It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and everybody’s a little punchy, eagerly awaiting the long weekend and massive amounts of food we’re all gonna scarf down between now and Cyber Monday. So with that in mind, dive into a wild and wooly week of Missed Connections.
In this edition, we’ve got people seeking everything from literal ice queens to literal incels. If you’re in the latter category, I’m sad to report that no end to your involuntary celibacy is on offer… but at least someone might talk to you. We’ve also got an entirely-too-lengthy rant by some edgelord who hates on everyone else’s ads for several paragraphs before finally admitting that he’s really just as sad and lonely as the rest of us.
Before we get to all that, though — everyone tells you to buy a girl a drink, but one of you fine players out here bought a girl a sandwich. I don’t know about her, but I can tell you that if I was still single, that move would DEFINITELY work on me. Meanwhile, you know the first-responder worship has gone too far when people are having spiritual transformations after looking into the eyes of a cop. Blues lives don’t matter THAT much, y’all. Let’s bring it down a notch.
And by the way, that classic cheap cologne by Faberge is spelled Brut. A brute is something else entirely; if you’re wearing that cologne, it might be you.
Have a brutal Thanksgiving, Virginia.
Looking for an Ice Queen because my air conditioning is broken and stuck at 59°.
you were the psycho who had a street beef with some lady from roanoke (blackstone)
i saw you and havent been able to get you off my mind
I was throwing some beef with some lady in roanoke, but i’m not psycho!
Girl in Black Top at Tobacco Company Club (Shockoe Bottom)
I saw you at the Tobacco Company Club on Saturday night, November 16th. You looked amazing in your low cut black top and we smiled at each other as you passed me by while we were both near the bar. Later I saw you on the dance floor and we made eye contact and smiled at each other several times. I should have come over and danced with you but I chickened out. Give me a chance to take you out for a drink. I was the guy wearing the blue shirt, white male, blondish/brown hair. Send me a message if you see this and if this sounds like you.
Fit brunette with very short hair
You probably will never see this but I just wanted to say that you’re beautiful. Incredibly fit, and you obviously have a lot of discipline and drive. You have an amazing body, a beautiful smile that could light up a room, and the short hair is incredibly sexy.
Hopefully you know that all your hard work definitely gets noticed! We see each other 3-4 times a week, and I always look forward to seeing you.
hey… you. (female..5’6, size 2-3) and I worked together on some art projects at my studio. I have since lost ALL my contacts, and have deleted FB. .001% of you seeing this, but hell…why do people put messages in a bottle? 🙂
Looking for incel, or similar to interview (Richmond, VA)
Hi, really interested in a talk/ filmed interview with a local incel or similar, can be anonymous with face shrouded. Just need someone to shed light on the community, and would love to hear from somebody in it rather than someone biased. contact me if you’re interested.
You know who you are. I can’t find you anywhere. Do you wanna be found?
If so – reach out. There’s so much I want to say. I’m sorry, I miss you and I care about you are a few of the things I really want to get off my chest if you’ll let me.
It’s a meaningless, empty life when you find you aren’t just lonely, but bored. I need a good man to recover me and hold my hand and write the next part of my life. Help me remember what makes me vibrant again (healthier habits and get in shape)! Far from perfect but I’ll try hard and keep it that way. If you describe yourself to me in more than 2 sentences, I’ll describe me back. Prefer humble and laid back. A man…aka someone who is not with someone else currently. Prefer 40’s, humble, funny, tall, and laid back?
To the Hamilton ensemble girl with the buzzcut (Richmond)
I went for a musical and left with a crush. The whole cast was fantastic, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of you whenever you were on-stage. I hope you have a great time in Richmond and keep killing it in the show!
A, I miss you, I told you you look like Scarlett Johansson. I know we only played twice at my friends house. You wanted to work it out with him. Any chance I can have your legs up in the air again and ….
If you read this reply with your name in subject
We work together and flirt quite often when we see each other. You more then I at times, but only because I have a little bit of a school girl crush on you. You are a older white man that so happens to be married. Me I am a somewhat Middle aged white female. It’s getting to the point where the talk is getting old and I’d love to see some action from you. I doubt you will because you are married but damn you’re tempting….!
Driving down Mulberry (Martinsville)
I see you driving that white pick up. Old logo on the side. Ours eyes meet. You know! I know! Is that enough though? For now I guess it will have to be.
I bought some new brute spray today. Just know when I wear it, it’s for you.
You serviced my Honda last week. You were tall and had a full dark beard. I was the brunette staring a hole in you. Would love to take you out to dinner/drinks sometime.
7-11 spark with cop created 180 transformation thank you 🇺🇸💞😇 (Virginia Beach)
Oct 25 I had a chance encounter coming out of 7-eleven on S Independence Blvd 430-ish. We looked at each other and something went right through me. I can’t describe it but it’s very powerful. So much so, that it created an immediate 180 in my life. I grew a lot of faith, patience and value in myself. It was an undeniable soulmate spark a one in a million chance……very rare. Although it was a blessing to feel that spark, it’s also lonely because I don’t want anything less than what I felt.
You’re a tall, handsome, white male Police Officer, dark hair, clean cut, about mid 30’s…..you are a blessing 😇
I’m the red head Irish woman (single), sorry we never got a chance to speak…my friend was in the Ram truck beside you…..much regret not even smiling.
I chose you the moment the spark happened. Every day I wake up, I give thanks and ask for you to be protected. Footprints in the sand is exactly how I’m feeling
If we see each other again I’d like to chat and maybe grab a drink. You’re salt of the earth, I’m transparent and have a set of values that may impress you 💞
Thank you universe
You were sitting outside Wawa at Holland and Independence on 11/20 around 1130am, I bought you a sandwich. What type sandwich and what else did I give you?
Saturday Night at Sine (Shockoe Bottom)
I saw you Saturday night at Sine in Richmond. You were a girl who got a table with a few of her friends. We made eye contact as you walked through Sine and then I smiled at you while you were eating — I think I caught you when your mouth was full – lol. Anyway, I thought you were really pretty (you have amazing legs!) but there wasn’t really any way for me to interrupt your group and introduce myself, and my friends were about to leave anyway. If you thought I was cute too, write back and maybe we can get a drink at Sine.
How Batshit Crazy Are You Really? (Stafford)
Ok, so I am bored and wanted to have a little fun, so I decided I would post an ad on craigslist and see what happens. Now this is not going to be your average post. It is going to be a little bit longer than what you might be use to reading so, if you have the attention span of a gold fish this might be a little difficult for you. Also it has come to my attention that we live in a world of overly sensitive pussies that get offended anything and everything, if thats you I highly suggest you stop reading this right now bc I do not want to be blamed for the tears you may want to cry, I seriously give zero fucks. So lets get to it shall we?
We are all human and we all have our primal wants, needs and desires, but WTF is going on here people, I mean guys have you really read the ads you are posting on here. You really think some woman, bored out of her mind, wants to hangout with a complete stranger, that writes a post with zero fucking creativity. Some of your post have less effort then what it would take to reach into your pocket, to pull out your wallet, to pay a prostitute. And ladies before you get all high and mighty you might wanna slow your roll a little because the number of horny housewives actually do consider fucking one of these tools is higher than you would expect. In the last two years I am willing to bet I have been approached by more women with a boyfriend, or a husband than I have ones that are single.
So why did I title this How Bat Shit Crazy Are You Really, well to get your god damn attention for one, and if you have made it this far I suppose it halfway worked. And lets be real you came onto craigslist missing persons section bc you are missing something, my guess is an orgasm that is intense enough to make your legs tingle and twitch. Come people we all know batshit crazy is usually a sign that reflects fun in the sack. Nobody wants a boring old missionary fairy thats why PornHub is the most viewed site on the internet. In all honesty I think it was my curiosity more so than yours that made me title this ad what I did. I wanted to see who would respond, who’s attention I would grab, who’s feelings I might bother a little.
I feel like this ad will probably get flagged before I get any replies but fuck it at least I had a little fun writing it, I mean what else was I gonna do get my chuckles reading the boring as ads of all the guys wanting a find a female to hangout with. Actually I am a little shocked at the amount of male for male ads, what would your wives say you dirty dogs. Hell shes probably the bored horny one that wouldn’t mind getting double dicked down.
What happened to people making real connections, telling the truth to one another, not being afraid of their insecurities, getting a divorce instead of cheating on their spouse. That is kind of asking for a lot when you consider the current state of our society, I mean how many girls still exist that don’t have two baby daddies, are not on some kind of mental health drug, haven’t been to rehab and are on probation, that embrace their inner slut on a daily, love the idea of lingerie and can even fit into a small to a medium, might even already be PornHub, and can actually read this ad this far. We are all bat shit crazy to our own degree, I mean you kind of have to be to make it through the normal day to day, just turning on the news and listening to our leader talk makes me lose complete hope in the education system of this country.
At any rate hope you enjoyed my words but I am sad to say my boredom has been cured now for the moment but do not fear because the day is still young and we might be day drinking together before you know it.
Take it easy everybody lets see how long it takes for this to get flagged.
Top Photo by Stephane YAICH on Unsplash