A plague is loose on the land, and any Missed Connections out there right now are just gonna have to stay missed for a while. But hey, we can still read about them, right? In this trying time, let’s get the little bits of joy where we can.

Like, for example, the guy who still fantasizes about his unrequited high school sweetheart kicking him in the balls — something I’ll bet she’d have enjoyed as much as he would. Or the guy trying to use the toilet paper he’s hoarded as inducement for a casual encounter. And of course, there’s the person who doesn’t want to make frequent Taco Bell visits awkward by confessing a crush on the drive thru guy.

There are plenty of grocery store flirts… and people who don’t seem to understand that quarantine means you can’t invite over random strangers from the internet. But seriously, unless the magician, cowboy, and redneck looking for companionship are all the same guy, you’re probably better off staying away from each other and anyone who’d answer your Missed Connection post — unless you’re trying to catch the coronavirus, and to be blunt, that seems like a really bad idea.

Stay smart, stay safe, and stay at home, Virginia.

Desperate at this point (Yorktown)

Looking for girls to party with a magician, a cowboy, and a redneck tonight. Sick of the virus crap. Looking to have conversation, drinks and fun. Yee-haw.

Help me help you!

Times are really rough right now and I know some ladies might need a helping hand. Whether you just need some 420, some food or some cash. Lend me a hand and I’ll give you a hand. No games. Im open to hanging out during this quarantine as well. Boredom kills lol. I’m as serious as you are!

When I was a kid …

I grew up in Richmond, right near Churchhill, and I used to have a crush on one of the girls in my class. I used to go to bed every night, thinking about her and as I’d fall asleep, I imagined she’d invite me over to her house because she needed help cleaning up. I let her know about the crush I had on her and like any teenage boy, my thoughts immediately went “there” if you know what I mean.

But the one thing that I often thought about was as I’d sit there, enjoying her giving me head (in the fantasy), she’d stand up and look me in the face and then kick me in the balls.

I wanted to live that out so bad. But I can’t now.

COVID 19

What’s everyone doing during this pandemic.

Men in thongs (Roanoke)

Any men who wear thong underwear. Would love to see some pics

Looking (RICHMOND)

For a devil
Want to be haunted
Fill me with a fear

Let’s get sociable!! (Prince george)

im a social butterfly I need to talk/ chat/ interact with people. This whole coronavirus has really fucked with my head. If you are like me. Hit me up I’m down to text.

Looking for special female friend (Willing to go the Highlands) (Chesterfield, VA)

To hang out… Nonessential travel is coming soon, but while we can hang out, go out to eat, or do things, it would be great to meet with someone special. Can host. Prefer fit, intelligent, and easy going. Reply back with photo and a bit about yourself.

Michaels (Fredericksburg)

You where in Michaels you paid for my moms items I just wanted to thank you with all this crazy in the world and the loss of my wife I just wanted to thank you for being so kind I’ve shut out any thought of dating and no this is not about that you renewed my thoughts of people again with your kindness like I told you you are one in a million thank you for that glimmer of hope hope you stay safe and you deserve a perfect life thank you

Let’s talk – house confinement chat (Bayside, Virginia Beach)

This mature male would enjoy chat with a female who may be working at home or perhaps home schooling children. The current situation leaves most of us desiring some way to make our days more interesting. Respond and I will provide means for our dialog.

Elevator (Norfolk)

These are always a longshot, but worth a try. This was probably in January this year. I was in a different time in my life so this is why did not respond to the comment in the elevator. There were 2 women Having a conversation and one of them asked the other “Are you married?” “No, I’m engaged”.

As they walked off the elevator, you turned to me and waved your hand at me and said I’m not, and I just smiled. Please tell me which building we were in when you saw me, I wanna start that moment over again. You were female, I was male.

blond at Kroger with large breast (Mechanicsville)

Wow, you look great shopping this weekend! I love big boobs. I would love to meet up and play. I am hung and discreet. I have tp if you need it..lol

Twisted Pig, Austin, Server, Bar Tender (Port Norfolk Portsmouth)

I’ve been to the restaurant a couple of times but you weren’t there. Maybe it’s the cut backs due to the virus. Anyway, my roommate who comes in with me will be deployed to a clinic or hospital for the virus. He is a medic with the Army Reserves and was called up. This leaves me at the house alone and my reason for this ad, I am looking for a daily companion who can spend a few daytime hours with me. I thought of you first because you are such a friendly and personable young man. If you can do this and are interested, please reply.

Missing a Friend(s) – (SWF)

Finding like minded people shouldn’t be this hard, lol. Being a non-local, I don’t have a group of HS friends where we all hang out and BBQ every weekend (pre-COVID-19). So, what am I looking for – just ADULTS who are sassy, sarcastic, witty, and fun to be around. Optimism is huge too – not into negativity/meanness/selfish/whiny people, sorry! I like to live life and be happy, sue me, lol.

Prefer males over females unless you’re a badass chick like myself (not into cattiness, don’t play the games some females play).

For you dudes, don’t respond asking me to f**k or have sex — that’s NOT what I am seeking. I am over 40, but age isn’t what matters to me, character is what I seek in a person, truly –

I just want a new group of friends to chill with – I like fishing, shooting pool, board games, parks, hiking, concerts, all kinds of things. I rarely drink so if your idea of hanging out is getting hammered; by all means, just keep it moving. ( No, I am not a prude, lol ).

So, if you think you’re pretty cool, message me.

Thank you, peace, and stay safe!

My Zee (Norfolk)

It’s been so long, and I still miss you. I know you can’t, but I wish you could come back to me, my zee. My heart will forever love you, please be happy.

So Bored…. (Roanoke)

Going nuts alone in my air conditioned apartment. Is there a female out there that just wants to hang watch Netflix and eat? Previous hospital worker and tested negative.Im male 6 ft 2 188 lbs

Ocean front playground (Virginia Beach)

She was playing on the monkey bars on the beach. It was cold and windy but you took off your sweatshirt so you could hang upside down,
by the time I got out of my room from the hotel you were gone.

Missed connection hope I see you again

You were the gorgeous blonde in aldi (Williamsburg and laburnum)

You were shopping in Aldi’s around 2 today 5 ft 6 blonde gorgeous woman, you looked scared to be out.
We spoke briefly you said you hadn’t been out in 3 weeks.
I’d love to know more if you’re available and interested tell me what I gave you in the parking lot.

Taco Bell, Hull Street.

You were the guy working the window day before yesterday.
I’m not gonna put my info cause you are way out of my league and this is my go to taco bell 😂
I just wanted to say you were so cute & made me laugh after a bad day!

Platinum blonde in Publix (Mechanicsville Tpk)

The deli clerk asked if we were together. I should have said “not yet!” I’d love to get together.

Looking to find Guy from Country Store (Roanoke)

Trying to find the young married guy from the country store that I helped with fuel and food when you left your wallet at home.
You asked about additional help with rent and utilities, if you are still ready to discuss the work you proposed.
Reach out to me, I am available to help you and your family out and work with you.
Hope to hear from you soon…

It’s surprising to see just how strongly the Missed Connections roll on regardless of the fact that we’re all quarantined in our homes. Personally, I’ve only been around other people once in the past week — I was at the grocery store, frantically trying to grab some toilet paper. How is it still out of stock everywhere? Do some of you have entire spare rooms filled to the ceiling with toilet paper? Were you hoping to buy enough to last the rest of your life?

Anyway, there are apparently still other ways to interact with people besides fighting with them over the last pack of crappy generic TP, and the people in Missed Connections are finding them this week. From checkout lines to hospital waiting rooms to broken down on the side of the road, people in the most desperate of circumstances are still checking each other out. And of course, people spending way more time alone than they’re used to are delving into the back of their minds to obsess over unrequited crushes of the past. Don’t do that, y’all — social distancing is difficult enough without emotionally torturing yourself.

On a lighter note, there’s at least one guy out there who sees a glory hole as a proper way to get around the quarantine guidelines we’re all under. Message to that dude: this is a bad idea. You can’t socially distance with a stranger’s junk in your mouth. But no one ever said you couldn’t make plans…

Save it for later, Virginia.

I wish… (Richmond)

We could have been quarantined together. Maybe the next pandemic.

Quarantined Artist

Bored?, going stir crazy, always wanted to try it, then Let me draw you like one of my French girls….

Okay.

I want you too. I asked for signs. And now no reason to ignore them anymore.
This couldn’t be a weirder time.
But when this thing is over. We’ll go from there.
See you around…

Snow

You were in my dreams last night. It’s been five years, so I’ve no clue why. Maybe because your birthday is mere weeks away. Maybe this IS the apocalypse. If not, have a Happy Birthday, Doc.

-Fox

Looking for Her (Roanoke)

Looking to make a connection now so that we can have fun after all the madness is over. Are you stuck at home looking forward to things getting back to normal? I would love to form a relationship with a likeminded woman, build the tension, share fantasies and then see where it goes. Discretion is very important. I am in my mid thirties, 6 foot and in good shape. Age is not important to me, confidence is!

WALMART— Sunday 3/15 (FRANKLIN)

W/F who spoke of consumer spending & I was talking about the lack of deer park water

Dunkin donuts beautiful blond in suv (Rt 3)

Saw you this morning and have seen you in the past on Saturday’s. Would love the chance to get to know you. I see you’re in a new SUV, let me know the color so I know it’s really you. Hope this finds you in this terrible time we are in. Would love to occupy both our times with some interesting chat. Thanks

Mature tall guy at Chippenham hospital waiting room Friday night. (Richmond)

Hey young wm here I was waiting in the waiting room and saw you wearing some shorts and a tea shirt. You were on the right of me sitting maybe 4 chairs down. I wanted to try and speak to you but I don’t know if you’d be interested. If you are and you noticed me in my red hat let me know.

Missing a hole in the wall (Ashland)

Havnt expiersnced it yet but maybe we could get a few people involved and one g hole setup and end up all having a good time plan across the days or tomorrow some that can host am 20 m

Pen Pal Needed!!!!!

Male inmate at Central Virginia Regional Jail (CVRJ) needs female pen pal, all responses welcome!!!
Please write to
D. Anderson
inmate # 040305

Foot friends

Guy,slim, 27, looking for other guys that like feet for hanging out. Let me know!

Girl at the canal walk

Looking for the girl at the canal walk yesterday afternoon in richmond. I am a Male. I helped you find your keys. Was willing to be the best sugar daddy you could ask for but didn’t get to ask your number.

Coast guard shirt brunette (Mech)

Grey coast guard shirt. Boobs unbelievably big. Just wild big. I’d love to see them

Netflix and chill partner (Chesapeake)

Looking for a female partner to hang out with me today. I’m a short, chubby, middle aged white guy. Come over, relax, watch some tv and see how it goes.

No judgement zone here. 

Red Tow truck driver (Southside)

Wow when did all these tow truck drivers get so hot. You were driving a big red tow truck that you owned. Sure would love to see you again. All you have to do is tell me what the name starts with on the truck and you definitely can get it again. 

Car broke down and your last name starts with G (Near the Dairy Queen)

You had car trouble and I stopped to help. I think you mr last name starts with a G, if I heard you correctly. Anyway, hit me up if you see this. I know it’s a long shot. This was Saturday in the afternoon around 2 or so.

Glad you liked the cookies (Richmond va)

M., I’m sorry if i came off as rude. I was a little distracted. I’m glad you liked the cookies. I just realized you were getting off work. Maybe next time you can come over and watch a movie.

Watching ducks

Bearded guy in light blue grand marquis, made eye contact a few times while I was walking by with my dog and you were sitting in your car looking towards the fountain. You looked comfortable and I wouldn’t have minded getti comfy with you. By the off chance you see this, tell me something about me and maybe we can connect

You got tires today… (Dinwiddie)

You probably wont see this, but, if you do… let me know it’s you! I was the one with the “good taste in music”… what was the band?? Just tryin to say hi… 

It’s an interesting week in the world of Missed Connections, because right now, all any of us can think about is how much we want to miss a connection with COVID-19. That’s a thought some Missed Connections posters had this week, but as others prove, we can’t all sit alone in our houses forever without longing for companionship. And that’s an understandable feeling, but if you’re gonna be quarantined with someone, you better be sure you won’t be sick of them in a week.

Did you remember it’s St. Patrick’s Day today? We almost forgot. But who can blame us? Without thousands of idiots running the streets in kelly green facepaint, it’s really just not the same. Though maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.

People are still checking each other out, though, rest assured. In that convenience store line while stocking up on supplies. In Walmart, waiting in an endless checkout line to buy multiple 12 packs. Across gas pumps at a proper social distance of at least six feet. At bars after massively busy shifts… by the way, why are all of you still going out to bars?

Essential personnel only, Virginia.

Lets just stay in

As much as we all would love to find the sexual partner of our dreams….
RIGHT NOW IS NOT THE TIME!!

We are in the middle of a health crisis and pandemic and all of you nasty horny gross men can think of is getting it in?
Netflix and chill is going to be quarantine and chill.
Half of you posting have STDs up here anyway.

Is your Mattress Certified? (Roanoke)

Are you a woman between the ages of 40-70? Have you had your mattress tested and inspected recently? If not, a local Roanoke Mattress Inspector will work with you to make sure it’s properly certified for many of your favorite activities FREE OF CHARGE!

With your assistance, we’ll go though many of the basics maneuvers and assure that your mattress is ready for use for years to come. And we won’t stop until we’re both totally satisfied with the results.

BUT WAIT!!! If you’re one of the first 100 women to answer this ad, you may be entitled to free follow up inspections as often as needed! Just mention code 6969 when ordering! But order quickly as supplies are limited!

Patterson Market (Richmond)

You have great curly hair. We were both out supporting local businesses during the end times and we smiled at each other.

Quarantine buddy! F4m

College kid stranded in rva bored. I’m 19 f and in shape. Please be under 50 hwp and have good hygiene. Not trying to be chillin with a stinky dude. 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Blaine A. Fields (Glen Allen, VA)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day to the one and only…Blaine Fields…wherever you may be!

Stay safe because the corona-virus is a global pandemic now!

~moiet51

Caught me looking at Walmart (Virginia beach)

You asked if I I was looking at your ass.I was!!

Fuck off (Fredericksburg)

Was the last thing you said to me a week ago.

Need Answers

Why don’t guys want relationships anymore. I’m not a hot chick by no means. But I’m a ride or die one. I’ll be faithful honest and there for you 100%. Why are these not qualities a man wants anymore. Just because a girl is beautiful on the outside doesn’t mean she is on the inside.

Advice? (Richmond)

There is a guy I work with that I’m interested and I think he is too. But honestly I think everyone is scared since the “me too movement”! We are both in management but dont work in the same department, so no conflict there.

Just curious if anyone has any subtle ideas to see if he is interested without jeopardizing my job 😉

I am a woman in case that matters with the advice lol 

Waxing my guy friend (Westend)

I waxed you at your place 

Bought you a beer

Male here. You’re a beautiful female bartender, and I bought you a beer as you ended your shift. I had to go for something…. tell me what it was for. Would love to have that beer with you next time, and then some. 😉

Girl blowing bubbles on Mercury Boulevard (Norfolk)

You were riding in your friends white SUV stopped at the light just before 64. You were blowing bubbles out the window. I was in the black Jetta laughing with you as you did (I watched one float all the way back to the Semi and pop on its windshield) We waved goodbye as you went East and I West. I’d like to meet you and your bubbly personality again.

Walmart Chesapeake Sq. Walking boot! (Chesapeake)

I was working filling the beer display, you and me looked eyes over top of the display, I could tell you likes what you saw. You came.back with two 12 packs of Corona and we locked eyes again. I wanted to give you my number, but I wasn’t sure if the girl in the walking boat was a friend or a lover. But I figured if it is meant to be I had to try something, so here we go! 

Gas station (Keysville)

Saturday evening after 6 I was sitting in my car at the pumps and you pulled up (in a light green car) with an older lady I’m guessing your mom. As soon as you opened the door to get out our eyes locked and we both just started smiling at each other. I couldn’t stop looking at you. You’re handsome!

Well I’m kicking myself in the ass now for not speaking to you.

To weed out spam put what type of vehicle I was driving in the subject line.

Looking for a special chick (Roanoke)

Hello

I am looking for a woman that not only has an interest in the esoteric but one who has had experiences from meditation such as clairvoyance and or clairaudience and is comfortable and knowledgeable in her path, whether it is esoteric astrology,shamanism,the ancient Egyptian religion or otherwise for friendship.If this does not apply to you but you know someone it does apply to which is rare,please show them this post TY.

Thank You Brian 

Krogers on Woodbrook, Thursday around 3:00 (charlottesville)

This is a long shot, but I’ll give it a try. Thursday afternoon, and the place was packed. You were wearing a black dress with a sheer wrap over it, stunningly attractive. We commented about how the corona virus was causing people to hoard products, and how Albemarle schools were going to be closed on Monday. We both used the self checkout line, and continued to chat. We swapped names, but as I left I kicked myself for not having asked for more information, and whether you’d have time for a coffee, a drink or a lunch one day. If you see this, and if you do have the time and desire, please be in touch. I enjoyed our few minutes together, and would like to spend more.

Cabin fever fun (Cave spring)

White male here with cabin fever it seems. Just seeing if anyone out there is missing some discreet adult fun while everything around seems to be shutting down

Dreads at target (Shortpump)

I have dreads and so do you. You were walking in target as I was walking out. You are gorgeous and your dreads look great. I came back in the store after I drop my bags in the car but I couldn’t find you. I would love to talk to you. If you see this and your intrested send me a picture so that I know that it’s you And if you can, tell me what I was wearing

Costco run – west broad (Richmond)

We exchanged glances today.. it was a busy day at Costco. both of us had glasses on. Tell me what you were wearing and the color of your top and your gorgeous highlighted hair style…so i know its you. I was wearing the same color mens quarter neck as ur top color.
you glanced at me a couple of times while I was deciding which wine to buy..wish i walked to you and said hello..
Hopefully we will meet again. Loved your style, especially those glass frames.

If the universe wants us to meet, we will bump into each other gain.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (kik me… mariabowa)

I survived because inside me burned brighter than the fire around me. Im a very stong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate towards you, regardless how far they wander. Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. And I know you can perfectly see, so let’s talk. kik me… mariabowa 

This week’s Missed Connections asks a burning question — do you like to shave? Not yourself, but… other people? If so, there’s someone out there looking for you. Don’t worry, you’re not gonna get paid, so it’ll have to be for the love. And you better bring your own clippers. Sounds great, right?

That’s not all we’ve got for ya this week, though — we’ve also got a missed connection from Chuck Norris himself, who, for an 80 year old man, is both more active and more timid than I’d ever expect. Meanwhile, at least one person out there remembers the classic Spencer Tracy/Katharine Hepburn movies of the World War II era. I never thought Missed Connections were the province of old people, but considering all the cheesy crap that gets posted every week and never makes it to this column, I guess I can’t be surprised.

Of course, the usual assortment of underwear-purchasing freaks, maniacal interstate speeders, and grocery store stalkers are representing this week, as well as a whole bunch of people pouring their hearts out about their truly… unique romantic interests and situations. One thing I will say about that: people will surprise you. Which is, of course, why you come to this column every week in the first place.

Let your freak flag fly, Virginia.

Manscaper needed (Roanoke)

Average guy here in need of manscaping. I’m not overly hairy, but I’m unable to reach all the nooks and crannies easily. Can you help? Ideally, here’s what I’m hoping to find.

– a man with clippers who has done this before

– a warm location so my bits and pieces don’t freeze or hide

– someone willing to help another guy out (no monetary compensation) and is kind enough to host.

And to think (Stafford)

I almost ruined a new relationship by entertaining bullshit texts from a fuckboy. Lesson learned. 

Brunnette Girl at Goodwill in Shortpump

I saw you from afar. In instances like this, I usually just be bold and approach. Sometimes you half to let things go as they may, and relax. That is as I did. It was today, around 1:15 p.m., EST. You were oh so strong in your energy. I could feel it across the room. Well, if you see this please respond. Never again will I let such opportunity pass me by.

“Chuck Norris”

Who (Richmond)

Who else is tired of dating sites?

Improbable friendship (Northside)

We have an improbable friendship. I love when you text. There is something else there I want to explore. Let me know if you think so, too. Please reply with our former shared work location if you think this is you.

My Crush LA

Only YOU could wear a simple, white sweater, a longish green skirt, and basic pumps and look like a Girl Friday from a Spencer Tracy movie. Dang, you were burn in the wrong decade!

girl in chspk

Missed a connection with a girl in chspk who sold me her underwear hmu lets do it again..

Fun race (Mechanicsville)

To the girl in the white nissan. I was racing you in a work truck around mechanicsville area down to 64 and your so beautiful if you see this message me! 

I Wish I Could Give Money To Salem, Virginia Kroger Teresa/Blondie (Roanoke, Virginia)

I wish I could give money to the Salem, Virginia Spartan Square Kroger Teresa/Blondie. Last time I heard she was still an overnight stocker at that Kroger. If I gave her money it would definitely be for forgiveness. I wish for her to be my friend again.

To the solo dude on a bike down boulevard

You were riding in a 3 pack of bikes with what I assume to be, two couples. Around 6 PM. Going down arthur ashe boulevard. You were jammin out and rocking out on your bike. Swervin and feelin’ it.You had a brown backpack on. I assume riding alone means you are not taken. Dude, female, idc. I’m intrigued. I wanna get to know your vibe.

Let me know which street you took off boulevard so I know it’s you.

Longwood University

I am a boring male. I would like to meet a boring and nerdy female. We would be like two peas in a pod

Still bored….new nerdy geeky cool friend? (The Near Westend or Fan Area)

So I put a classified out back in Jan. and it got a lot of messages, but by in large went no where. So people just replied that they liked what I wrote, but when I asked for more info, I got nothing back. So I am going to try again.

Here it goes. My best bud is a younger dude who is geeky, nerdy, skinny younger guy. He’s 24. The problem is that he lives in NC. We talk all the time, but I still miss having a “partner in crime” so to speak. We both have cool humor and talk about the world at large. He’s gone all MGTOW and I am more pro-fellowship/fraternal male and not anti-women. Not sure if everyone gets that. So I am looking for someone that has his humor and even look. Tall lanky skinny nerdy, geeky smart and not a typical millennial looking at a smartphone sort. Maybe you’re also a lover of coffee. I think the Starbuck’s on Robinson St. in the Fan is the best. Maybe you’re just different the typical variant of Richmond, VA. Maybe you’re friends don’t get you or you feel you were born at the wrong time in history. My bud (Will) feels this way. I am just looking for that unique guy that I can just chill with and have a laugh and see where it goes.

So here it goes. If you do reply, tell me about yourself and why this post interested you and we’ll go from there.

Cheers!

Kitten with Claws (Mechanicsville)

I heard you are still a wild cat who knows how to use her claws. I would love to find a way of taming you. Me, SWM, 40, d/d free. Will send pic.

U had an egg plant (Chesapeake)

You had an egg plant when at the auto store. You commented on the car. 

The Village Shopping Center (Starbuck’s) (Tuckahoe/UofR)

To the dude sitting outside of Starbuck’s today. You are super cute nerdy type, young with cool glasses. You were sitting with a much older guy, probably in his late 60’s or ever 70. You have red hair (Princeton haircut style) short parted on the side. I just thought you were so cute and liked your vibe although I was sitting inside Starbuck’s. I really didn’t get why you were talking to the much older man, because he didn’t seem like he was related to you or even if it were sexual. Basically just liked your look and not necessarily sexually. Just like cool nerds I guess. I am a guy and you remind me of one of my guy friend who now lives in NC. I doubt you will see this, but if you do let’s talk. You were at Starbuck’s around 6 PM Sunday, March 8.

If any other guy reads this and is nerdy, geeky, shy, skinny cool and looking for a friend who is older, but not old that’s cool too. Best if you’re in The Fan or Near West End area.

Cheers.

Alone Again (Richmond)

I guess I’m typing this out on Craigslist because I need to pour my heart out

After four years of dating and another year of on again and off again casual love you’ve found someone or at least someone to break the cycle we were in for the past year.

I don’t know how to feel. I jump from extremely sad to somewhat relieved. I told you there were going to be some big changes in my life this year (school, new living situation, new job) and I guess that sealed the fate on whatever we had. I’m scared but like you’ve been telling me I need to change, I’m only getting older and I need a career.

We did have a lot of fun. Trips to New York, fancy resturants, seeing and participating in events every week. I really loved taking care of you and making sure you were ok. Having you over and cooking for you/rubbing your feet after a long day made me happy. You repeatedly told me other boyfriends wouldn’t do this. I think what I liked the most about you was how intelligent and witty you are, very sharp. I enjoy our conversations and debates.

However I know were it went wrong. I was dragging my feet in life and this only frustrated you. I was in a deep depression and I refused to get help. This only made you verbally abusive to me (well, you were like that before) and you just seemed you wanted me to lash out and be horrible, like in your last relationships. I didn’t want to do that. You saw me as weak, I made myself too available emotionally. I think you’re also self conscious about your looks and what people would say to you hence why you were so frigid 50% of the time.

All in all it’s over. Our last encounter was horrible, when you told me you were talking to someone else I couldn’t hold back my rage. Sorry for scaring you.

I don’t know how to round this off but if anyone is going through the same thing you aren’t alone and you’ll get better over time.

Valentine’s Day is less than a month in the rearview, and already the Missed Connections are full of regret. In particular, there’s apparently a turtle out there looking to form a mutual Cupid’s-arrow-removal pact. This is one time I think y’all might be extending the metaphor a bit too far. But at least it’s entertaining, right?

Sometimes you have to take those moments of entertainment when you can get them, even when they are kind of a bummer. A truth rarely acknowledged: Missed Connections were better before SESTA/FOSTA passed and all the posts that used to be in Casual Encounters got thrown in here willy-nilly. Listen, guys: EVERY thinly-veiled metaphor for no-strings-attached sex is played out and tired at this point. Stop talking to me about your clogged pipes, please.

That said, there are still some gems in there if you’re willing to look… and that’s what you come to us for, right? So this week, enjoy talk of tongue-tied crushes at Fort Lee, silver foxes at estate sales, helpful Food Lion shoppers… and a couple foot fetishists just to see if you’re still paying attention.

Plus, a special shout-out to the long-winded weirdo who could win a lifetime achievement award for overthinking it. You’re the reason for the season, sunshine.

Put on a happy face, Virginia.

Cupid’s misfire

I’ll pull your arrow out, if you’ll pull mine. Then we can learn how to heal the wounds we’ve fought for so long.
Guidelines. Trust. Set the target. Give me a clear shot and I won’t blink. 

-Masked Turtle

Why (Chesterfield)

I’ve been called ugly, fat and the list goes on. I’ve been told to settle for less and to not be so picky. I am not perfect but neither are you. If you are shallow why should I lower my standards. If we are talking and I tell you in a polite way….you are not my type, why do you then become disrespectful calling me names. Does this make you feel better, more like a man?? I post questions for conversation and they get flagged. I post wanting a hook up FWB and it stays up for weeks while my inbox gets slammed with naked pictures of men. Why??? 

Estate sale guy (Henrico)

Young silver fox, I couldn’t look at you for too long because something inside me was screaming, and it was scaring the hell out of me. It was such a high. Thank you.

Planet Fitness hottie (West End)

I see you working hard in the gym multiple nights a week. You’re bearded, tattooed and in impeccable shape. I’m the woman who wears the long-sleeved tops and jewel-tone leggings.

It thrills me when we make eye contact. I want to know you! 

Missing my car girl (Cave spring)

Car guy looking for a car girl. Someone that can enjoy the car show season with and enjoy the passion for cars with. I know it’s rare but I know it’s out there

You Called Me “The Zipper Man” (Roanoke)

Because of how quickly I get in there and go to work. HMU

Re: Why? (Dinwiddie)

Because it’s easier to tear down than is to build up.

restrained (carver)

you were never very good at tying knots but you were sure dedicated to holding me back 

Fort lee

I was on base today for work (young de male) you were so sexy in your uniform. We passed eachother and gahhhhh but yeah. Hope this finds you. (Please don’t respond if you’re old and just trying to be a creep) 

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (kik me… alvertac)

I survived because inside me burned brighter than the fire around me. Im a very stong believer that whoever is meant to be in your life will always gravitate towards you, regardless how far they wander. Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see. And I know you can perfectly see, so let’s talk. kik me… alvertac

I miss those toes.. (Chesterfield)

We would meet up after you got off work or cane from the gym then you would get in the car with me and I would suck your toes and massage your feet.. I miss our talks an your toes lol I even miss the smell after you left the gym.. I’m still willing to pay for pedicures again I just miss our time together… hope you see this or if any other females with pretty toes wanna meet up let me know no sex just wanna suck on some toes serious injuries only.. 

Looking to find female friend with nice feet (Hampton Roads)

I am searching for a mature woman who I can be friends with and also massage and admire her feet. I know, it’s a little out of left field and some are thinking “One of those guys who likes feet.”. I am being honest as I work a lot and would love to find someone who is doesn’t mind being friends with a guy who likes feet. Feet don’t have to be all done up and perfect, race doesn’t matter, and size doesn’t matter. So if interested, and yes their are perks to this friendship, please email me. I am not looking for anything more than that, I wish there was a proper channel to post an ad like this, but I do believe that their is someone who understands what I’m looking for.If interested please email me, if you have constructive criticism please email me, if you have questions than please email me.

Food Lion (Chesapeake)

Hi, I wanted to thank the man who helped me with my groceries yesterday at Food Lion. I was loading groceries in the trunk of my car and had groceries falling out of the bags into the street. You were sitting in your car next to me and got out and helped me. We talked a few minutes then you left. I wanted to say something but I was to shy. I am a white woman, late 50’s, you looked about the same age. If you would like to talk send me a message. 

Montpelier Food Lion

You were attractive middle aged woman, I a younger man. We kept bumping into each other in the store. We chatted on our way out of the store. I told you to have a good day, wish I would have said more. Doubt you’ll see this, but by some chance you do, please respond! 

Whole Foods – woman with gigantic water (Richmond)

Nearly 10pm. You smiled at me in the produce section. You were looking at cheeses. I know…why do they have cheese in the produce section? I got this bag of oranges…who has time to hunt through the oranges for good ones at the store when you can do it at home? You made your way to the freezers in the produce section — again…why do they have freezers in the produce section? — as I got off a call with my mom so I could check my alexa-generated shopping list. You were near enough to hear, and I’m thinking, if I say ‘I love you’ she might think I’m taken, but also, you’ve gotta tell your mom you love her. That’s a thing. So I told her I’d be in touch and that I love her. See, if I had someone at home at 10pm, why the hell would I say I’d be in touch? I wouldn’t. Maybe I’m having an affair. Well, I’m not, I definitely went home alone. And so did you — because you bought a small thing of toilet paper, and some organic toilet cleaner, and some other cleaning spray…and I’m like wtf, who goes out at 10pm, to Whole Foods no less, and buys all their cleaning products? Is someone sick…or dying of coronavirus? If they were, wouldn’t she need more toilet paper than that? Did she see that article in the New York Times about how in Hong Kong they buy TONS of toilet paper and use it to build makeshift coffee tables? But seriously…there’s still a week before the end of the month, and it’s February, so you’re not moving…I mean, did you just run out of all your household essentials at once? And then, we just keep crossing paths, you, me, and ten guys that all look like if NSYNC mated with lumberjacks. But then you got stuck in one aisle. I thought maybe she’s getting sports drinks or something. But you never left that aisle, as I zipped around the store trying to find that Japanese ginger dressing that you have to keep refrigerated…you know, it’s the stuff that looks like cat puke they use at all the sushi joints, but it tastes so damn good and I’m trying so hard to get my leafy greens, what am I gonna do? Spoiler: they don’t have it there, of course. That’s okay, I found some other dressing for $7 that…whatever. It’s probably fine. But there you are in the water aisle like it’s going out of style…and here’s the climax: you know what’s in there also? The cookies. Well, shit, I deserve 2-3 cookies after dinner, don’t I? After my orange. But you walked right past them, right past me. Punch in the gut. Realization that I’m the worst person in the world because I eat cookies now. Only since Christmas. I stopped eating dessert in, like, college — but then Christmas happened this year and someone introduced me to these flat cookies they make with rice. I know, right? We end up in line together. So many magazines about gut flora. I like your glasses and how you wear your hair. They ask for your ID because you bought a bottle of wine. And I wonder if you’re going home with your one bottle of wine and I’m-single toilet paper to spend the evening drinking and I guess washing your apartment with vinegar spray. And you pull out of your cart the largest bottle of water I’ve ever seen — like, enough to keep a corporate office hydrated for a couple weeks. Why do you have so much water–and actually, how do you even open the gigantic bottle? They pull me to another line. I’m dying inside because you’re such a thoughtful person, saving the planet one spritz at a time, and I don’t even own a reusable bag. And then I see you’re taking home paper bags too. They’re great, right? We grew up with them, but they’re still kind of okay, because you can fill them with old socks and donate them to charity. You rolled out your cart. We left together. I couldn’t find my car, because that’s my lot in life, always misplacing the things I need most. I wanted to tell you that you make me want to be a better person…to waste less plastic, to clean with organic products, to spend more on unique cheeses and less on feel-good foods, to take only what I need. I needed your smile — I wanted to return it, but I guess I didn’t quite remember how.

In the depths of winter, it seems the Missed Connections are getting truly bizarre, and none of it is more bizarre than the person who wants to switch bodies with someone in a nursing home. That’s a pretty strange obsession there, friend, but hey… keep ’em coming. This is why we head back to Craigslist every single week.

This week also brings us tales of potential romances sparked by in-car singalongs, mountain bikers peeing in front of each other, and multiple examples of people falling for their nurses — which, let me tell you, is a tale as old as time. Falling for a homeless person seeking assistance by the side of the road is a bit more unusual, but certainly shows an open mind, so that’s always nice to encounter.

Finally, I’m glad to see that some of you out here care deeply about cheese, a truly important foodstuff that doesn’t get enough attention. On the other hand, at least in the world of the MCs, it often seems like too much attention gets paid to people’s feet. Do your thing, y’all, but I admit I do not get it.

Step on it, Virginia.

To the blond singing in her car (Parham road)

I caught you singing in the car. You are beautiful but you looked a little embarrassed. We waved at each other and made eye contact a couple more times. Unfortunately we didn’t get to stop again long enough for me to ask your number. If you see this and you’re intrested in talking Contact me and tell me what color your car was, And what color my car was and what stoplight you turned at. Hope to hear from you,

I Wish I Could Switch Bodies With A Nursing Home Patient (Roanoke,VA)

I wish it was really possible to switch bodies with an elderly nursing home patient. It would be amazing so that they could experience being young again and I would get to see how it feels to live in a Roanoke or Salem, Virginia nursing home until we swapped our bodies back to normal. Also switching bodies with a Roanoke, VA area African American woman of any age would truly be incredible and amazing.

Girl in the baseball cap

I don’t expect you to see this, or what would even come of this if you did. But I always look forward to seeing you.

Your smile and eyes feel like the sun.

Victoria’s Secret this past saturday

You were the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Period. End of story.

I couldnt keep my eyes off of you, and it seemed as though you may have been interested as well. We both were there with someone else. But next time why dont we go together? I would love to meet you and absolutely spoil you rotten 🙂

If you think it may be you that I am writing about, describe who we were each with, or what I was wearing. I am not interested in replies from anyone but the absolute goddess I saw on saturday, so fakers or replies that dont have the correct description in the very first response get no reply from me so dont waste your time. I hope you are out there angel, because I cant wait to meet you.

Missing my sock girl (Chesterfield)

We had some really fun times ! Where did you go ? I need those cute toes !

Flakey girls (Richmond)

Hey guys. Does this happen to you? A woman answers an ad then never responds again. Sometime they go on and on with multiple emails then the next day silence. Any ideas? Is it just me? I would like to hear your thoughts. 

Secret Society Shared Stares (Richmond (Downtown))

You just left. You were wearing a cute gray dress, with gray tights. It is/was a gray day.

I was at the bar, and you were with a few work colleagues. We exchanged eyes and smiles more times than I took a bite of food.

You left and our eyes found each other on the way out the door, and there may have been a smile on your end or you were working something out of your teeth. I couldn’t discern. Perhaps you can let me know which it was.

Yep

I smell some cat fishing going on up in here! 😂

All red clothes with a big A on your vehicle (Colonial Heights Wawas)

I’ve never made one of these before but wow are you attractive. I almost broke my neck when I saw your bright red uniform out of the corner of my eye…

i seen you at the 7-11 on main street (Newport News)

you were a construction worker and you were light skin kinda heavy but not fat, i would love to see you in your socks and underwear and then naked. if you see this send me a message. and if any other guys like this send me a message also 

Larus Park (Chesterfield)

Saw you yesterday in Larus Park. You had a mountain bike and spandex. We talked before and you stopped to chat and when we said bye, you walked your bike about 20 ft. and took a piss. Couldn’t tell if you were advertising or not, but I still caught a glimpse of that monster. Will be taking a walk there at noon today.. 

Nurse at CHKD Health Center (Northern Suffolk)

This is probably definitely a long shot but I’ll try it out anyways. I came into the office yesterday to bring my son in for an appointment. You were the nurse who called us back and got my sons vitals and such. Your attitude was so positive and you had a very bubbly personality. I couldn’t believe how amazing you were with my son. The level of comfort you made us both feel was out of this world. Being a single father, it’s very rare to come across a woman like you. You and I discussed your childhood doctor, also discussed a myriad of other things. Not sure that you’ll see this but fingers crossed. I would love to further get to know you outside of your job. 

Tall nurse in Williamsburg retiree community (downtown Williamsburg)

I stopped in briefly to your work today to help a patient. You were tall and curvy and tattoos. I am tall, big and strong. We both kinda avoided looking at each other while your collegue helped me. If you see this, tell me what color my hair is or what company I work for. Maybe something good can happen since we both have needed but sad jobs. And we are both single 

Woman with help sign in carytown (Richmond va)

We talked this morning, i was going to help you once i went on break but you were gone. You said you needed food. We chatted a little bit. You were wearing a white jacket with glasses on. White nikes, i asked you what your sign said. I asked if you were homeless also. Reach out and i can help

walking on cary (Richmond)

you and your friend were walking on Cary st and looked into my car and saw me, you looked interested.

Kroger Carytown (Richmond)

You were in the pharmacy about 7 pm. Grey curly hair and a great smile. Hit me up if you remember the eye contact.

Were you at Target Short Pump around lunch today with son? (Short Pump)

I know this is a super long shot but I’m looking for a guy who was at Target in Short Pump today around noon (lunch) with a toddler son? Tall. Good looking. Mid thirties. I’m assuming. Toddler was in the cart telling you that you didn’t have all the books and that he needed all the books 🙂 I wish I would’ve said something to you. I know that you saw me too.

Missing the man that said I had cute feet (Newport news)

Hey babe, I hope it’s you please shoot me an email so we can actually talk 😉🦶🏼🧦

Trader Joe’s (Viginia Beach)

We spoke in the cheese section about the cheese you discontinued. We were in line together and I mentioned the Trader Joe’s slaw I miss. I hope you felt the same connection. What was the name of the cheese and slaw? If you have okhookup me what name you go by.