circled around again. How about another parking lot show?
T Rex on St Paddy’s day (Charlottesville)
You were in that T Rex costume with the girl on the mall. I just want to thank you for the rad picture, you!
Hot Marine at Chipotle – Sunday lunch (Rt. 17 – Warrenton Rd.)
You were the hot Marine (I assume) in line behind me ordering, then you sat behind me to eat. You are BUILT! You had on baseball cap, shorts and sports nutrition t-shirt.
I was cleancut guy in shorts and deck shoes.
Would like to see you pose or more without shirt, to see those massive biceps!
MPDG seeks MPDB so that we can just be Dream People instead(Charlottesville)
Can you answer “yes” to all or most of the following?
Do you read? Do you think about what you read? I specifically told the agency I wanted someone who thinks about what he reads.
Do you write things? Do you suspect that they might be good things?
Are your mixtapes masterpieces, if a little heavy on twee pop and the 80s new wave?
Do you have a favorite member of the Watchmen, and is it Rorschach?
Have you ever felt like J. Alfred Prufrock was a little too relatable?
Can you help me to understand why I seem to be finding Jin from Samurai Champloo so devastatingly hot right now? Because honestly I don’t understand it myself.
Are you willing to pretend for at least 5 minutes that my collection of vintage postcards and erotica is super interesting?
Will you tolerate me gushing about literary theory every once in awhile if I promise not to go on too long?
Because if you can, you are the connection I’m missing.
Scrub pants and blonde hair (Chesterfield town center)
Hey so. U had green scrub type pants and a blonde braid. U came into Barnes and Noble then I saw u also as u came out of another store. U looked so familiar and I don’t know if I’ve seen u somewhere before. I wanted to find out how I may know u but didn’t wanna creep u out. I doubt u will ever read this as I never really read these. I’m sure ur taken. Just wanted to let u know ur gorgeous and I would love to get to know u. If u think this is u tell me what store u went into after Barnes and Noble.
I notice, you are home with your kids, most days. I have to say, you are Absolutely Gorgeous. If you are as intrigued as I am, don’t be shy. I smoke weed, too. I asked if you liked your new mattress.
Red head with little boy (Buffalo Wild Wings Virginia beach)
I saw you at Buffalo Wild Wings sitting with that man who was not paying any attention to you May 4th at 530 pm. I would have listened to you forever and your son
