Best Of VA Missed Connections April 29 – May 5

by | May 5, 2020 | RICHMOND NEWS, WTF?!

Welcome to another week of Missed Connections, where we all know shit happens, and sometimes, farts happen too. There’s no shame in it, either, even if certain passive-aggressive MC posters are dead set on shaming you for it. Let em rip, y’all! It’s still far less lethal than COVID-19.

Beyond all that weirdness, the MCs this week are all about fantasy, from the guy wanting to talk about secret getaways on a private plane that doubtless exists only in his mind to the guy who wants to wear skimpy shorts and smoke a cigarette in front of you… as long as you stand at least six feet away, of course. And then there’s the story about the off-the-grid mountain man who will almost certainly never see the post — but hey, at least all of us get to enjoy it.

From Dollar Tree lovers to side-piece creepers and cult leaders in waiting (you’ll know which post I mean when you get to it), this week’s Missed Connections have got it all.

Dive in, Virginia.

You farted in South point Walmart. I smiled at you (Fredericksburg)

You were a hot blonde pushing 350pounds wearing old holey sweats. We were both in the can soup section and you ripped one right by me. It just about melted my mask off and collapsed everyone’s lungs in that section. You are beautiful. You got about 7 of the big cans of Ravioli and had about 40 pounds of ground beef and onions in your cart. Maybe we can get Arby’s sometime.

how (Richmond)

do you even think this will work out?

… and Naked in backyard (Va Beach)

Like everyone, I’ve been quite bored. So for a little self entertainment I’ve been wearing revealing shorts while smoking outside during the day …and Naked in backyard at night after around 9/10pm (unless it’s chilly, then I wear just a shirt or hoody). Sometimes my neighbor will chat (6 feet away) if we’re smoking at the same time during the day. Anyone up for some chat only (6 feet away) while I take a smoking break (day or night). I’m an older male, Italian American 5’11 180. Let me know if you’re interested in saying hello. Anyone welcome.

Who needs taken (Roanoke)

….away from all of this craziness? Would you just up and leave with a handsome man who offered two weeks in a tropical paradise?a private plane? To keep you from being exposed? Wouldn’t it be amazing to just leave it all behind for two weeks of fun and pleasure???

A man can dream right? Ha. Really though let me hear from your creative ladies where you’d want to go? 

Thought process (richmond, VA)

These quarantine days give pause for thought. The world is trying to weather this virus, everything is uncertain. You ask yourself, Did I do everything I fantasized about? Did I walk on Wild Side? Did I checkout other team? Have You???

The road to Valdez (North Country)

I remember the day I flew in from Drogheda after not seeing you for about a year. The smile on your face and the look in your eyes told me all I needed to know. When we arrived at your cabin that you built with your hands, I was amazed. But not as amazed as were I when you played the song you wrote for me on your guitar, “A Song for Rory”, after an amazing meal of Aloo gobi.
Later in the night after you were soundly sleeping from a tiring day of felling the tallest tree I have ever seen, I had intestinal problems so bad, I thought I was going to die. I prayed for oatmeal the next morning but alas no oats in that neck of the woods. Those sure were good grits you ground by hand though.
Several years have gone by since those wonderful 2 weeks of rock climbing, skinning a mountain lion that you killed with your hands, and camping in your hand made tree house. I was so glad I didn’t have to see you tussle with a bear and the tree house was a relief. I know you wondered what happened to me, but to be honest, I can’t live without a working phone, and especially the internet. I never told you but I have several internet addictions. So………I had to let you go. There was no way of contacting you, except by carrier pigeon and I didn’t have your coordinates.
Now with this pandemic going on, I wish I had stayed there with you cause this lock down bullshit sucks.
Instead I live with regret and a broken heart caused solely by myself.

Sometimes fairy tales aren’t’ meant to have happy endings I guess.

Be well. Goodbye mountain man. Hope the critters are keeping you good company.

Boyfriend kicked you out car McLawhorne 23605

Saw some corny guy kick his female passenger out the car. I offered you a ride.

Tell me what you were wearing; let’s get you out of that toxic situation

Feet (Rva)

I miss the girl with incredible feet and strong personality. I can’t stop thinking about how much I miss being beneath your feet and I’d be more than happy to reward you for your time again.

Side piece application (Hopewell)

Looking for a female 25-45 side piece. Let’s be real I ain’t paying for your time. I’m offering a fun time. Breakfast, lunch , office hang. 420 friendly is a must. Let’s chat get to know each other if it clicks then we will go from there. Tell me about yourself age? Location? Relationship status? Kids? Smoke? Drink? Drugs use? Height? Weight? Favs?

We met walking (Norfolk)

You loved the puppy I was walking, we had a nice conversation but not long enough. Would love to chat again sometime. Reply here with a description of the the puppy or me. If it’s you, we can work on meeting again. 

Met you at OV park

We were both at the play ground you had a puppy, we chated I thought we had a great connection , you live in OV we chatted about the new things happening in OV I would luv to chat again let me know if you think it’s you, what kind of puppy 

Mental Health lol 

I call it external validation dependence and seems like lotsa you selfless vampires are suffering. Good, embrace your faults and fears don’t burry them, accept them and then you may rise above them. They tell you you just need to get out of your own head, I say go deeper, dig that deep hole to you find your real center. Search for those memories and moments that happened to you that started that negative train of thought you get swept away on and remember the you before that train hit. In your normal mind you are full of problem solving potential and possibilitties but you end up confining by defining yourself, sometimes into stagnation.

So there was this bigger girl who got set up on a blind date by one of her friends. She is sitting down and her date arrives. After about 5 minutes he says “I’m sorry, I am not interested” pays for his meal stands up and leaves. She calls her best friend and her best friend tells her “Well you are boring, unnatractive, and you never have anything interesting to say, its obvious why he left.” Would you ever have a friend like that. Well what if I told you that not what her friend said thats what she told herself. No friend would ever treat you this way so why would you ever treat yourself this way. People often tell you to love yourself but I’m gunna tell you how. See there’s gunna be a you here in the near future, a you quite like the you now, but whether that future you is better or worse is up to the you right now. You can cherrish the good times and lement the bad and ride the wave up and down, let the sea carry you. Or, you could stand up, take control, take back your life, turn off the screens, look at your hands and feet, breath, and ask yourself, not what you are wanting but what you want to be. Living in the moment is being, but taking control of your lifes direction, that is becoming.

We are here to rise above what pulls us down!
We are human, we fight gravity and reach for the stars!

Truth (Stafford)

There’s people who say they care about you and there’s people who show they do. Never get them confused. Fuck you

420 friends (Troy)

This lockdown and boredom is driving me crazy! Looking for some people to smoke and ride ATV’s with. I’m a white male in my mid 30’s average body, black hair, blue eyes, 6’0, 180lbs. Please for the love of god no more dick pics! If you want to send a pic of something long and thick it better be of a blunt you just rolled up! Lol

Island weather

A tab tonight brought back memories

To be buried deep tomorrow morning

But tonight I’m by the fire

Blonde running (Chester)

You were a thicker blonde in black stretch pants and a pink shirt running yesterday april 29. I was in a big dump type delivery truck with a black dump bed. You ran by stopped behind me I dont know if it’s because you seen me trying to break my neck to see you and seen me looking at you in amazement. You were gorgeous and when you stopped I start putting the truck in park and setting the break to get out and say hello but you had turned and started run again. I thought about you all day and here this morning I am hoping for a little luck that you see this. I was VERY taken by you and cant believe i missed the chance to talk to you. Very stunning young woman, beautiful, gorgeous and one hell of a great smile. Hope you see this and thus was in a neighborhood off forest hill area that I seen you.

Dollar tree broad and gaskins (Richmond)

Inside the dollar tree on broad by gaskins. You were a slim black trans girl. We made eye contact several times. I think I’m in love with you. 

If you’re reading this tell me what you were wearing. Tell me what color my shirt was wearing. I’m serious, single ruggedly handsome white guy.

Soooo if our paths ever cross again… (Rva)

Just know I wanted to ask you out but I was shy! I’m a silly younger woman who adored older women and foolishly I thought I had a chance with you! You had a lot of traits I look for in my vision of a forever love! I wanted you so bad! Take care and I’m finish writing! So hot that you are exactly 20 years older than me! Wow!

Come home Sean (Roanoke)

You know you love me and will never get over me. I’m gonna put another spell on you, and it won’t be a good one this time, if you don’t come home.

Bye baby

Lady trying on shoes outside shoe store in hilltop

I asked you if I could buy your shoes and you said no but you seemed like you could be into that. Just want to let you know you can hit me up if you change your mind I will spoil you with any shoes you want and take you shopping for fun. Would love to let you use me. I am a submissive loser

Dark haired beauty in F150 (Ladysmith pit stop gas station)

Maybe by just some crazy chance you’ll see this. Ran into you this afternoon around 4:30 (Friday May 1st).I caught you looking as you caught me. You are absolutely the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, long dark hair, perfect curves, cute smile. Held the door for you and your perfume hit my nose. Let me know it’s you by telling me what color your truck is. I’d adore the chance to get to know you.

Dot dot dot (Richmond County)

So my father after all these fights will pass soon. He asked about you tonight. So dot dot dot you were thought of I hope all is well and I will always miss my friend reading me the dot dot dot stories…

Reflections (Newport News)

Being a 60 something single white man, sitting at home alone during this virus thing has made me reflect into the past about of the should and could haves..i coulda had a beautiful lady my age to love and be my partner or a younger lady to pamper and spoil or a witch to marry..those are all of the couldas..shouldas?..i shoulda done the All and i would not have been sitting here alone and horny as a porcupine..time too make some changes..if any of the above want to get acquainted..let’s chat..

RVA Staff

RVA Staff

Since 2005, the dedicated team at RVA Magazine, known as RVA Staff, has been delivering the cultural news that matters in Richmond, VA. This talented group of professionals is committed to keeping you informed about the events and happenings in the city.




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